chapter 25
gondor.
1730 hours, 15,01,2005. steves palace, guys living area.
many months had passed, the computers technology had advanced to amazing levels, nearly 90% of the earth was under pc control. but the band of brothers fought on as best they could. "well come on luke, i think its our turn to run the gauntlet" said fatbob one day playing poker with luke. "yes i guess it is" replied luke getting up. "its funny isn't it guys" said onion knitting fatbob a new jumper. "whats funny onion?" asked bidge brewing marrow tea (the only tea they now had) "well this place almost feels like home, we've been here what? sinse the 19th of june thats nealry 7 months ago" "yes i guess your right except for our transister radio, we've been cut off from above all that time" said bidge. "i do miss the natural light" said luke sadly staring at the fish lanterns
"well i'm glad we found some surviving fish people anyway" said jess reading in the corner. "yes at least they know this place and all its secret passage's" said fatbob pulling on his jumper. "it fits like a glove bob" said onion proudly.
2100 hours, 15,01,2005. main hallway.
"phew that was close" said fatbob bundling through the gates with his arms full of marrows. "what happened bob?" asked louise concerned. "well we all made it back, but poor old carlos has been badly wounded" said fatbob, as luke came through the doorway holding carlos up. "get reena will you someone" he said putting carlos down on a chair. "oh no not my carlos!" said emily running towards them. "he'll be ok em, i'm sure" said joe comfortingly. so when carlos had been set down on a makeshift trolley, and reena had begun her surgery. it was time for everyone to play monopoly and have a few marrow beers. "its good just to try and relax isn't it" said jeni counting her money."yes it is, we may only have marrows but aslong as we have marrow flan and marrow beer we're ok" said ellie. "well i hope julia p finds somewhere habitable for us soon" said suz. "we can't stay here forever, eventually we'll run out of food and then what" she added. "yes well i'm sure it'll work out" said joe playing with debbies pigtails. "hopefully we will finish the spacecraft tomorrow"
1546 hours, 16,01,2005 spacecraft launch site.
"well people this is it" said joe screwing in the last screw. "i think we're ready to test her out" "its a shame we can't actually fly her, but its too dangerous to risk flying her where the computers could fire at her" said robyn thinking hard. "yes well we can test her engines and turbines and all the important machinery at least" said alion fiddling with the onboard computer system. "right ok people lets fire her up" said joe stepping back and pulling out his control panel. so when everyone had taken their positions, it was time to start her main engines. "ok people on my count" said joe, waving to luke and debs who were on board. "5 4 3 2 1 we are all systems go!!" he shouted as the engine turbines kicked in and the rocket fuel started burning. so after several tests, including seeing if everyone could fit inside alright. they were all finally satisfied it was ready. and not a moment too soon it seamed, as tom reported large numbers of computers heading through the marrown fields! "we will have to send out pickets to keep an eye on them" said joe when tom told him the news. "yeah we'll have to try and slow them up as much as possible" said tom i'll get my war mokisons out of the cupboard" "good man tom" said energy. "i'll help organise our offensive" she added. "good show energy, i'll go break the news to everyone else" said joe walking off. so as joe and the guys were discussing their coming actions, julia p came running in! "guys guys! i think i've found a planet we can go to!" "what! thats brilliant julia" said susie trying to control her excitement. "so where abouts is this planet julia?" asked joe. "well its quite near actually i don't know how i missed it really, just because there was so many to look at i guess. "its called gondor, and from what i can gather its an oxygon based enviroment perfect for us humans" "well we must get ready to leave as soon as we're ready then" said joe. just then sophie came running in.
"we better get out of here pretty quick guys, the computers are nearly apon us!"
1735 hours, 16,01,2005. living area.
"don't worry sophie, julia p's found a planet she reckons we can escape to" said debbie. "well i'm pretty sure we can" said julai p.
"well i hope so, because i don't think we've much more than a day!" said sophie breathing hard. just then energy came bounding down the corridor. "they got bex, they shot her right through the heart!" she said, obviously in a lot of shock. "right well this is it people" said joe taking command. "everyone start loading all our equipment, food, and essentials into the spacecraft. we leave tomorrow!"
1400 hours, 17,01,2005. spacecraft launch site.
everyone was rushing around trying to get ready. fatbob and some of the guys were fending off the computers from the main gate. with all the remaining fish people. dave, steves son and air to the throne had been crowned king of all fish of earth and was rallying the last few dozon fish people, including quindo the dash and dot goatfish, to defend their home to the last. even robyns eyebrows were getting stuck in again. the only big problem was carlos, who was getting worse by the hour. "its no good i'm afraid emily" said reena administering more morphine. "i'm afraid he's not well enough to survive the flight, and i don't think he'll live till we're ready to go" she said sadly. emily sat by carlos's bed holding little baby pimlico, who had been born a few weeks earlier. "oh carlos, i promise i'll look after little pimlico for you" she said tears running down her face. "goodbye my love, take care!"
1732 hours, 17,01,2005. lauch site.
"well the computers have finally broken through joe" said dave the king carp. "i'm afraid we only have a few minutes" "thats all we need i hope" replied joe tearing around making last minute adjustments to the navigation system with julia p and debs. "right i think
we're set" said debs looking at her watch. "ok people, everyone whos finished what their doing onboard!!" shouted joe, "pasty you done?" called arthur as he ran to the craft his arms full of eggnog. "i thought you hated that stuff?" asked pasty saying goodbye to his oboe. "well its better than damn marrows all the time" replied arthur jumping onboard. so all the fishpeople piled into the craft.
"where's fatbob, tom and luke?" shouted jules. "i think their still battling the computers in the palace!" answered becca.
"right joe, we're ready when you are" called alion from the controls inside. "ok i'l get fatbob and the rest" he said running towards the doors. but as he arrived at them, luke came tumbling in, i hope your ready to go, because we are!" he screamed running to the spacecraft. "so everyone including fatbob and tom were finally onboard. the hangers overhead were opened and it was showtime.
"well everyone i'd just like to say, good luck and God bless" said joe above the din of the engines. so as the evil computers came pouring through into the launch room, the thrusters came onto full power!! "well here go's" said everyone at once.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the supports fell away and as laser blast flew in every direction, the remaining friends and fishpeople went souring into the sky. as the youngsters peered through windows, they saw the true destruction apon the earth. in every direction there was darkness except the flashing searchlights and lasers of the computers
"well people we did it, i don't know how but we did" said joe looking out into space. "yes i think whatever there is on gondor" said anna. "yup" said everyone together, "they'll surely need nozzles!!"
THE END.
Thursday, 11 April 2002
Tuesday, 26 March 2002
CHAPTER 24 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. ONLY ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO! SORRY IF ITS ALL RATHER DEPRESSING!!
chapter 24
the silence of death.
2200 hours, 18,06,2004. spacecraft storage barn.
so everyone got stuck in to gather all the important equipment and information they could. "how are we going to get into the fishland?" asked pasty very concerned. "because that's full of evil computers too" he added. "well we will have to fight our way in I fear!" replied Joe, "yes we will have to gather all the weapons we can get" added fatbob, munching on a kebab. "fatbob can you please help us instead of dosing around you prick!" said tom getting quite irate. "yeah alright keep your moccasins on" replied fatbob. so when they had got everything they could into bags and rucksacks, it was time for the men (and alion who was determined to prove herself more of a man than Joe, easily enough done) to go back to the farm to retrieve any weapons they could get. "right come on lads, first we'll go to the farmhouse then the village" said Joe loading his rifle. in the farmhouse chaos was ensuing. "my goodness!" said tom ducking kettle laser blasts. "right come on everyone" said Arthur leaping up stairs.
"I'll get my silenced illegal pistols" said fatbob rummaging amongst cocaine. "right lads come on,to the village" said Joe making a dash for the door. as the young men jogged down the half mile track to the village, flames and screaming could be heard coming from the village. "I do hope we can get some weapons before we're all gunned down" said Essex boy putting on all his gold sovereign rings. "at least I'll give em a fistful of this" he added.
0100 hours, 19,06,2004. quotak village.
as they entered the village, there was corpses and wounded people everywhere. "we must get these people into fishland" said Arthur swinging Simons courgette in defence. "I somehow don't think they will be keen to go down there, their village is very sacred to them" said Luke. "right into the armoury" said pasty kicking the door down. "the door was open actually pasty" said Arthur. but as Arthur stuck his head round the door, several shots narrowly missed his head! "steady on Arthur, have you not been taking your eggnog?" asked tom. "well to be honest, I hate the stuff" replied Arthur. "nows not the time to discuss eggnog gentlemen" said Joe in an important voice. so they all piled into the barn. and started firing shots into the darkness. "right gather everything you can carry, and we better get to the village chief" said Joe. "yes we must see how old Barry smith is" said fatbob.
meanwhile all the girls were heading through the fields of marrow's to the main gates. "now we can't get in there, till the lads are back with the weapons" said jules waving a glow stick around. "what's the glow stick for jules?" asked robyn. "to fend off killer clubers of course" replied jules. "but won't that attract them?" asked jeni mystified. "oh yeah, shit your right" said jules throwing them away. back in the village. "you no can do dis ting you try" said Barry swigging whiskey and shouting at a toaster. "er chief, that's just a normal toaster" said gumbo one of his advisers. "I don't care, I don't like toasters anyway, damn poptarts" "I don't think its the toasters fault, for bad advertising on Kellogg's front sir" replied gumbo. just then an electric bikini line shaver blasted through the window and took gumbo's head clean off! "don't worry chief Barry! we're here" said alion piling through the door.
"oh thank goodness, dis a very bad place" said the chief.
0300 hours, 19,06,2004. main gates of fishland.
"I do hope they hurry up, I need a shower" said louise flicking her hair around. "I'm sure they'll have hairdryers lou" said Catherine. "yes Catherine, and lots and lots of lovely men to obey your every call" said sophie sarcastically. "really? wow I can't wait" said Catherine. "she was taking the piss cath" said julia p. "and if they had hairdryers,they'd all be evil anyway wouldn't they?" "oh yeah I guess they would" pondered Catherine. "I do hope they have ditches though" said becca. "shut up you lot, here comes the guys" said viki peering hard. as the lads came running towards them, it was obvious no villagers has survived. "everyone's dead pretty much" said Luke. "yeah not even my moccasins could persuade them to come down here" said tom brushing away with a suede brush. "right alion, shoot the bolts off" said Joe loading his gun again. "everyone grab a weapon and aim at the doors" he added levelling his rifle. as alion blasted the bolts off and one gate came crashing to the ground, everyone opened fire into the room beyond. "well that was easy" said jess. "there's no-one around" so as they all piled in and pulled in all the gear, Joe started to swing the gates back into place. "right lets secure these gates as best we can" said Joe. "so as some of the guys nailed anything they could onto the gates. the rest of the guys made their way towards the main hall. "there's an awful lot of dead fish around" said suz holding her hand over her nose. "yes what a stink" added Emily holding Carlos's hand very tight. "Carlos how come you didn't go with all guys to get the guns?" asked Susie. "what! and risk messing up my slicked hair. you must me joking" he replied combing it back for the forth time. so as the rest of the guys joined them. they all gingerly opened the main doors into Steve's palace.
1432 hours, 13,08,2004. Steve's palace.
nearly two months had passed. it turned out all the computers had returned to the surface to help in the world wide annihilation of the human race. the young go getters, had done all they could to fortify the small fishland. but now nearly all the marrow's they had gathered had run out, and they had to make the dangerous run from the front gates to gather more food, all the while the computers would take pot shots at them as they ran from jar to jar. "I don't think I can take much more of this Joe" said jess returning from her turn at running the gauntlet. "I know jess, but we have to finish the spacecraft. then we may just have a chance of getting out of here" said Joe looking quite wreck form weeks of hardly eating and restless nights working on the spacecraft.
just then tom and Luke came down from the secret entrance. "it looks like they've killed everyone in Africa, there's not a sound or a standing building for miles" said Luke looking very bleak. "yes there's only the gentle hum of software, and the constant searchlights" agreed tom scratching his now long beard. "well people" said Joe looking determined. "we must get on with the spacecraft and then if Julia p finds anything, get of this God forsaken rock!"
the silence of death.
2200 hours, 18,06,2004. spacecraft storage barn.
so everyone got stuck in to gather all the important equipment and information they could. "how are we going to get into the fishland?" asked pasty very concerned. "because that's full of evil computers too" he added. "well we will have to fight our way in I fear!" replied Joe, "yes we will have to gather all the weapons we can get" added fatbob, munching on a kebab. "fatbob can you please help us instead of dosing around you prick!" said tom getting quite irate. "yeah alright keep your moccasins on" replied fatbob. so when they had got everything they could into bags and rucksacks, it was time for the men (and alion who was determined to prove herself more of a man than Joe, easily enough done) to go back to the farm to retrieve any weapons they could get. "right come on lads, first we'll go to the farmhouse then the village" said Joe loading his rifle. in the farmhouse chaos was ensuing. "my goodness!" said tom ducking kettle laser blasts. "right come on everyone" said Arthur leaping up stairs.
"I'll get my silenced illegal pistols" said fatbob rummaging amongst cocaine. "right lads come on,to the village" said Joe making a dash for the door. as the young men jogged down the half mile track to the village, flames and screaming could be heard coming from the village. "I do hope we can get some weapons before we're all gunned down" said Essex boy putting on all his gold sovereign rings. "at least I'll give em a fistful of this" he added.
0100 hours, 19,06,2004. quotak village.
as they entered the village, there was corpses and wounded people everywhere. "we must get these people into fishland" said Arthur swinging Simons courgette in defence. "I somehow don't think they will be keen to go down there, their village is very sacred to them" said Luke. "right into the armoury" said pasty kicking the door down. "the door was open actually pasty" said Arthur. but as Arthur stuck his head round the door, several shots narrowly missed his head! "steady on Arthur, have you not been taking your eggnog?" asked tom. "well to be honest, I hate the stuff" replied Arthur. "nows not the time to discuss eggnog gentlemen" said Joe in an important voice. so they all piled into the barn. and started firing shots into the darkness. "right gather everything you can carry, and we better get to the village chief" said Joe. "yes we must see how old Barry smith is" said fatbob.
meanwhile all the girls were heading through the fields of marrow's to the main gates. "now we can't get in there, till the lads are back with the weapons" said jules waving a glow stick around. "what's the glow stick for jules?" asked robyn. "to fend off killer clubers of course" replied jules. "but won't that attract them?" asked jeni mystified. "oh yeah, shit your right" said jules throwing them away. back in the village. "you no can do dis ting you try" said Barry swigging whiskey and shouting at a toaster. "er chief, that's just a normal toaster" said gumbo one of his advisers. "I don't care, I don't like toasters anyway, damn poptarts" "I don't think its the toasters fault, for bad advertising on Kellogg's front sir" replied gumbo. just then an electric bikini line shaver blasted through the window and took gumbo's head clean off! "don't worry chief Barry! we're here" said alion piling through the door.
"oh thank goodness, dis a very bad place" said the chief.
0300 hours, 19,06,2004. main gates of fishland.
"I do hope they hurry up, I need a shower" said louise flicking her hair around. "I'm sure they'll have hairdryers lou" said Catherine. "yes Catherine, and lots and lots of lovely men to obey your every call" said sophie sarcastically. "really? wow I can't wait" said Catherine. "she was taking the piss cath" said julia p. "and if they had hairdryers,they'd all be evil anyway wouldn't they?" "oh yeah I guess they would" pondered Catherine. "I do hope they have ditches though" said becca. "shut up you lot, here comes the guys" said viki peering hard. as the lads came running towards them, it was obvious no villagers has survived. "everyone's dead pretty much" said Luke. "yeah not even my moccasins could persuade them to come down here" said tom brushing away with a suede brush. "right alion, shoot the bolts off" said Joe loading his gun again. "everyone grab a weapon and aim at the doors" he added levelling his rifle. as alion blasted the bolts off and one gate came crashing to the ground, everyone opened fire into the room beyond. "well that was easy" said jess. "there's no-one around" so as they all piled in and pulled in all the gear, Joe started to swing the gates back into place. "right lets secure these gates as best we can" said Joe. "so as some of the guys nailed anything they could onto the gates. the rest of the guys made their way towards the main hall. "there's an awful lot of dead fish around" said suz holding her hand over her nose. "yes what a stink" added Emily holding Carlos's hand very tight. "Carlos how come you didn't go with all guys to get the guns?" asked Susie. "what! and risk messing up my slicked hair. you must me joking" he replied combing it back for the forth time. so as the rest of the guys joined them. they all gingerly opened the main doors into Steve's palace.
1432 hours, 13,08,2004. Steve's palace.
nearly two months had passed. it turned out all the computers had returned to the surface to help in the world wide annihilation of the human race. the young go getters, had done all they could to fortify the small fishland. but now nearly all the marrow's they had gathered had run out, and they had to make the dangerous run from the front gates to gather more food, all the while the computers would take pot shots at them as they ran from jar to jar. "I don't think I can take much more of this Joe" said jess returning from her turn at running the gauntlet. "I know jess, but we have to finish the spacecraft. then we may just have a chance of getting out of here" said Joe looking quite wreck form weeks of hardly eating and restless nights working on the spacecraft.
just then tom and Luke came down from the secret entrance. "it looks like they've killed everyone in Africa, there's not a sound or a standing building for miles" said Luke looking very bleak. "yes there's only the gentle hum of software, and the constant searchlights" agreed tom scratching his now long beard. "well people" said Joe looking determined. "we must get on with the spacecraft and then if Julia p finds anything, get of this God forsaken rock!"
Sunday, 24 March 2002
CHAPTER 23 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. ONLY A COUPLE OF CHAPTERS LEFT GUYS, HOPE YOUR ENJOYING.
chapter 23
refuge of the marrow's.
1112 hours, 18,06,2004. launch pad.
so Luke ran off to get byork, while robyn and jess loaded on the necessary equipment. "right get in there byork my old chum, my old mucker, me old spittle of a half nut matey" "yeah all right Luke just sit her in and strap her up" said Joe getting awfully impatient.
"right she's all ready to go Joe" said jess jumping out of the control room. "good show, Debbie, alion fire her up. Julia p, Arthur, prepare for the countdown" said Joe looking at his watch. "right engines fired" shouted alion. "ready to go when you are Arthur" said Debbie tapping in a few final instructions. "ok chiefs, she's 3 2 1 GO!!" shouted Arthur as he let off the thrusters.
as the spacecraft started to lift of the ground and byork closed her eyes and hoped. everyone stood in ore of what they had achieved. except wilko who claimed he could of done it all by himself, and entirely out of balsa wood and fairy washing up bottles.
so as the rocket shot up into the air, it started veering off to the left. "funny I'm sure that shouldn't happen" said Julia p fumbling with the ground navigation controls. "oops, I put Grimsby, not outer space, derh!" she exclaimed a little annoyed with herself.
"what! you put Grimsby as the destination!" said tom horrified. "well lets not be too hard on her, it was easily done" said Catherine.
"easily done!, how can outer space be anything like Grimsby?" retorted tom. "well this isn't good atal" said Anna.
1134 hours, 18,06,2004. Grimsby town.
"hey look up yonder Bernard, its spacecraft of some kind" "naw its probably concorde, ya daft cow" "but its travelling awful quick for concorde" said rose pondering. "cum on gal, horses need shoeing and dog need washing" said Bernard. "but first we need potato's from garden" said ethyl peering out of a window. "ooh shite, look up yonder, spacecraft!" she shouted. "ooh bugger!!"
1203 hours, 18,06,2004. workshop.
so as the burning flames of Grimsby lit up the skyline. Julia started whistling and strolling off. "Julia, come back I think we need to make a few minor adjustments" said pasty staring. so everyone went down the pub for a pint and a rethink.
"well never mind everyone, lets start again, at least now we know exactly how to build it" said sophie. "well that's true soph" said Vikki. so everyone had another drink and discussed there building plans. "well I'm going to get a kebab" said freeman. "I'll come with you for a kingsize" said fatbob finishing his pint. "anyone want anything?" asked freeman. so fatbob and freeman strolled off down the path. "right I'm getting the drinks in, who wants what?" said bigmore getting up. "well I want your pink shirt, but I guess that's not very likely is it?" said Joe analy. "well not really mate, I love this shirt" replied bigmore. just then fatbob came running in.
"you wont believe this" said fatbob panting from the "very" short run. "what?" asked suz buying another sambuca. "the kebab shops till just shot freeman straight in the head!" "oh shit! there taking over the world" said Luke throwing himself out the window.
"right" said becca, "we have to do something, there's a whole army of self aware electrical items heading towards the village" said fatbob looking worried for the first time since his pub was burnt down by aliens all those years ago. "ok calm down everyone, pasty get the shotgun. everyone else we have to get back to the barn and make it as secure as poss" said Joe strapping on a leather girdle. "why the girdle Joe?" asked Essex boy. "I think it just looks cool" so everyone headed towards the barn.
2000 hours, 18,06,2004. spacecraft storage barn.
"well everyone we have to make this place as secure as possible, we can't let this get destroyed no matter what happens" said Joe.
"why is is so important?" asked robyn. "because if all else fails at least we may be able to escape somewhere else" "that seems very far fetched. there's no where known to man that is actually inhabitable" said Julia p. "yes well we will see" replied Joe suspiciously. just then pasty came running clutching his sacred oboe, and oboe weekly magazines. "their coming! their coming! gather what you can. we have to get out of here" he started shouting. "ok calm down paste my dear, what exactly is the situation?" asked Joe formally. "Debbie's computer has come back and is commanding a massive army of war computers!" pasty replied running around all over the gaff. "are they looking to break someone's ham and eggs then, causing a bit of bubble. coz if they are, we beta get on the dog and bone. that is unless you've got the Aristotle to take em on. coz if you have you might get a smack in the chevy chase! know what I mean" said wilko smoking a huge cigar and wearing an italian suit. "look we have to get out of here fast" said alion and ellie together. "right well we have to gather everything we can, anything any of you can think of that we might need. and get to the fish land!" said Joe packing up blueprints. "Joe's right, for a change. lets get going" said jeni.
refuge of the marrow's.
1112 hours, 18,06,2004. launch pad.
so Luke ran off to get byork, while robyn and jess loaded on the necessary equipment. "right get in there byork my old chum, my old mucker, me old spittle of a half nut matey" "yeah all right Luke just sit her in and strap her up" said Joe getting awfully impatient.
"right she's all ready to go Joe" said jess jumping out of the control room. "good show, Debbie, alion fire her up. Julia p, Arthur, prepare for the countdown" said Joe looking at his watch. "right engines fired" shouted alion. "ready to go when you are Arthur" said Debbie tapping in a few final instructions. "ok chiefs, she's 3 2 1 GO!!" shouted Arthur as he let off the thrusters.
as the spacecraft started to lift of the ground and byork closed her eyes and hoped. everyone stood in ore of what they had achieved. except wilko who claimed he could of done it all by himself, and entirely out of balsa wood and fairy washing up bottles.
so as the rocket shot up into the air, it started veering off to the left. "funny I'm sure that shouldn't happen" said Julia p fumbling with the ground navigation controls. "oops, I put Grimsby, not outer space, derh!" she exclaimed a little annoyed with herself.
"what! you put Grimsby as the destination!" said tom horrified. "well lets not be too hard on her, it was easily done" said Catherine.
"easily done!, how can outer space be anything like Grimsby?" retorted tom. "well this isn't good atal" said Anna.
1134 hours, 18,06,2004. Grimsby town.
"hey look up yonder Bernard, its spacecraft of some kind" "naw its probably concorde, ya daft cow" "but its travelling awful quick for concorde" said rose pondering. "cum on gal, horses need shoeing and dog need washing" said Bernard. "but first we need potato's from garden" said ethyl peering out of a window. "ooh shite, look up yonder, spacecraft!" she shouted. "ooh bugger!!"
1203 hours, 18,06,2004. workshop.
so as the burning flames of Grimsby lit up the skyline. Julia started whistling and strolling off. "Julia, come back I think we need to make a few minor adjustments" said pasty staring. so everyone went down the pub for a pint and a rethink.
"well never mind everyone, lets start again, at least now we know exactly how to build it" said sophie. "well that's true soph" said Vikki. so everyone had another drink and discussed there building plans. "well I'm going to get a kebab" said freeman. "I'll come with you for a kingsize" said fatbob finishing his pint. "anyone want anything?" asked freeman. so fatbob and freeman strolled off down the path. "right I'm getting the drinks in, who wants what?" said bigmore getting up. "well I want your pink shirt, but I guess that's not very likely is it?" said Joe analy. "well not really mate, I love this shirt" replied bigmore. just then fatbob came running in.
"you wont believe this" said fatbob panting from the "very" short run. "what?" asked suz buying another sambuca. "the kebab shops till just shot freeman straight in the head!" "oh shit! there taking over the world" said Luke throwing himself out the window.
"right" said becca, "we have to do something, there's a whole army of self aware electrical items heading towards the village" said fatbob looking worried for the first time since his pub was burnt down by aliens all those years ago. "ok calm down everyone, pasty get the shotgun. everyone else we have to get back to the barn and make it as secure as poss" said Joe strapping on a leather girdle. "why the girdle Joe?" asked Essex boy. "I think it just looks cool" so everyone headed towards the barn.
2000 hours, 18,06,2004. spacecraft storage barn.
"well everyone we have to make this place as secure as possible, we can't let this get destroyed no matter what happens" said Joe.
"why is is so important?" asked robyn. "because if all else fails at least we may be able to escape somewhere else" "that seems very far fetched. there's no where known to man that is actually inhabitable" said Julia p. "yes well we will see" replied Joe suspiciously. just then pasty came running clutching his sacred oboe, and oboe weekly magazines. "their coming! their coming! gather what you can. we have to get out of here" he started shouting. "ok calm down paste my dear, what exactly is the situation?" asked Joe formally. "Debbie's computer has come back and is commanding a massive army of war computers!" pasty replied running around all over the gaff. "are they looking to break someone's ham and eggs then, causing a bit of bubble. coz if they are, we beta get on the dog and bone. that is unless you've got the Aristotle to take em on. coz if you have you might get a smack in the chevy chase! know what I mean" said wilko smoking a huge cigar and wearing an italian suit. "look we have to get out of here fast" said alion and ellie together. "right well we have to gather everything we can, anything any of you can think of that we might need. and get to the fish land!" said Joe packing up blueprints. "Joe's right, for a change. lets get going" said jeni.
Thursday, 21 March 2002
CHAPTER 22 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2!! NOW THINGS ARE GETTING INTERESTING, BUT I DON'T CARE DARLING, SHE HASN'T GOT THE RANGE!! I LOVE HER TO BITS DA
DARLING, SHE HASN'T GOT THE RANGE!! I LOVE HER TO BITS DARLING, BUT SHE HASN'T GOT THE RANGE!!
chapter 22
an unforgettable discovery.
1700 hours, 15,06,2004. living room.
"oh my goodness!!" said Debbie almost in tears. "what are we going to do Joe" said robyn equally afraid. "I don't know guys, I really don't if the..... wait a sec something else is coming up" Joe stood staring at the screen. THE BRINGER OF DEATH IS AMONG U. 4 HE CAME OF THE CLINGFILM... 238648484. "what the hell does that mean" said suz walking in hearing all the commotion. "wait a minute, wait one damn minute" said Arthur. "what?" asked jules impatiently. "well who brought us the special nozzles?" he said. "well we grew them....... MATT!!! Essex boy brought them in his trunk" said Joe thinking very hard. as they were all wondering what to do, ellie came rushing in. "its cracknel they got him, they got him!" she said. "just a minute who, who got him?" asked Joe, as everyone came piling into the living room. "the fish people, they snatched him from the river! but they were different they looked evil and almost like robots!" she said sobbing. "the computers" said Debbie. "they've become self aware!!"
everyone stood still and quite for while. "I wonder what the numbers mean" said reena scratching violently. "I don't know maybe some sort of code for something" said jess. "well it must be important, I'll write it down" said Joe pulling out his notebook.
"right well I think we should destroy the computer before it does too much damage" said Debbie looking damn fine! "well I agree lets do it" agreed robyn.
1746 hours, 15,06,2004. back of barn.
so everyone except pasty and the band, congregated outside to destroy the evil computer. "now I think we should smash it first, then burn it, and then of course finally bury it" said Joe thinking hard. (something very hard for him to do!) so everyone smashed up the computer and burned it well. "well people what now?" asked freeman, "well we could always do your hair and dress you up in a pretty frock, simonettea!" said Luke. "well that would delightful!.. shut up boy!" replied freeman. so everyone retired to the house to discuss the situation. "well I think we need to be very careful from now on" said bidge putting the kettle on. "yes and we must finish the spacecraft as soon as possible" added Anna teaching a tortoise to play badminton! "well we could use it as some sort of laser if we designed one" suggested jess. "yes but on the other hand we could simply make a huge giraffe out of semolina and fill it with sugar mice, and then we" "no robyn" said jeni getting annoyed. "giant stuff might work on evil rabbits but not super efficient intelligent killing machines" she added. "is it just me, or is this whole situation rather like the terminator films?" asked Emily suspiciously. "well yes and no really, there weren't nozzles in the terminator" pondered bigmore. "now that would of been a movie worth watching" added sophie. "now look everyone lets concentrate on the job at hand shall we" said Joe in an important voice. "which is?" asked Debbie. "to finish building the spacecraft, test it out using byork, and then try to destroy the computers in the fish land, while trying not to get killed" he replied analy. "one things for sure, I'm never going anywhere with Joe again!" said ellie. "there been nothing but trouble" she added. "lets be fair" said louise, "its bidge's fault aswell, if it wasn't for her damn books!"
"now now lets not argue over who's fault it is" said tom firmly. "yes nows a time for rallying together" agreed viki.
"viki's right! its everyman for himself!" shouted wilko waving a club in the air! "do you ever actually listen?" asked louise despairingly. "huh men" she added. so everyone rallied round and, played strip monopoly.
1000 hours, 18,06, 2004. workshop.
so as the days went by, everyone worked non stop on the spacecraft. there was no more upheaval from the computers. and no-one had been able to get into see the fish people. though Arthur, Catherine and jules had tried a couple more times. pasty and the guys had returned and been filled in with the crazy news, fatbob had to sit down and have another shot of heroin to get over the shock!
so the day finally came on the 21st of the fine month of may when the spacecraft was ready to test. "well people lets test this thing, I think we have done everything but first we shall just run through the checklist" said Joe pulling out his pad again.
"right, onboard navigation" "check" said Julia p excitedly. "good, main fuel bay. good. engine cooling system, anti evil rabbit proof outer shell" "check" said robyn proudly. "good. on board computer, ejector thrusters, food lock chamber, giant connect 4!, good.
creative jenga, entire pixies album collection, nice pleated throws for the sofa, good. hamster wheel in case of boredom. good"
so when everything was checked and nothing had been forgotten. it was time for lift off. "well people lets do it, Luke get byork!!"
chapter 22
an unforgettable discovery.
1700 hours, 15,06,2004. living room.
"oh my goodness!!" said Debbie almost in tears. "what are we going to do Joe" said robyn equally afraid. "I don't know guys, I really don't if the..... wait a sec something else is coming up" Joe stood staring at the screen. THE BRINGER OF DEATH IS AMONG U. 4 HE CAME OF THE CLINGFILM... 238648484. "what the hell does that mean" said suz walking in hearing all the commotion. "wait a minute, wait one damn minute" said Arthur. "what?" asked jules impatiently. "well who brought us the special nozzles?" he said. "well we grew them....... MATT!!! Essex boy brought them in his trunk" said Joe thinking very hard. as they were all wondering what to do, ellie came rushing in. "its cracknel they got him, they got him!" she said. "just a minute who, who got him?" asked Joe, as everyone came piling into the living room. "the fish people, they snatched him from the river! but they were different they looked evil and almost like robots!" she said sobbing. "the computers" said Debbie. "they've become self aware!!"
everyone stood still and quite for while. "I wonder what the numbers mean" said reena scratching violently. "I don't know maybe some sort of code for something" said jess. "well it must be important, I'll write it down" said Joe pulling out his notebook.
"right well I think we should destroy the computer before it does too much damage" said Debbie looking damn fine! "well I agree lets do it" agreed robyn.
1746 hours, 15,06,2004. back of barn.
so everyone except pasty and the band, congregated outside to destroy the evil computer. "now I think we should smash it first, then burn it, and then of course finally bury it" said Joe thinking hard. (something very hard for him to do!) so everyone smashed up the computer and burned it well. "well people what now?" asked freeman, "well we could always do your hair and dress you up in a pretty frock, simonettea!" said Luke. "well that would delightful!.. shut up boy!" replied freeman. so everyone retired to the house to discuss the situation. "well I think we need to be very careful from now on" said bidge putting the kettle on. "yes and we must finish the spacecraft as soon as possible" added Anna teaching a tortoise to play badminton! "well we could use it as some sort of laser if we designed one" suggested jess. "yes but on the other hand we could simply make a huge giraffe out of semolina and fill it with sugar mice, and then we" "no robyn" said jeni getting annoyed. "giant stuff might work on evil rabbits but not super efficient intelligent killing machines" she added. "is it just me, or is this whole situation rather like the terminator films?" asked Emily suspiciously. "well yes and no really, there weren't nozzles in the terminator" pondered bigmore. "now that would of been a movie worth watching" added sophie. "now look everyone lets concentrate on the job at hand shall we" said Joe in an important voice. "which is?" asked Debbie. "to finish building the spacecraft, test it out using byork, and then try to destroy the computers in the fish land, while trying not to get killed" he replied analy. "one things for sure, I'm never going anywhere with Joe again!" said ellie. "there been nothing but trouble" she added. "lets be fair" said louise, "its bidge's fault aswell, if it wasn't for her damn books!"
"now now lets not argue over who's fault it is" said tom firmly. "yes nows a time for rallying together" agreed viki.
"viki's right! its everyman for himself!" shouted wilko waving a club in the air! "do you ever actually listen?" asked louise despairingly. "huh men" she added. so everyone rallied round and, played strip monopoly.
1000 hours, 18,06, 2004. workshop.
so as the days went by, everyone worked non stop on the spacecraft. there was no more upheaval from the computers. and no-one had been able to get into see the fish people. though Arthur, Catherine and jules had tried a couple more times. pasty and the guys had returned and been filled in with the crazy news, fatbob had to sit down and have another shot of heroin to get over the shock!
so the day finally came on the 21st of the fine month of may when the spacecraft was ready to test. "well people lets test this thing, I think we have done everything but first we shall just run through the checklist" said Joe pulling out his pad again.
"right, onboard navigation" "check" said Julia p excitedly. "good, main fuel bay. good. engine cooling system, anti evil rabbit proof outer shell" "check" said robyn proudly. "good. on board computer, ejector thrusters, food lock chamber, giant connect 4!, good.
creative jenga, entire pixies album collection, nice pleated throws for the sofa, good. hamster wheel in case of boredom. good"
so when everything was checked and nothing had been forgotten. it was time for lift off. "well people lets do it, Luke get byork!!"
Saturday, 16 March 2002
CHAPTER 21 FIELDS OF NOZZLES. VOLUME 2. OOOH SHIT!
chapter 21
I high quality investigation
0730 hours, 15,06,2004. breakfast room.
"well pasty my son, it is time to continue our tour sir" said fatbob one morning reading his roasts of the world book. "yes I simply can't wait mate" replied pasty. "even essex boy is excited about it" he added. just then onion came in wearing nothing but a bikini and a sarong. "now who wanted mushrooms?" she asked. "ooh me me" shouted fatbob licking his lips. "hey how about me?" asked Arthur. "yeah you better eat well art, remember we're going to see the fish people again today" said jules packing sandwiches for lunch. "oh yeah it will be good to see how Steve is" answered Arthur gobbling down as much as he good. "remember people, all do everything you want today, its full on back to the spacecraft construction tomorrow" said Joe. "why such a hurry to build this spacecraft Joe?" asked alion. "oh I just think its important to be ready tha all" replied Joe analy. "well we're off" said Essex boy loading his guitar case onto his donkey. "yup we'll see you all later" said alion getting very excited and lighting her pipe. "I simply can't wait to use my oboe" said pasty. so the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers were on their way to their next venue. as jules and Arthur headed towards the river. "hey there's ellie and cracknel" said Arthur waving. "er we were just going for a walk" said ellie cautiously. "oh I see Eleanor "walking" I see" "what are you doing here Joe" said ellie crossly. "don't worry ellie, I'll sort this" said cracknel, smackin Joe one in the jaw! "ow!! that really hurt" said Joe rubbing his face. "you just watch it matey, I've got courgettes" said freeman appearing from the undergrowth. "what are you doing here" said ellie getting more annoyed every minute. "I think we'll go Arthur, before things turn nasty" said jules strolling off. so Joe went to see reena for some stitches, and feeman went back to his bush.
1400 hours, 15,06,2004. fish gates.
"well here we are again" said Arthur walking up to the gates. "I wonder where fellow is today" he pondered to jules. "he's probably having his lunch art" replied jules knocking on the gates loudly. there was no answer for quite some time, so jules decided to try again. "funny I'll have another go, there must be someone there" she said knocking a bit louder this time. after five minutes or so they heard someone coming. "here we go, see no problem" said Arthur, so relaxed he nearly fell over!! the door slowly opened just a crack and a fish they'd never seen before peered through the opening. "what do you want?" he snapped. "if your selling ironing board covers, we've already got one thanks" he said slamming the doors. "wait we just want to see Steve" shouted Arthur "they worship me!!" he added indignantly. the fish opened the door once again, his eyes appeared almost like high beam ultra violet lights. "steve doesn't live here any more, he is dead" and the doors slammed again. "what the hell is going on" said jules. "i just don't understand. just then there sounded like a comotion coming from the other side of the gates, and the door flung open and mondu appeared frantic with fear! "GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!" he shouted in terror. "the've come, throw it away all of it cds and all!" just then what seemed like a steel fish grabbed him from behind and dragged him back inside! "listen to me destroy your computers!!" he shouted and then he was silenced, the doors slammed shut once again and that was that. "what did he mean by all that?" said arthur astounded. "i don't know but we better get out of here quick, and report this all to joe" said jules looking very worried indeed. "i fear something very nasty is going on in there" she said. so heading towards the waterfall as fast as they could art and jules were soon back by the river. "right lets go tell joe all about this"
1647 hours, 15,06,2004. joes office.
joe was sitting in his office working on the plans for the spacecraft. "joe!!" said jules running up the stairs two at a time. "whats up jules?" he asked. "its the fish people, something terrible is going on down there!" so jules and arthur told joe everything that had happened to them and everything that was said by the sinister fish. "this is all very worrying" said joe stroking his now stupidly long goatee. "yes but what did mondu mean about throwing everything away" said arthur picking nits out of his beard and eating them. just then debbie came in. "hey guys how did you get on with the fish guys? are they enjoying their pc i gave them?" she said stroking her paunch. "what you mean you gave them a computer?" asked joe alarmed. "yes just a pentium i had uprated with my pc course" debbie replied wondering what all the fuss was about. just then robyn came tearing in. "joe! joe! its the special nozzles!" she said all out of breath. "what, what about them" said everyone at once. "well i was studying them under a high pressure genetic strand reactor. and well it seems they have some sort of capaciters in their DNA strands!" she said all in a stress. "i just don't know what to make of it atal" she added. so everyone went downstairs to look at debbies computer.
"now how come the fish peoples computer went so mad assumably. and how come the special nozzles have pc capaciters in them" said joe booting it up. "funny" said debbie tapping in passwords. "i can't seem to access anything atal" then as the screen went completely black. and appearing in big black capitals came the words. GOOD LUK... U R GOING 2 DIE!!!!!!
I high quality investigation
0730 hours, 15,06,2004. breakfast room.
"well pasty my son, it is time to continue our tour sir" said fatbob one morning reading his roasts of the world book. "yes I simply can't wait mate" replied pasty. "even essex boy is excited about it" he added. just then onion came in wearing nothing but a bikini and a sarong. "now who wanted mushrooms?" she asked. "ooh me me" shouted fatbob licking his lips. "hey how about me?" asked Arthur. "yeah you better eat well art, remember we're going to see the fish people again today" said jules packing sandwiches for lunch. "oh yeah it will be good to see how Steve is" answered Arthur gobbling down as much as he good. "remember people, all do everything you want today, its full on back to the spacecraft construction tomorrow" said Joe. "why such a hurry to build this spacecraft Joe?" asked alion. "oh I just think its important to be ready tha all" replied Joe analy. "well we're off" said Essex boy loading his guitar case onto his donkey. "yup we'll see you all later" said alion getting very excited and lighting her pipe. "I simply can't wait to use my oboe" said pasty. so the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers were on their way to their next venue. as jules and Arthur headed towards the river. "hey there's ellie and cracknel" said Arthur waving. "er we were just going for a walk" said ellie cautiously. "oh I see Eleanor "walking" I see" "what are you doing here Joe" said ellie crossly. "don't worry ellie, I'll sort this" said cracknel, smackin Joe one in the jaw! "ow!! that really hurt" said Joe rubbing his face. "you just watch it matey, I've got courgettes" said freeman appearing from the undergrowth. "what are you doing here" said ellie getting more annoyed every minute. "I think we'll go Arthur, before things turn nasty" said jules strolling off. so Joe went to see reena for some stitches, and feeman went back to his bush.
1400 hours, 15,06,2004. fish gates.
"well here we are again" said Arthur walking up to the gates. "I wonder where fellow is today" he pondered to jules. "he's probably having his lunch art" replied jules knocking on the gates loudly. there was no answer for quite some time, so jules decided to try again. "funny I'll have another go, there must be someone there" she said knocking a bit louder this time. after five minutes or so they heard someone coming. "here we go, see no problem" said Arthur, so relaxed he nearly fell over!! the door slowly opened just a crack and a fish they'd never seen before peered through the opening. "what do you want?" he snapped. "if your selling ironing board covers, we've already got one thanks" he said slamming the doors. "wait we just want to see Steve" shouted Arthur "they worship me!!" he added indignantly. the fish opened the door once again, his eyes appeared almost like high beam ultra violet lights. "steve doesn't live here any more, he is dead" and the doors slammed again. "what the hell is going on" said jules. "i just don't understand. just then there sounded like a comotion coming from the other side of the gates, and the door flung open and mondu appeared frantic with fear! "GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!" he shouted in terror. "the've come, throw it away all of it cds and all!" just then what seemed like a steel fish grabbed him from behind and dragged him back inside! "listen to me destroy your computers!!" he shouted and then he was silenced, the doors slammed shut once again and that was that. "what did he mean by all that?" said arthur astounded. "i don't know but we better get out of here quick, and report this all to joe" said jules looking very worried indeed. "i fear something very nasty is going on in there" she said. so heading towards the waterfall as fast as they could art and jules were soon back by the river. "right lets go tell joe all about this"
1647 hours, 15,06,2004. joes office.
joe was sitting in his office working on the plans for the spacecraft. "joe!!" said jules running up the stairs two at a time. "whats up jules?" he asked. "its the fish people, something terrible is going on down there!" so jules and arthur told joe everything that had happened to them and everything that was said by the sinister fish. "this is all very worrying" said joe stroking his now stupidly long goatee. "yes but what did mondu mean about throwing everything away" said arthur picking nits out of his beard and eating them. just then debbie came in. "hey guys how did you get on with the fish guys? are they enjoying their pc i gave them?" she said stroking her paunch. "what you mean you gave them a computer?" asked joe alarmed. "yes just a pentium i had uprated with my pc course" debbie replied wondering what all the fuss was about. just then robyn came tearing in. "joe! joe! its the special nozzles!" she said all out of breath. "what, what about them" said everyone at once. "well i was studying them under a high pressure genetic strand reactor. and well it seems they have some sort of capaciters in their DNA strands!" she said all in a stress. "i just don't know what to make of it atal" she added. so everyone went downstairs to look at debbies computer.
"now how come the fish peoples computer went so mad assumably. and how come the special nozzles have pc capaciters in them" said joe booting it up. "funny" said debbie tapping in passwords. "i can't seem to access anything atal" then as the screen went completely black. and appearing in big black capitals came the words. GOOD LUK... U R GOING 2 DIE!!!!!!
Sunday, 10 March 2002
CHAPTER 20 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. ONLY 5 OR SO CHAPTERS TO GO!! MAYBE A FEW MORE.
chapter 20
byork and craft of nozzle!
0730 hours, 07,06,2004. morning nutrition consuming brickbased cubed facility (breakfast room)
"well ladies and gents, and you alion. today we must finish the planting and carry on with other matters" said Joe eating his golden muff balls. "but Joe what other matters do we actually have to do?" asked Anna doing so many things I can't be bothered to explain. "well" replied Joe. "there's the erm the playing and the band supporting and the strip monopoly and stuff" "don't you think we should be doing something more productive with our time?" asked bidge. "oh yeah what have you done?" asked jess.
"I've been writing all those oil books and publishing them by hand" answered bidge. "well I think toms been pretty lazy personally" said Luke, "he's not given me one hand restraining that byork yet" "hang on Luke, I've been busy cleaning my moccasins most days" said tom in his defence. "oh yeah that's useful" added jeni. "well what have you done?" asked onion incriminatingly. "what you've done bog all" said alion. "ooh I have to spray my dinosaur" she added. "well you shouldn't be in the band anyway, you can't even play" said fatbob steaming up. "well I never, at least I wash" replied alion. "LOOK EVERYONE!!!" shouted Joe analy. "we're all lazy ok, can we all stop arguing, I have an idea for our next project" he said in an important voice. "ok what is it?" asked louise.
"well"
0830 hours, 09,06,2004. breakfast room.
"well I wish Joe would tell us what his big plan is" said Emily reclining on a chair. "I'm sure he knows what he's doing" said Debbie still puzzling away on the computer. "well we've finished the planting now, and it won't be ready for harvesting for 4 weeks" said wendy pondering as usual. "morning everyone" said Joe cheerfully, as he walked into the breakfast room. "come on then Joe, what's all this secrecy, what are we going to do?" asked pasty scratching vigorously. "well if everyone would like to gather round the table, bigmore could you get everyone else in please" "sure thing sir" replied bigmore. so when everyone had gathered round and much pushing and shoving for the best seats had been done. it was time for Joe to release his plan. "now as some of you know robyn and alion have been exploring the strange energy giving properties of the special nozzles" said Joe. "yes do go on" said Catherine impatiently. "well it made me think, when the new nozzles are ready for harvesting. in theory they should have bearing in mind we crossed breed them 50/50 with the new nozzles, half the energy fuel of the special nozzles" he paused "supposedly" thinking hard. "well I thought we could build a spacecraft using nozzle fuel from the harvest, look I have the basic plans right here" he said rolling out some blueprints. "but Joe this is all rather ambitious isn't it?" asked robyn scratching her eyebrows. "yes robyn, but why not we can only try?" said Joe determined. "well I trust Joe's intuition, I don't know why but hell lets go for it" said ellie. "yes we're all with you Joe" said jess enthusiastically. "well i'll be damned if I'm gonna agree" "fatbob!!" said onion. "I mean yeah I'm with ya Joe, er always man" said fatbob biting his fist.
1300 hours, 09,06,2004. workshop.
"right now guys" said Joe rubbing his hands in glee. "all the steel arrived yesterday, Arthur will be in charge of the physics and stress's. robyn and alion as they have been researching the fuel, will be in charge of the engine and fuel dock. juliap with her vast knowledge of space will be in charge of navigation. I will be in charge of general design, fatbob speedstripes" "yes!!" replied fatbob, "I call red" "good right everyone else you know your places, lets get cracking! oh and Debbie your in charge of the onboard computer systems" "yey I like responsibility" said Debbie jumping up and down. so everyone got stuck in, for many days they laboured, and for many weeks they would.
2115 hours, 13,06,2004. mug and nonce.
"well everyone things are going very well. well done all of you for your hard work" said Joe raising his glass. "yes it has been a success, I just think there should be a bar on board" said ellie raising her empty glass. "well we are rather strap for space. said louise reading "today's nun" magazine. "well anyway apart from all that" said Debbie drinking her vakodka. "I was just wandering who's going to have the guts to be the first to fly this thing?" she enquired. "ar well that's where I come in" said Luke proudly.
"wow! your going to fly that thing, that's very brave of you" said becca. "no! I'm sending byork up there, I'm not stupid that things a death trap" replied Luke. "and another thing Joe" said pasty, the cogs whirring inside his head. "what's that paste mate?" asked Joe."why the hell does it have to be shaped like a sheep?"
byork and craft of nozzle!
0730 hours, 07,06,2004. morning nutrition consuming brickbased cubed facility (breakfast room)
"well ladies and gents, and you alion. today we must finish the planting and carry on with other matters" said Joe eating his golden muff balls. "but Joe what other matters do we actually have to do?" asked Anna doing so many things I can't be bothered to explain. "well" replied Joe. "there's the erm the playing and the band supporting and the strip monopoly and stuff" "don't you think we should be doing something more productive with our time?" asked bidge. "oh yeah what have you done?" asked jess.
"I've been writing all those oil books and publishing them by hand" answered bidge. "well I think toms been pretty lazy personally" said Luke, "he's not given me one hand restraining that byork yet" "hang on Luke, I've been busy cleaning my moccasins most days" said tom in his defence. "oh yeah that's useful" added jeni. "well what have you done?" asked onion incriminatingly. "what you've done bog all" said alion. "ooh I have to spray my dinosaur" she added. "well you shouldn't be in the band anyway, you can't even play" said fatbob steaming up. "well I never, at least I wash" replied alion. "LOOK EVERYONE!!!" shouted Joe analy. "we're all lazy ok, can we all stop arguing, I have an idea for our next project" he said in an important voice. "ok what is it?" asked louise.
"well"
0830 hours, 09,06,2004. breakfast room.
"well I wish Joe would tell us what his big plan is" said Emily reclining on a chair. "I'm sure he knows what he's doing" said Debbie still puzzling away on the computer. "well we've finished the planting now, and it won't be ready for harvesting for 4 weeks" said wendy pondering as usual. "morning everyone" said Joe cheerfully, as he walked into the breakfast room. "come on then Joe, what's all this secrecy, what are we going to do?" asked pasty scratching vigorously. "well if everyone would like to gather round the table, bigmore could you get everyone else in please" "sure thing sir" replied bigmore. so when everyone had gathered round and much pushing and shoving for the best seats had been done. it was time for Joe to release his plan. "now as some of you know robyn and alion have been exploring the strange energy giving properties of the special nozzles" said Joe. "yes do go on" said Catherine impatiently. "well it made me think, when the new nozzles are ready for harvesting. in theory they should have bearing in mind we crossed breed them 50/50 with the new nozzles, half the energy fuel of the special nozzles" he paused "supposedly" thinking hard. "well I thought we could build a spacecraft using nozzle fuel from the harvest, look I have the basic plans right here" he said rolling out some blueprints. "but Joe this is all rather ambitious isn't it?" asked robyn scratching her eyebrows. "yes robyn, but why not we can only try?" said Joe determined. "well I trust Joe's intuition, I don't know why but hell lets go for it" said ellie. "yes we're all with you Joe" said jess enthusiastically. "well i'll be damned if I'm gonna agree" "fatbob!!" said onion. "I mean yeah I'm with ya Joe, er always man" said fatbob biting his fist.
1300 hours, 09,06,2004. workshop.
"right now guys" said Joe rubbing his hands in glee. "all the steel arrived yesterday, Arthur will be in charge of the physics and stress's. robyn and alion as they have been researching the fuel, will be in charge of the engine and fuel dock. juliap with her vast knowledge of space will be in charge of navigation. I will be in charge of general design, fatbob speedstripes" "yes!!" replied fatbob, "I call red" "good right everyone else you know your places, lets get cracking! oh and Debbie your in charge of the onboard computer systems" "yey I like responsibility" said Debbie jumping up and down. so everyone got stuck in, for many days they laboured, and for many weeks they would.
2115 hours, 13,06,2004. mug and nonce.
"well everyone things are going very well. well done all of you for your hard work" said Joe raising his glass. "yes it has been a success, I just think there should be a bar on board" said ellie raising her empty glass. "well we are rather strap for space. said louise reading "today's nun" magazine. "well anyway apart from all that" said Debbie drinking her vakodka. "I was just wandering who's going to have the guts to be the first to fly this thing?" she enquired. "ar well that's where I come in" said Luke proudly.
"wow! your going to fly that thing, that's very brave of you" said becca. "no! I'm sending byork up there, I'm not stupid that things a death trap" replied Luke. "and another thing Joe" said pasty, the cogs whirring inside his head. "what's that paste mate?" asked Joe."why the hell does it have to be shaped like a sheep?"
Tuesday, 5 March 2002
CHAPTER 19 OF FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. SO THE DISH RAN AWAY WITH THE SPOON!
chapter 19.
a barrelful of affairs.
1530 hours, 05,06,2004. main farming fields.
so everyone was working hard planting the new nozzle plants. "where's Arthur and James gone tom?" asked Catherine while taking great care deleafing a nozzle sapling. "I don't know actually Catherine, they just took off earlier" tom replied tilling away.
"Arthur stop it, this affair must end, its been going on since we moved to tollyhot" said pasty. " I know I know. but its soo hard" replied Arthur. "I reckon your right about robyn and jules though, and their sordid devilry" said pasty. "come on lets get back to planting" just then suz came running in to fetch another hoe. "oh my goodness, I knew it ever since that night in the firkin at Christmas" she said astonished. "now calm down suz we were rehearsing for a play" said pasty trying to keep control of the situation. "what was the film called hey? monkey has relations with lunatic hey is that what your trying to tell me?" said suzanne.
"yeah alright love calm down, have a banana" offered Arthur. "I don't want a damn banana art" replied suz. "ok ok, their good bananas?" just then becca came running in. "quick suz, Emily just found jules and robyn locked in a loving embrace in the grain barn...... oh I see you've got your own problems here, I'll just be off" said becca legging it out the door. "oh damn" said pasty.
2300 hours, 05,06,2004. main enjoyment sector (living room)
"well I just don't know what to do with you lot, I really don't" said Joe in an important voice pacing up and down. "I've let you do as you please like respectable adults, and look what I get in return" "er Joe, your the youngest person here" pointed out Anna.
"that's not the point" said Joe impatiently. "yes but it is the point isn't it because......." "yes alright tom I get what your saying,
the point is I don't want this sort of behaviour on my farm" "hang on a minute, what about your twisted affairs with various circus performers" said bidge. "yeah... well... that's different" "in what way Joe, I don't want you ordering kinky clown anymore" said debs quite firmly. "ok ok, lets just go down the pub" said Joe pulling on his shoes. "and the kebab shop" added fatbob, "but I do need a cashpoint first!"
0100 hours, 06,06,2004. mug and nonce.
"well I'm glad we cleared up all this affair business" said Essex boy, polishing his massive gold sovereign ring. "yes I am quite relieved I must say" agreed alion. "well it was bound to all come out eventually, I'm just glad it was over a kebab" said Arthur munching away. "Arthur your not supposed to eat in here" said jules. "yes but it tastes so good" replied Arthur. "by the way wilko, where's baartaur?" asked louise. "ar well I sort of sold him honey" replied wilko sheepishly. "what you sold our son? and don't call me honey" said louise angrily. "ok lads keep it down, you'll scare away my business" said fatbob cleaning a glass vigorously. "but fatbob us lot are your only customers" said becca just as her phone rang. "hello oh right, what right away? oh I see I'll be right there" "what was all that about becca?" asked ellie purchasing yet another packet of onion rings."erm ditch meetup in London colney, gotta go seeya guys" said becca running off up the path. "I do worry about that girl I really do" said jeni. "Luke, how's byork after this weeks gig? has she recovered from the cattle prod?" asked suzanne, kissing the right simon this time. "oh she's fine, just a little shaky" answered Luke. "well come on lads, I need a kebab" said fatbob pulling on his coat.
0200 hours, 06,06,2004. farmhouse, lads room.
"well fatbob, that was a damn good kebab. got any of that heroin?" asked Arthur rolling a cigarette. "not for you my son, not for you" replied fatbob. "so Luke why do you enjoy keeping byork in a cupboard, she keeps me up all night scratching and banging" said Arthur. "I know arth mate, the sedatives are on the way from, "subdue a whore UK.COM" then we'll all sleep soundly" said Luke.
"well lads, who's up for a bit of poker?" asked fatbob. "fatbob stop stroking that damn porcelain seal" said Luke folding shirts with a ruler. "its not my fault, robyn won't let me near her eyebrows atal until she's sure their ok" replied fatbob. "well anyway I'm going to sleep, lots more planting to do tomorrow" said Arthur lying down. "yes good idea arth, seeya in the morn for more nozzle action"
a barrelful of affairs.
1530 hours, 05,06,2004. main farming fields.
so everyone was working hard planting the new nozzle plants. "where's Arthur and James gone tom?" asked Catherine while taking great care deleafing a nozzle sapling. "I don't know actually Catherine, they just took off earlier" tom replied tilling away.
"Arthur stop it, this affair must end, its been going on since we moved to tollyhot" said pasty. " I know I know. but its soo hard" replied Arthur. "I reckon your right about robyn and jules though, and their sordid devilry" said pasty. "come on lets get back to planting" just then suz came running in to fetch another hoe. "oh my goodness, I knew it ever since that night in the firkin at Christmas" she said astonished. "now calm down suz we were rehearsing for a play" said pasty trying to keep control of the situation. "what was the film called hey? monkey has relations with lunatic hey is that what your trying to tell me?" said suzanne.
"yeah alright love calm down, have a banana" offered Arthur. "I don't want a damn banana art" replied suz. "ok ok, their good bananas?" just then becca came running in. "quick suz, Emily just found jules and robyn locked in a loving embrace in the grain barn...... oh I see you've got your own problems here, I'll just be off" said becca legging it out the door. "oh damn" said pasty.
2300 hours, 05,06,2004. main enjoyment sector (living room)
"well I just don't know what to do with you lot, I really don't" said Joe in an important voice pacing up and down. "I've let you do as you please like respectable adults, and look what I get in return" "er Joe, your the youngest person here" pointed out Anna.
"that's not the point" said Joe impatiently. "yes but it is the point isn't it because......." "yes alright tom I get what your saying,
the point is I don't want this sort of behaviour on my farm" "hang on a minute, what about your twisted affairs with various circus performers" said bidge. "yeah... well... that's different" "in what way Joe, I don't want you ordering kinky clown anymore" said debs quite firmly. "ok ok, lets just go down the pub" said Joe pulling on his shoes. "and the kebab shop" added fatbob, "but I do need a cashpoint first!"
0100 hours, 06,06,2004. mug and nonce.
"well I'm glad we cleared up all this affair business" said Essex boy, polishing his massive gold sovereign ring. "yes I am quite relieved I must say" agreed alion. "well it was bound to all come out eventually, I'm just glad it was over a kebab" said Arthur munching away. "Arthur your not supposed to eat in here" said jules. "yes but it tastes so good" replied Arthur. "by the way wilko, where's baartaur?" asked louise. "ar well I sort of sold him honey" replied wilko sheepishly. "what you sold our son? and don't call me honey" said louise angrily. "ok lads keep it down, you'll scare away my business" said fatbob cleaning a glass vigorously. "but fatbob us lot are your only customers" said becca just as her phone rang. "hello oh right, what right away? oh I see I'll be right there" "what was all that about becca?" asked ellie purchasing yet another packet of onion rings."erm ditch meetup in London colney, gotta go seeya guys" said becca running off up the path. "I do worry about that girl I really do" said jeni. "Luke, how's byork after this weeks gig? has she recovered from the cattle prod?" asked suzanne, kissing the right simon this time. "oh she's fine, just a little shaky" answered Luke. "well come on lads, I need a kebab" said fatbob pulling on his coat.
0200 hours, 06,06,2004. farmhouse, lads room.
"well fatbob, that was a damn good kebab. got any of that heroin?" asked Arthur rolling a cigarette. "not for you my son, not for you" replied fatbob. "so Luke why do you enjoy keeping byork in a cupboard, she keeps me up all night scratching and banging" said Arthur. "I know arth mate, the sedatives are on the way from, "subdue a whore UK.COM" then we'll all sleep soundly" said Luke.
"well lads, who's up for a bit of poker?" asked fatbob. "fatbob stop stroking that damn porcelain seal" said Luke folding shirts with a ruler. "its not my fault, robyn won't let me near her eyebrows atal until she's sure their ok" replied fatbob. "well anyway I'm going to sleep, lots more planting to do tomorrow" said Arthur lying down. "yes good idea arth, seeya in the morn for more nozzle action"
Sunday, 3 March 2002
CHAPTER 18 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. SORRY GUYS BEEN BUSY AND MY EMAILS SCREWY AGAIN!!
chapter 18
fields of dreams
1500 hours, 15,05,2004. cattle stable.
so debbie and bidge were still working on there publishing. the pilchard pokers were preparing for their tour. and steve was ready to go back to fish land. all was well except louise, wendy and emma were now ready to start opperating on bonko. "well this is it wendy lets get started, scalpel please" "louise how come yesterday we said we had to opperate imediatly but we didn't bother till today?" asked emma confused again. "well i had a very important meeting to go to" replied louise. "what meeting louise?" asked wendy. "errm the meeting for the er pencil comittee" answered louise. "anyway lets get started" said emma pulling on her gloves. so for many hours the girls sliced and cut, stitched and sowed, pulled and pushed untill eventually. "well there we are" said louise.
"yes louise thats a very nice raspberry flan. but can we get on with the opperation" said emma exasperated. "ooh its damn good flan though" said tom and arthur digging in. "do you mind you two, we're in the middle of a very important opperation" said wendy crossly. "yes but you still had time for flan didn't you" pointed out tom running off with the plate. "hey come back with that damn flan" shouted arthur running after him! "haha" said tom. "i do worry about those two" said louise.
1000 hours, 03,06,2004. farmhouse.
so steve had gone home thanking everyone as he went. bonko was recovering well, even though he still had some flan in his kidney lining! debbies computer had crashed with a strange virus. jo c had returned from england. and the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers national zambian tour had begun. all was well when joe made his usual after breakfast "anal" speach. "now people all has been going reasonably well lately i know, but it is time for our new harvest to be planted. which we will have to start tomorrow. also alion, robyn. hows the experiments going?" he asked. "well" replied alion. "i think we can cross breed the special nozzles with the normal nozzles to make them grow ten times quicker" "yes so if we start planting tomorrow we should have nozzles in four weeks" added robyn very excited. "good good, we shall definatly start planting tomorrow then" said joe.
"viki hows the stud farm doing?" "not too bad thanks, carlos got some very decent horses" "good, now my only real concern is the very sinister nature of the nozzles, that very odd incident with filbert. thank God robyns eyebrows were there, or who knows what would of happened. and debbies computer having this strange, so it seems nozzle related virus" "yes i am quite worried about that computer, it just keeps coming up with evil nozzle related jests" said debbie pondering.
1900 hours, 04,06,2004. the girafe ironmonger pub.
"well this is it guys, the big one" said pasty. "yeah there must be at least 12 people out there" said alion peering round the curtains. "i hope we can remember everything we've practised" said essex boy. "i'm sure we'll be fine" said onion. "oh stop drinking fatbob" she said. "right lets get byork out there" said luke getting out his whip. (he had become their roady) "yes lets get on with it" said fatbob grabbing a crowbar. "are you sure thats humane, keeping her in there luke?" asked onion rather concerned. "yes of course it is" replied luke pulling off the lid of a 2foot square crate. so byork was pushed through the curtains, with her shackels still on her ankles. "ladies and gentlemen will you please welcome "the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" and please get me a hacksaw!"
1315 hours, 05,06,2004. farmhouse.
"so debs you stunningly fit small person, have you sorted out your computer yet?" asked joe looking through his hire a clown brouchure. "well it seems ok at the moment, but i'm not very happy with it to be honest it seems to be all very sinister" replied debs looking baffled. "so can you still finish bidges book?" he asked. "well i think so, at least i have this new manual on solving virus's. and my next instalment of pc home programing" she answered flicking through. "oh well i'm sure we'll sort it out somehow"
"you mean i will, you don't know anything about this do you" said debs. "mm yeah thats right" replied joe. "now if you'll excuse me i have a shrew to teach the piano" "but you don't play the piano... oh whatever" meanwhile outside behind the dinosaur barn.
"trust me chief he's in perfect order, a bargain if you ask me" said wilko. "well tis a good good offer you show me sure, but dis very much money you ask" said barry smith stroking his chin. "i tell you what, if its all in bangers and mash. you can have him for £1100" said wilko. "come on man, i need some money, my children need heroin" "ok ok i'll take baartaur for dis price you ask, the zambian government will be very interested in him" said chief barry. "take care son, remember don't say anything about my probation" said wilko waving to baartaur.
fields of dreams
1500 hours, 15,05,2004. cattle stable.
so debbie and bidge were still working on there publishing. the pilchard pokers were preparing for their tour. and steve was ready to go back to fish land. all was well except louise, wendy and emma were now ready to start opperating on bonko. "well this is it wendy lets get started, scalpel please" "louise how come yesterday we said we had to opperate imediatly but we didn't bother till today?" asked emma confused again. "well i had a very important meeting to go to" replied louise. "what meeting louise?" asked wendy. "errm the meeting for the er pencil comittee" answered louise. "anyway lets get started" said emma pulling on her gloves. so for many hours the girls sliced and cut, stitched and sowed, pulled and pushed untill eventually. "well there we are" said louise.
"yes louise thats a very nice raspberry flan. but can we get on with the opperation" said emma exasperated. "ooh its damn good flan though" said tom and arthur digging in. "do you mind you two, we're in the middle of a very important opperation" said wendy crossly. "yes but you still had time for flan didn't you" pointed out tom running off with the plate. "hey come back with that damn flan" shouted arthur running after him! "haha" said tom. "i do worry about those two" said louise.
1000 hours, 03,06,2004. farmhouse.
so steve had gone home thanking everyone as he went. bonko was recovering well, even though he still had some flan in his kidney lining! debbies computer had crashed with a strange virus. jo c had returned from england. and the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers national zambian tour had begun. all was well when joe made his usual after breakfast "anal" speach. "now people all has been going reasonably well lately i know, but it is time for our new harvest to be planted. which we will have to start tomorrow. also alion, robyn. hows the experiments going?" he asked. "well" replied alion. "i think we can cross breed the special nozzles with the normal nozzles to make them grow ten times quicker" "yes so if we start planting tomorrow we should have nozzles in four weeks" added robyn very excited. "good good, we shall definatly start planting tomorrow then" said joe.
"viki hows the stud farm doing?" "not too bad thanks, carlos got some very decent horses" "good, now my only real concern is the very sinister nature of the nozzles, that very odd incident with filbert. thank God robyns eyebrows were there, or who knows what would of happened. and debbies computer having this strange, so it seems nozzle related virus" "yes i am quite worried about that computer, it just keeps coming up with evil nozzle related jests" said debbie pondering.
1900 hours, 04,06,2004. the girafe ironmonger pub.
"well this is it guys, the big one" said pasty. "yeah there must be at least 12 people out there" said alion peering round the curtains. "i hope we can remember everything we've practised" said essex boy. "i'm sure we'll be fine" said onion. "oh stop drinking fatbob" she said. "right lets get byork out there" said luke getting out his whip. (he had become their roady) "yes lets get on with it" said fatbob grabbing a crowbar. "are you sure thats humane, keeping her in there luke?" asked onion rather concerned. "yes of course it is" replied luke pulling off the lid of a 2foot square crate. so byork was pushed through the curtains, with her shackels still on her ankles. "ladies and gentlemen will you please welcome "the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" and please get me a hacksaw!"
1315 hours, 05,06,2004. farmhouse.
"so debs you stunningly fit small person, have you sorted out your computer yet?" asked joe looking through his hire a clown brouchure. "well it seems ok at the moment, but i'm not very happy with it to be honest it seems to be all very sinister" replied debs looking baffled. "so can you still finish bidges book?" he asked. "well i think so, at least i have this new manual on solving virus's. and my next instalment of pc home programing" she answered flicking through. "oh well i'm sure we'll sort it out somehow"
"you mean i will, you don't know anything about this do you" said debs. "mm yeah thats right" replied joe. "now if you'll excuse me i have a shrew to teach the piano" "but you don't play the piano... oh whatever" meanwhile outside behind the dinosaur barn.
"trust me chief he's in perfect order, a bargain if you ask me" said wilko. "well tis a good good offer you show me sure, but dis very much money you ask" said barry smith stroking his chin. "i tell you what, if its all in bangers and mash. you can have him for £1100" said wilko. "come on man, i need some money, my children need heroin" "ok ok i'll take baartaur for dis price you ask, the zambian government will be very interested in him" said chief barry. "take care son, remember don't say anything about my probation" said wilko waving to baartaur.
Friday, 22 February 2002
CHAPTER 17 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. ITS ONE THING TO DITCH SOMEONE AT THE ALTER, BUT SURELY ITS WORSE TO SEND SOMEONE ALONG WHO LOOKS A LITTLE BIT
LIKE YOU
1800 hours, 13,05,2004. farmhouse, jules room.
so everyone went to see how jules was getting on. "hows it going jules?" asked joe analy. "not too bad not too bad, these special nozzles seem to disperse some sort of healing chemical" replied jules up to her elbows in fish. "what exactly is wrong with him?" asked pasty. "well its some sort of liver and lung condition. i think it may of come about due to the polution back in tollyhot river" answered reena stitching away happily. "well i think your doing very well, both of you" said joe, "i knew those nozzles would do the trick" he said. "how come you knew?" asked arthur suspiciously. "well i just had a feeling really" replied joe awkwardly. "mm" pondered arthur. "well lets get some horses bought" said onion to viki. "yes lets get to it, carlos, you coming to arrange some buying?" asked viki. "yes of course my dears, lets get to it" replied carlos, quite looking forward to showing off his horse knowledge
1015 hours, 14,05,2004. main situation chamber (living room)
"well bidge lets get this book online shall we" said debbie rubbing her hands together. "yes lets give it a go, i'll get the kettle on while you boot her up" said bidge heading for the kitchen. "yes i'll try my new updated publishing software" said debbie pulling out a disk from her pc bag. "well robyn shall we continue our research into the strange healing power of the nozzle" said alion finshing breakfast. "yes i think we shall" said robyn, rubbing savlon into her eyebrows. "how are the eyebrows after yesterday robyn?" asked emily rubbing her now quite enormous tummy!! "well their a bit scratched and bruised but not too bad thanks, i'm giving them a break from fatbob for a day or so" replied robyn. "oh good, i hoped you would" said emily. "hows the baby anyway?" asked catherine. "not bad thanks, a bit kicky at the moment though" so onion and viki (with carlos's help) were off buying horses. emma was checking over the working cattle. and the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers were having another band practice.
"fatbob do you have to keep shooting up while we practice" said pasty flamboyantly playing the guitar. "yes well wilko sells it so cheap.... so yes, yes i do" meanwhile debbie was having a lot of problems with her pc. "i just don't understand, it keeps coming up with errors, i think there's some sort of software bug. "well i hope it doesn't loose any important information" said bidge, checking over her book, while stirring a teapot vigouresly.
1200 hours, 14,05,2004. louises's room.
"well wendy, looks like we've lost again" said louise as energy cleared up at monopoly again. just then emma came trotting in.
"i'm afraid bonko the bull is very unwell" she said looking a bit worried. "oh well i better go have a look" said louise. "come on wendy" down at the cattle barn bonko looked very tired. "well lets have a look" said louise, getting out her stethoskope (apoligies to those "medical" people who will be annoyed by the spelling) "yes i think we will have to opperate imediately" agreed wendy.
meanwhile king steve was looking and feeling much better. he even got a visit from the village chief. "you wanna whiskey yes, mm good whiskey this be" said barry smiling and holding himself up by holding grimly onto the curtains. "yeah i'm ok thanks chief" replied steve, not quite ready for alcohol just yet! "oh i'll go for some though" said arthur strolling in, "mm sweet whiskey"
1314 hours, 14,05,2004. filberts barn.
"you know filberts quite a nice vegesaur when you get to know him" jess said to jeni, playing rock, paper, scissors with filbert.
"yeah he's not too bad a guy is he, i'm glad he stopped being a murderous killer" agreed jeni flicking through some useful notes on dinosaurs. "its all thanks to robyns eyebrows at the end of the day, i do hope their ok, i may send them some flowers" said jess.
"yes quite, very brave facial hairs they were" said jeni. "come on jess lets get bidge to make us some tea" so jess and jeni came to see how debs and bidge were doing. "hows it going debs, any luck yet?" asked jeni. "well it seems to be working now, i'm just spell checking it through" replied debbie, still not quite satisfied. "hey guys" said luke walking in. "have you seen some shackles anywhere around?" no not recently luke, why?" replied emily eating gherkin and honey sandwiches. "well byork keeps trying to escape, and next week we need her to come on the pilchard pokers zambian tour" "well will you let her go after that?" enquired emily. "er.......... no"
1800 hours, 13,05,2004. farmhouse, jules room.
so everyone went to see how jules was getting on. "hows it going jules?" asked joe analy. "not too bad not too bad, these special nozzles seem to disperse some sort of healing chemical" replied jules up to her elbows in fish. "what exactly is wrong with him?" asked pasty. "well its some sort of liver and lung condition. i think it may of come about due to the polution back in tollyhot river" answered reena stitching away happily. "well i think your doing very well, both of you" said joe, "i knew those nozzles would do the trick" he said. "how come you knew?" asked arthur suspiciously. "well i just had a feeling really" replied joe awkwardly. "mm" pondered arthur. "well lets get some horses bought" said onion to viki. "yes lets get to it, carlos, you coming to arrange some buying?" asked viki. "yes of course my dears, lets get to it" replied carlos, quite looking forward to showing off his horse knowledge
1015 hours, 14,05,2004. main situation chamber (living room)
"well bidge lets get this book online shall we" said debbie rubbing her hands together. "yes lets give it a go, i'll get the kettle on while you boot her up" said bidge heading for the kitchen. "yes i'll try my new updated publishing software" said debbie pulling out a disk from her pc bag. "well robyn shall we continue our research into the strange healing power of the nozzle" said alion finshing breakfast. "yes i think we shall" said robyn, rubbing savlon into her eyebrows. "how are the eyebrows after yesterday robyn?" asked emily rubbing her now quite enormous tummy!! "well their a bit scratched and bruised but not too bad thanks, i'm giving them a break from fatbob for a day or so" replied robyn. "oh good, i hoped you would" said emily. "hows the baby anyway?" asked catherine. "not bad thanks, a bit kicky at the moment though" so onion and viki (with carlos's help) were off buying horses. emma was checking over the working cattle. and the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers were having another band practice.
"fatbob do you have to keep shooting up while we practice" said pasty flamboyantly playing the guitar. "yes well wilko sells it so cheap.... so yes, yes i do" meanwhile debbie was having a lot of problems with her pc. "i just don't understand, it keeps coming up with errors, i think there's some sort of software bug. "well i hope it doesn't loose any important information" said bidge, checking over her book, while stirring a teapot vigouresly.
1200 hours, 14,05,2004. louises's room.
"well wendy, looks like we've lost again" said louise as energy cleared up at monopoly again. just then emma came trotting in.
"i'm afraid bonko the bull is very unwell" she said looking a bit worried. "oh well i better go have a look" said louise. "come on wendy" down at the cattle barn bonko looked very tired. "well lets have a look" said louise, getting out her stethoskope (apoligies to those "medical" people who will be annoyed by the spelling) "yes i think we will have to opperate imediately" agreed wendy.
meanwhile king steve was looking and feeling much better. he even got a visit from the village chief. "you wanna whiskey yes, mm good whiskey this be" said barry smiling and holding himself up by holding grimly onto the curtains. "yeah i'm ok thanks chief" replied steve, not quite ready for alcohol just yet! "oh i'll go for some though" said arthur strolling in, "mm sweet whiskey"
1314 hours, 14,05,2004. filberts barn.
"you know filberts quite a nice vegesaur when you get to know him" jess said to jeni, playing rock, paper, scissors with filbert.
"yeah he's not too bad a guy is he, i'm glad he stopped being a murderous killer" agreed jeni flicking through some useful notes on dinosaurs. "its all thanks to robyns eyebrows at the end of the day, i do hope their ok, i may send them some flowers" said jess.
"yes quite, very brave facial hairs they were" said jeni. "come on jess lets get bidge to make us some tea" so jess and jeni came to see how debs and bidge were doing. "hows it going debs, any luck yet?" asked jeni. "well it seems to be working now, i'm just spell checking it through" replied debbie, still not quite satisfied. "hey guys" said luke walking in. "have you seen some shackles anywhere around?" no not recently luke, why?" replied emily eating gherkin and honey sandwiches. "well byork keeps trying to escape, and next week we need her to come on the pilchard pokers zambian tour" "well will you let her go after that?" enquired emily. "er.......... no"
Tuesday, 12 February 2002
CHAPTER 16 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. WHAT A BUSY DAY!! I'D RATHER JUST HAVE A PINT!
chapter 16
dino of death!
1000 hours, 13,05,2004. nozzle barn.
as if by magic hundreds of fish geezers came pouring out of the surounding woods!! "right lets sort these baboons" said mondu, leading the rabble. "so wheres fondu?" shouted arthur over the din of baboons chattering. "i'm afraid he died last year of a gill infection" replied a small butterflyfish, charging through the barn doors! so all the fish people went piling into the barn and began to club the baboons to death!! "joe why are they called fish people, when they are blatently just fish" asked pasty. "well i don't know to be honest paste my friend." replied joe, peering through the window. "well they do hover and breath air" added debbie. "yes but we don't hover debs" said suz holding onto bigmore. "yeah you just stay there sweet mumma" said bigmore, slyly buying heroin off wilko. so what came to be known as the great battle of fish people and baboons went on, and all but the mightiest warriors fell. and lo! the battle ended and the fish people were triumphant. "oh steve you big carp, how can we ever repay you?" asked joe in an important voice. "well jules can make me better, as she promised" replied steve. "why of course i will try" said jules heaving baboons onto a big fire. "good let it begin" said steve.
1325 hours, 13,05,2004. dinosaur storage barn.
so as jules, and reena with her amazing yet sometimes unorthodox surgical know-how began their work on steve the king carp.
jess and jeni went back to the barn to see jeni's dinosaur. "i think i will call him filbert" said jeni staring up at him. "sounds very apt for a dinosaur" jess said agreeingly. "is that a nozzle plant growing out of his eye" said luke walking in mysteriously. "what do you mean luke?" asked jess. "look, up there he has something green growing out of his eyes" said luke again. "what are you doing here anyway?" asked jeni."well i came to get some fish heads for byork actually" said luke, "shes started demanding food, i mean i ask you" "yes luke ok, you just look after poor old byork" said jess. but as jeni and jess began to beat luke playfully with a tube of cheese and chive pringles. filbert slowly began to turn his head, his eyes began glowing bright nozzle green. "er jess....." what luke?" asked jess. "the..the... dinosaur!!" said luke running out the barn door. "oh dear" said jeni shaking. filbert began to pull its arms and legs off its chains! and came crashing towards jess and jeni! "shit were in for it now" said jeni quaking in her stout plimsoles. "what the hell is going on here" said matt. (who was out for a run) "i'm afraid filberts gone quite mad" said jess loading her gun. "i'll say, maybe it likes sultanas" said matt jossling in his bag. "this is no time for novelty snacks man" said jess. "yet get a grip you fool" said jeni smacking him with the back of her hand. but just then filbert leaned down, and snatched matt straight of the floor!! "right theres nothing for it" said jess firing her gun empty. "lets run for it, we have to get joe" so as jeni and jess ran from the barn and matts blood came raining down apon their haeds. tom came bounding down the track. "luke told me what was happening, what the hell did you water it with?" he said panting. "just do something tom" replied jess. "yes help us tom, we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas" agreed jeni. "well i could try using my amazing mokason power" said tom pondering. "yes but we may need something that actually works" said jeni. just then robyns eyebrows came steaming up behind tom. "never fear for eyebrow power is here" said the eyebrows storming into the barn. "wow is there anything those eyebrows can't do" said suz walking up. "i guess not" said tom slipping on a fresh pair of mokasons. so with much howling and moaning filbert was subdued and robyns eyebrows were triumphant once again. "well what a day" said jess, wiping matts blood of her top. "yes i guess we see how filbert is" said jeni cautiously strolling into the barn. inside robyns eyebrows and filbert were shooting up and having a fag. both looking rather knackered! "i do apologise jeni, my behaviour was totally out of order" said filbert. "that ok filbert, but i don't understand how your alive let alone a athlete killing maniac" replied jeni. "never mind everybody. lets all get a kebab" said joe waltzing in, like some sort of showbiz queer.
1400 hours, 13,15,2004. kebab shop.
"well everyone, what an eventfull day its been" said ellie, sitting on cracknels knee. "yes but i'm afraid we can't afford to do everything we were going to, at the moment" said joe downing a guiness extra cold. "due to the unforeseen baboon unpleasentness, we can only finance the stud farm, onion i comission you to take comand on this matter" he said thinking hard. "with great vigour i will" replied onion. "well i reckon i can do all the publishing on bidges book, on my pc now" said debbie. "oh i do hope so" said bidge. "that renminds me, on a totally diferant matter" said energy. "hows jules and reena doing with king steve?" "i don't know actually, there the only people not here" said anna, taming a talking lion with nothing but a bread stick and teaching it to play chess aswell! "well i guess we should go see where those fish people got to" said joe getting up. "wow! your getting up, look everyone joes moving!, tell the papers" said ellie smirking. "yes anyway, matt2 why are you wearing le'coste trainers a nike baseball cap, and a thick gold bracelet, while driving a high backed transit van?" asked alion inquireingly. "because i'm essex boy" replied matt simply. "oh well that clears that up then" said alion. "to the fish people!"
dino of death!
1000 hours, 13,05,2004. nozzle barn.
as if by magic hundreds of fish geezers came pouring out of the surounding woods!! "right lets sort these baboons" said mondu, leading the rabble. "so wheres fondu?" shouted arthur over the din of baboons chattering. "i'm afraid he died last year of a gill infection" replied a small butterflyfish, charging through the barn doors! so all the fish people went piling into the barn and began to club the baboons to death!! "joe why are they called fish people, when they are blatently just fish" asked pasty. "well i don't know to be honest paste my friend." replied joe, peering through the window. "well they do hover and breath air" added debbie. "yes but we don't hover debs" said suz holding onto bigmore. "yeah you just stay there sweet mumma" said bigmore, slyly buying heroin off wilko. so what came to be known as the great battle of fish people and baboons went on, and all but the mightiest warriors fell. and lo! the battle ended and the fish people were triumphant. "oh steve you big carp, how can we ever repay you?" asked joe in an important voice. "well jules can make me better, as she promised" replied steve. "why of course i will try" said jules heaving baboons onto a big fire. "good let it begin" said steve.
1325 hours, 13,05,2004. dinosaur storage barn.
so as jules, and reena with her amazing yet sometimes unorthodox surgical know-how began their work on steve the king carp.
jess and jeni went back to the barn to see jeni's dinosaur. "i think i will call him filbert" said jeni staring up at him. "sounds very apt for a dinosaur" jess said agreeingly. "is that a nozzle plant growing out of his eye" said luke walking in mysteriously. "what do you mean luke?" asked jess. "look, up there he has something green growing out of his eyes" said luke again. "what are you doing here anyway?" asked jeni."well i came to get some fish heads for byork actually" said luke, "shes started demanding food, i mean i ask you" "yes luke ok, you just look after poor old byork" said jess. but as jeni and jess began to beat luke playfully with a tube of cheese and chive pringles. filbert slowly began to turn his head, his eyes began glowing bright nozzle green. "er jess....." what luke?" asked jess. "the..the... dinosaur!!" said luke running out the barn door. "oh dear" said jeni shaking. filbert began to pull its arms and legs off its chains! and came crashing towards jess and jeni! "shit were in for it now" said jeni quaking in her stout plimsoles. "what the hell is going on here" said matt. (who was out for a run) "i'm afraid filberts gone quite mad" said jess loading her gun. "i'll say, maybe it likes sultanas" said matt jossling in his bag. "this is no time for novelty snacks man" said jess. "yet get a grip you fool" said jeni smacking him with the back of her hand. but just then filbert leaned down, and snatched matt straight of the floor!! "right theres nothing for it" said jess firing her gun empty. "lets run for it, we have to get joe" so as jeni and jess ran from the barn and matts blood came raining down apon their haeds. tom came bounding down the track. "luke told me what was happening, what the hell did you water it with?" he said panting. "just do something tom" replied jess. "yes help us tom, we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas" agreed jeni. "well i could try using my amazing mokason power" said tom pondering. "yes but we may need something that actually works" said jeni. just then robyns eyebrows came steaming up behind tom. "never fear for eyebrow power is here" said the eyebrows storming into the barn. "wow is there anything those eyebrows can't do" said suz walking up. "i guess not" said tom slipping on a fresh pair of mokasons. so with much howling and moaning filbert was subdued and robyns eyebrows were triumphant once again. "well what a day" said jess, wiping matts blood of her top. "yes i guess we see how filbert is" said jeni cautiously strolling into the barn. inside robyns eyebrows and filbert were shooting up and having a fag. both looking rather knackered! "i do apologise jeni, my behaviour was totally out of order" said filbert. "that ok filbert, but i don't understand how your alive let alone a athlete killing maniac" replied jeni. "never mind everybody. lets all get a kebab" said joe waltzing in, like some sort of showbiz queer.
1400 hours, 13,15,2004. kebab shop.
"well everyone, what an eventfull day its been" said ellie, sitting on cracknels knee. "yes but i'm afraid we can't afford to do everything we were going to, at the moment" said joe downing a guiness extra cold. "due to the unforeseen baboon unpleasentness, we can only finance the stud farm, onion i comission you to take comand on this matter" he said thinking hard. "with great vigour i will" replied onion. "well i reckon i can do all the publishing on bidges book, on my pc now" said debbie. "oh i do hope so" said bidge. "that renminds me, on a totally diferant matter" said energy. "hows jules and reena doing with king steve?" "i don't know actually, there the only people not here" said anna, taming a talking lion with nothing but a bread stick and teaching it to play chess aswell! "well i guess we should go see where those fish people got to" said joe getting up. "wow! your getting up, look everyone joes moving!, tell the papers" said ellie smirking. "yes anyway, matt2 why are you wearing le'coste trainers a nike baseball cap, and a thick gold bracelet, while driving a high backed transit van?" asked alion inquireingly. "because i'm essex boy" replied matt simply. "oh well that clears that up then" said alion. "to the fish people!"
Friday, 1 February 2002
CHAPTER 15 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. POKERS REVIEW
1800 hours, 11,05,2004. mug and nonce
so everyone gathered at the mug and nonce. and julia p fell down the backstage stairs! and broke her wrist. "oh come along julia" said viki exasperated. "viki?" asked julia p, picking herself up. "do i actually have a purpose in this story or does joe just not know how to write good storys?" i think he's just trying to think of one mate" replied viki buying yet another pint of carling, "oh right fair enough" said julia p purchasing a baileys. "right onion" said fatbob quickly scofffing a kebab, "you get your drumkit out of the van, i'll just get the amps, pasty! wheres that lead" "coming coming" replied pasty stuffing "oboe monthly" down his trousers and coming out of the toilet. "onion" said fatbob lighting up, "why are you wearing nothing but a bikini and a serong?" "o i thought you might like it" replied onion winking. "who's the daddy now!!" said fatbob puffing hard. so everyone got set up, alion broke her stool and had to stand for the whole gig! matt was blinding on his guitar, pasty stole the show with his 11 minute acoustic melody, and fatbob just tried to relive the sixties playing hits from the kinks and pink floyd. "ok guys were gonna take a brake now" said pasty after half an hour or so, so everyone went to bar, arthur bought guiness number 9! suzanne had tried every shot and chaser for sale. and fatbob was buying julia p another bicardi. "go on julia have another it is a wednesday" said fatbob flashing his rolls of fiftys. "where do you get so much money bob?" asked matt playing with his goatee. "oh just working very hard" replied fatbob. "you've never worked a day in your life" said luke lighting pound cions inside a pint glass. "when i was a lad i had to get up 4 hours before i went to bed, work all day in the mines for 27 hours, come home, which was a paper bag on the m1 and then my dad would beat me with with a iron bar!" he said. "calm down luke, you know none of that is true" said tom, trying to remember what jess's vodka orange lemon soda pineapple white wine white snake and black spritzer contained. "i'm sorry, i don't know what your talking about tom" said ellie totally confused behind the bar. "so the evening drew to a close and nigh the nazgual flew over the plains of the pellonair, and fell it was a cold night to whence shadowfaw rode bade to high lands beyond the calls of man nore elves....."
"joe please don't take any offense, but why are you talking such complete and utter bollocks?" asked wendy. "sorry just got carried away" answered joe anally. "come on wendy" said emma, "lets go before things turn ugly" and as energy started throwing chairs around, and bidge began to tip ashtrays all over the floor. everyone began to agree. "wells been a good evening everyone" said joe in an important voice. "apart from bidge and energys appauling behaviour, lets go home and playt some games"
0730 hours, 13,05,2004. breakfast room.
"morning joe" said bidge walking down the stairs, "cup of tea?" "thats very kind of you bidge, yes please. you don't often offer me tea nowadays" replied joe reading his "kinky clown 2002 annual" "well sinse i've found my new talent of writng and drawing i don't time to run around making tea" replied bidge sadly brewing away. "yes sad isn't really" "i guess so" added bidge.
"morning bidge" said debbie jumping down the stairs in her penguin pyjamas. "morning debs" replied bidge. "well i hope everyone else gets up soon, i have to announce our profits for the year" said joe eating another slice of toast. "and we have to sort our nozzles out in the barn" said alion running down the stairs. "yes very true ali" answered joe. so when everyone had gathered and had a suitably large breakfast, especially arthur and fatbob. joe stood on the back of a juvenile warthog to make his announcements. "well people, generally there is very good news. we have enough money for bidge to publish her book, and enough for viki and onion to start their stud farm, and carlos has said he knows some very good horse dealers" said joe nearlry falling off his warthog with all the excitement. "well thats brilliant" said bogmore, we can all buy fast cars then" "erm not quite bigmore, we still need a lot of research into the special nozzle" joe reminded everyone.
0945 hours, 13,05,2004. outside main nozzle storage barn.
"well lets have a final count people, then we can devide the nozzles into what we're keeping and what we're going to sell, which with all these projects is going to be most of them i'm afraid" said joe unlocking all the padlocks. "ar what! i need my nozzle splifs man" said jules looking desperate. "i know jules, we all need our splifs" said anna, comfortingly while simultaneously juggling flaming torches, playing the piano, riding a rhino and playing the mouth organ!! "wow that girl gets more interesting every day" commented becca stroking the rhino. "right we're in" said joe swinging wide the doors. "oh my goodness" said reena fainting.
the whole barn was full of mad chattering babboons!! "oh no the've eaten all the nozzles" said jess reduced to tears, "but their so sweet!!" added debbie, look at their little faces!!" "debbie this is no time for squinting" said louise, "we have to kill them all now"
"i agree with louise, but how" said reena recovering somewhat from her fall. "we need some sort of outside help" said alion lighting her pipe. "like the fish kind" "steve!! your here" said jules in amazment. "yes i have come for my nozzle treatment, but it looks like you need more help than me" answered steve a bit out of breath, "this atmosphere is not too good for my lungs" "how do you survive without water steve?" asked louise, opening her notebook. "well we don't need it, where we come from originally" "shoosh" snapped joe, "oops" said steve, everyone looked bewildered. "anyway lets sort these baboons out" said steve. "mondu! bring forth the masses!"
so everyone gathered at the mug and nonce. and julia p fell down the backstage stairs! and broke her wrist. "oh come along julia" said viki exasperated. "viki?" asked julia p, picking herself up. "do i actually have a purpose in this story or does joe just not know how to write good storys?" i think he's just trying to think of one mate" replied viki buying yet another pint of carling, "oh right fair enough" said julia p purchasing a baileys. "right onion" said fatbob quickly scofffing a kebab, "you get your drumkit out of the van, i'll just get the amps, pasty! wheres that lead" "coming coming" replied pasty stuffing "oboe monthly" down his trousers and coming out of the toilet. "onion" said fatbob lighting up, "why are you wearing nothing but a bikini and a serong?" "o i thought you might like it" replied onion winking. "who's the daddy now!!" said fatbob puffing hard. so everyone got set up, alion broke her stool and had to stand for the whole gig! matt was blinding on his guitar, pasty stole the show with his 11 minute acoustic melody, and fatbob just tried to relive the sixties playing hits from the kinks and pink floyd. "ok guys were gonna take a brake now" said pasty after half an hour or so, so everyone went to bar, arthur bought guiness number 9! suzanne had tried every shot and chaser for sale. and fatbob was buying julia p another bicardi. "go on julia have another it is a wednesday" said fatbob flashing his rolls of fiftys. "where do you get so much money bob?" asked matt playing with his goatee. "oh just working very hard" replied fatbob. "you've never worked a day in your life" said luke lighting pound cions inside a pint glass. "when i was a lad i had to get up 4 hours before i went to bed, work all day in the mines for 27 hours, come home, which was a paper bag on the m1 and then my dad would beat me with with a iron bar!" he said. "calm down luke, you know none of that is true" said tom, trying to remember what jess's vodka orange lemon soda pineapple white wine white snake and black spritzer contained. "i'm sorry, i don't know what your talking about tom" said ellie totally confused behind the bar. "so the evening drew to a close and nigh the nazgual flew over the plains of the pellonair, and fell it was a cold night to whence shadowfaw rode bade to high lands beyond the calls of man nore elves....."
"joe please don't take any offense, but why are you talking such complete and utter bollocks?" asked wendy. "sorry just got carried away" answered joe anally. "come on wendy" said emma, "lets go before things turn ugly" and as energy started throwing chairs around, and bidge began to tip ashtrays all over the floor. everyone began to agree. "wells been a good evening everyone" said joe in an important voice. "apart from bidge and energys appauling behaviour, lets go home and playt some games"
0730 hours, 13,05,2004. breakfast room.
"morning joe" said bidge walking down the stairs, "cup of tea?" "thats very kind of you bidge, yes please. you don't often offer me tea nowadays" replied joe reading his "kinky clown 2002 annual" "well sinse i've found my new talent of writng and drawing i don't time to run around making tea" replied bidge sadly brewing away. "yes sad isn't really" "i guess so" added bidge.
"morning bidge" said debbie jumping down the stairs in her penguin pyjamas. "morning debs" replied bidge. "well i hope everyone else gets up soon, i have to announce our profits for the year" said joe eating another slice of toast. "and we have to sort our nozzles out in the barn" said alion running down the stairs. "yes very true ali" answered joe. so when everyone had gathered and had a suitably large breakfast, especially arthur and fatbob. joe stood on the back of a juvenile warthog to make his announcements. "well people, generally there is very good news. we have enough money for bidge to publish her book, and enough for viki and onion to start their stud farm, and carlos has said he knows some very good horse dealers" said joe nearlry falling off his warthog with all the excitement. "well thats brilliant" said bogmore, we can all buy fast cars then" "erm not quite bigmore, we still need a lot of research into the special nozzle" joe reminded everyone.
0945 hours, 13,05,2004. outside main nozzle storage barn.
"well lets have a final count people, then we can devide the nozzles into what we're keeping and what we're going to sell, which with all these projects is going to be most of them i'm afraid" said joe unlocking all the padlocks. "ar what! i need my nozzle splifs man" said jules looking desperate. "i know jules, we all need our splifs" said anna, comfortingly while simultaneously juggling flaming torches, playing the piano, riding a rhino and playing the mouth organ!! "wow that girl gets more interesting every day" commented becca stroking the rhino. "right we're in" said joe swinging wide the doors. "oh my goodness" said reena fainting.
the whole barn was full of mad chattering babboons!! "oh no the've eaten all the nozzles" said jess reduced to tears, "but their so sweet!!" added debbie, look at their little faces!!" "debbie this is no time for squinting" said louise, "we have to kill them all now"
"i agree with louise, but how" said reena recovering somewhat from her fall. "we need some sort of outside help" said alion lighting her pipe. "like the fish kind" "steve!! your here" said jules in amazment. "yes i have come for my nozzle treatment, but it looks like you need more help than me" answered steve a bit out of breath, "this atmosphere is not too good for my lungs" "how do you survive without water steve?" asked louise, opening her notebook. "well we don't need it, where we come from originally" "shoosh" snapped joe, "oops" said steve, everyone looked bewildered. "anyway lets sort these baboons out" said steve. "mondu! bring forth the masses!"
Tuesday, 29 January 2002
CHAPTER 14 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. JAMES CRACKNEL AND THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE
1515 hours, 08,05,2004. under the ledge.
so arthur picked up a six foot piece of driftwood lodged under the ledge, and preceded to thump and wack the obstruction.
just then something fell of the obstruction and came crashing into the water! and then another! and then another! "you nonce arhur" shouted jules as came to the surface. "you've just killed three of members of the british boat race team" "oh damn, how was i supposed to know" replied arthur surfacing. "anyway lets get out of here" said jules pulling herself onto the bank. "look theres someone else on the boat" said arthur also scrambling ashore. "oh you nonce arthur, i do hope he's ok" said jules taking a look. "well i never its james cracknel" she said astonished. just then ellie came strolling down the path, "hiya" she said. "i was just taking a brisk walk, blimey!! its james cracknel, what the hell is he doing here? and in a unconcious state aswell by the looks of things" she said taking a "closer" look. "i'm afraid i smashed him in the face with a piece of wood" apologised arthur lighting a splif. "oh well never mind" said ellie throwing mr cracknel over her shoulder. "i'm sure i can sort him out" so off wandered ellie back to the house. "well i think we better tell joe all about this, and about steve coming" said jules. "yes i agree" said arthur drying his hair.
1600 hours, 08,05,2004. farmhouse.
joe was sitting in the lounge caressing "that" clown, and working out his accounts, when arthur and jules came running in!
"hey joe, we went to see steve and everyone, but steves not well" said jules. "yes and he's coming here, and jules reckons we can make him better with your special nozzle" added arthur. "and what else happened this afternoon arthur?" asked jules looking angry. "oh yeah and i killed a few ppl with a big piece of wood" said arthur quitely, and walking offf. "you did what!?" said joe throwing the clown off his lap. "well we couldn't get out from under the ledge, and we couldn't hold our breaths much longer, so i smaked the thing a few times with a big piece of wood.... well how was i supposed to know it was the olympic rowing team!!" he said indignant. "i agree with arthur" said onion walking in."how was he supposed to know" "ok ok, so was there any survivers?" asked joe in an important voice. "yes" said james cracknel limping through the french doors. "hi i'm james cracknel" he said.
"yes i saved him" said ellie following him into the lounge, "that nozzle gin is brilliant for cuts and bruises" and it tastes good too" added cracknel. so everyone was introduced to cracknel and there were many a joke cracked, and many a fell story told and lo the evening drew nigh to an end. when suddenly jules leaped up from the table. "thats it arthur, i'm sorry but i can't go out with murderer" "ok fine, but its only been five" said arthur, not quite sure what all the fuss was about. "five" said bidge. "i thought there was three" "oh yeah three thats right" said arthur shutting up quickly.
1400 hours, 10,05,2004. jeni's dinosaur barn.
so the days went by, cracknel told all his storys about boat racing, ellie tended to all his cuts and bruises. and more nozzle gin was applied. it happpened that the boat race team were training for the olympics in zambia, because the britsih board of sport funding were very tight arsed and it was cheap to stay in zambia. anyway jeni and jess were moistening jeni's dinosaur. "this dinosaur is so cool" said jess spraying with a hoze. "it is rather wicked isn't it" said jeni. "if only it was alive like terrence was, i miss terrence" said jeni wiping away a tear. "oh well he may visit us again one day" said jess "but then again i think he was killed by the aliens" said jess feeling awkward. "sorry i guess that doesn't help" she said looking at the skeleton a bit closer. "but you know jeni, theres something rather sinister about this dinosaur" "mm maybe" said jeni moistening vigerously. "its almost as if its SELF AWARE" said luke harrowingly. "where'd you come from luke" said jeni. "you nearly scared me half to death creeping up on us like that" "sorry" said luke blending into the backround. "i do worry about that man" said jess.
1500 hours, 11,05,2004. farmhouse.
so came the day of the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers debut gig. and everyone was very excited. even dan was sort of looking forward to it! "well fatbob when can we start, and how long can we play for?" asked alion. "yes i want to play my new 11 minute acoustic melody" added pasty flicking through a "finest oboe's" order catologue. "whats that your reading pasty?" asked suzanne (who was featuring in one of their songs) "oh just a book on jimi hendrix" replied pasty cautiously. "fair enough" she said. " i'm quite looking forward playing my violin" "yes i'm sure you'll do spiffingly" said robyn warming up her eyebrows for fatbob. "well" said joe. "that the last of the gear. lets go"
so arthur picked up a six foot piece of driftwood lodged under the ledge, and preceded to thump and wack the obstruction.
just then something fell of the obstruction and came crashing into the water! and then another! and then another! "you nonce arhur" shouted jules as came to the surface. "you've just killed three of members of the british boat race team" "oh damn, how was i supposed to know" replied arthur surfacing. "anyway lets get out of here" said jules pulling herself onto the bank. "look theres someone else on the boat" said arthur also scrambling ashore. "oh you nonce arthur, i do hope he's ok" said jules taking a look. "well i never its james cracknel" she said astonished. just then ellie came strolling down the path, "hiya" she said. "i was just taking a brisk walk, blimey!! its james cracknel, what the hell is he doing here? and in a unconcious state aswell by the looks of things" she said taking a "closer" look. "i'm afraid i smashed him in the face with a piece of wood" apologised arthur lighting a splif. "oh well never mind" said ellie throwing mr cracknel over her shoulder. "i'm sure i can sort him out" so off wandered ellie back to the house. "well i think we better tell joe all about this, and about steve coming" said jules. "yes i agree" said arthur drying his hair.
1600 hours, 08,05,2004. farmhouse.
joe was sitting in the lounge caressing "that" clown, and working out his accounts, when arthur and jules came running in!
"hey joe, we went to see steve and everyone, but steves not well" said jules. "yes and he's coming here, and jules reckons we can make him better with your special nozzle" added arthur. "and what else happened this afternoon arthur?" asked jules looking angry. "oh yeah and i killed a few ppl with a big piece of wood" said arthur quitely, and walking offf. "you did what!?" said joe throwing the clown off his lap. "well we couldn't get out from under the ledge, and we couldn't hold our breaths much longer, so i smaked the thing a few times with a big piece of wood.... well how was i supposed to know it was the olympic rowing team!!" he said indignant. "i agree with arthur" said onion walking in."how was he supposed to know" "ok ok, so was there any survivers?" asked joe in an important voice. "yes" said james cracknel limping through the french doors. "hi i'm james cracknel" he said.
"yes i saved him" said ellie following him into the lounge, "that nozzle gin is brilliant for cuts and bruises" and it tastes good too" added cracknel. so everyone was introduced to cracknel and there were many a joke cracked, and many a fell story told and lo the evening drew nigh to an end. when suddenly jules leaped up from the table. "thats it arthur, i'm sorry but i can't go out with murderer" "ok fine, but its only been five" said arthur, not quite sure what all the fuss was about. "five" said bidge. "i thought there was three" "oh yeah three thats right" said arthur shutting up quickly.
1400 hours, 10,05,2004. jeni's dinosaur barn.
so the days went by, cracknel told all his storys about boat racing, ellie tended to all his cuts and bruises. and more nozzle gin was applied. it happpened that the boat race team were training for the olympics in zambia, because the britsih board of sport funding were very tight arsed and it was cheap to stay in zambia. anyway jeni and jess were moistening jeni's dinosaur. "this dinosaur is so cool" said jess spraying with a hoze. "it is rather wicked isn't it" said jeni. "if only it was alive like terrence was, i miss terrence" said jeni wiping away a tear. "oh well he may visit us again one day" said jess "but then again i think he was killed by the aliens" said jess feeling awkward. "sorry i guess that doesn't help" she said looking at the skeleton a bit closer. "but you know jeni, theres something rather sinister about this dinosaur" "mm maybe" said jeni moistening vigerously. "its almost as if its SELF AWARE" said luke harrowingly. "where'd you come from luke" said jeni. "you nearly scared me half to death creeping up on us like that" "sorry" said luke blending into the backround. "i do worry about that man" said jess.
1500 hours, 11,05,2004. farmhouse.
so came the day of the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers debut gig. and everyone was very excited. even dan was sort of looking forward to it! "well fatbob when can we start, and how long can we play for?" asked alion. "yes i want to play my new 11 minute acoustic melody" added pasty flicking through a "finest oboe's" order catologue. "whats that your reading pasty?" asked suzanne (who was featuring in one of their songs) "oh just a book on jimi hendrix" replied pasty cautiously. "fair enough" she said. " i'm quite looking forward playing my violin" "yes i'm sure you'll do spiffingly" said robyn warming up her eyebrows for fatbob. "well" said joe. "that the last of the gear. lets go"
Sunday, 13 January 2002
CHAPTER 13 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. PLANT OF MAGIC
0900 hours, 06,05,2004. farm lab.
"well i don't think i've ever seen anything like it in my life" said alion baffled. "no me too ali, i think we should disect one and see what comes up there" said robyn pondering herself. "yes i agree"said louise taking a skalpel. "right here go's" she said slicing at a nozzle stem. "now why won't that cut?" wandered louise. "are you sure you have a sharp knife?" asked alion. "yes its brand new" replied louise. "i'll try another one" decided robyn. but to no avail could any of them cut open any nozzles nor any stems.
"i think we should get joe in here" suggested alion lighting up with all the stress. so robyn went off to get joe and brought him straight back. "well i never" he said as he heard all their stories. "and this is the most amazing thing" said louise holding a huge nozzle about 5"s long and glowing bright. "well these must be some sort of magical seeds." he said wandering.
"i wander what all this is about" said debbie walking in, and putting her computer bag down on the side by the nozzles.
"hows the computing going debs?" asked robyn. "not bad i reackon i can get a pc that can practically do anything, within a few months anyway" she said. "i'm waiting for my next instalment of my course now anyway" "well we're going to carry on with some tests" said louise. "righteo" said joe. "yup we'll leave you to it" agreed debs trotting off down the path.
1330 hours, 06,05,2004. eating hall.
in the eating hall everyone was having lunch, when the doorbell rang loudly. "i'll get it" said jess strolling up to the door.
"hello and who may you be?" jess asked a strange man. "hi, is babe there? i miss ya babe. your big and your good and your a woman and i love you, its wednesday babe come home." "ok, bidge i think your husband wants a word" said jess quite disturbed by it all. "oh not again" said bidge sighing and coming to the door rather reluctantly. "hello barry what do you want now?" she asked impatiently. "i miss ya babe, i keep ringing but you never answer. why not babe your good and your a woman and your big and your good" "barry you went off with a camel when we'd been married 3 months. what do you expect?" bidge asked.
"but babe your good and your big and your a woman! and i miss ya babe" answered barry. "well seeya" said bidge closing the door. "what is it with that guy?" asked louise. "well some people are just anally challenged" replied bidge. "tea anyone?"
1430 hours, 08,05,2004. the mug and nonce.
"well i think its time me and arthur went to see those lovely fish people again" said jules pulling on a wetsuit. "good idea jules, i will be interested to hear your findings, and remember to ask after fondu" said joe playing with a clown and guzzling a beer all at once!
"joe! stop chatting up that clown" said debbie in disgust. "well sorry!! i'll just go and hug and kiss a poisoness snake an evil piosoness snake!!" "ok joe, breath in deep" said tom comfortingly. so when jules and arthur had rather too many beers to be scuba diving. off they went to see how steve the carp was. "well here go's" said arthur throwing himself in. so under the ledge they swam for about 200 yards (yes i work in imperial got a problem with that?) so out of the waterfall the other end they came. "well to the gates my anal friend" said jules grabbing art by the beard! "oy watch me rats bitch" said arthur. "evening fellow, may we come in?" asked jules. "why of course. give my regards to mondu if you see him" said fellow winding the gold ring.
"hey theres someone new" said arthur walking towards a very colourfull fish. "hello i'm arthur and this is my best friend jules" said arthur courteously. "best friend, i thought we were going out?" asked jules. "oh yeah ok" replied arthur. "anyway who are you good fish?" "hi my name is quindo. i'm a dash and dot goatfish" "very nice to meet you" said jules. "well shall i show you to steve he's not very well" said quindo. "oh right we beta then" said jules looking worried.
1515 hours, 08,05,2004. steves palace.
"greeting steve i hear you are not well?" asked arthur stepping forward. "ar great bearded one i pretail you are well?" asked steve coughing loudly. "i fear i may not live much longer" said steve, looking not very well atal. "what can we do to help?" asked arthur very concerned. "well i need something new and state of the art, or i'm a gonna" he replied. "i have an idea, said jules thinking hard. "we have a magical nozzle plant, that we know very little about but it may just be able to heal you, you never no" "well i'm willing to try anything" said steve. "when can you bring it?" he asked. "oh we can't bring it here, it wouldn't survive the trip through the water" said jules ernestly. "well i guess i will have to come to your land after all" sighed steve. "i'm rather scared but hey" he added. so arthur and jules bade their farewell. and went off through the gates of the garden and back into the waterfall.
but as they came up the other side with just enough air to get back, jules found something was blocking the way.
"don't worry" signalled arthur. i've got an idea"
"well i don't think i've ever seen anything like it in my life" said alion baffled. "no me too ali, i think we should disect one and see what comes up there" said robyn pondering herself. "yes i agree"said louise taking a skalpel. "right here go's" she said slicing at a nozzle stem. "now why won't that cut?" wandered louise. "are you sure you have a sharp knife?" asked alion. "yes its brand new" replied louise. "i'll try another one" decided robyn. but to no avail could any of them cut open any nozzles nor any stems.
"i think we should get joe in here" suggested alion lighting up with all the stress. so robyn went off to get joe and brought him straight back. "well i never" he said as he heard all their stories. "and this is the most amazing thing" said louise holding a huge nozzle about 5"s long and glowing bright. "well these must be some sort of magical seeds." he said wandering.
"i wander what all this is about" said debbie walking in, and putting her computer bag down on the side by the nozzles.
"hows the computing going debs?" asked robyn. "not bad i reackon i can get a pc that can practically do anything, within a few months anyway" she said. "i'm waiting for my next instalment of my course now anyway" "well we're going to carry on with some tests" said louise. "righteo" said joe. "yup we'll leave you to it" agreed debs trotting off down the path.
1330 hours, 06,05,2004. eating hall.
in the eating hall everyone was having lunch, when the doorbell rang loudly. "i'll get it" said jess strolling up to the door.
"hello and who may you be?" jess asked a strange man. "hi, is babe there? i miss ya babe. your big and your good and your a woman and i love you, its wednesday babe come home." "ok, bidge i think your husband wants a word" said jess quite disturbed by it all. "oh not again" said bidge sighing and coming to the door rather reluctantly. "hello barry what do you want now?" she asked impatiently. "i miss ya babe, i keep ringing but you never answer. why not babe your good and your a woman and your big and your good" "barry you went off with a camel when we'd been married 3 months. what do you expect?" bidge asked.
"but babe your good and your big and your a woman! and i miss ya babe" answered barry. "well seeya" said bidge closing the door. "what is it with that guy?" asked louise. "well some people are just anally challenged" replied bidge. "tea anyone?"
1430 hours, 08,05,2004. the mug and nonce.
"well i think its time me and arthur went to see those lovely fish people again" said jules pulling on a wetsuit. "good idea jules, i will be interested to hear your findings, and remember to ask after fondu" said joe playing with a clown and guzzling a beer all at once!
"joe! stop chatting up that clown" said debbie in disgust. "well sorry!! i'll just go and hug and kiss a poisoness snake an evil piosoness snake!!" "ok joe, breath in deep" said tom comfortingly. so when jules and arthur had rather too many beers to be scuba diving. off they went to see how steve the carp was. "well here go's" said arthur throwing himself in. so under the ledge they swam for about 200 yards (yes i work in imperial got a problem with that?) so out of the waterfall the other end they came. "well to the gates my anal friend" said jules grabbing art by the beard! "oy watch me rats bitch" said arthur. "evening fellow, may we come in?" asked jules. "why of course. give my regards to mondu if you see him" said fellow winding the gold ring.
"hey theres someone new" said arthur walking towards a very colourfull fish. "hello i'm arthur and this is my best friend jules" said arthur courteously. "best friend, i thought we were going out?" asked jules. "oh yeah ok" replied arthur. "anyway who are you good fish?" "hi my name is quindo. i'm a dash and dot goatfish" "very nice to meet you" said jules. "well shall i show you to steve he's not very well" said quindo. "oh right we beta then" said jules looking worried.
1515 hours, 08,05,2004. steves palace.
"greeting steve i hear you are not well?" asked arthur stepping forward. "ar great bearded one i pretail you are well?" asked steve coughing loudly. "i fear i may not live much longer" said steve, looking not very well atal. "what can we do to help?" asked arthur very concerned. "well i need something new and state of the art, or i'm a gonna" he replied. "i have an idea, said jules thinking hard. "we have a magical nozzle plant, that we know very little about but it may just be able to heal you, you never no" "well i'm willing to try anything" said steve. "when can you bring it?" he asked. "oh we can't bring it here, it wouldn't survive the trip through the water" said jules ernestly. "well i guess i will have to come to your land after all" sighed steve. "i'm rather scared but hey" he added. so arthur and jules bade their farewell. and went off through the gates of the garden and back into the waterfall.
but as they came up the other side with just enough air to get back, jules found something was blocking the way.
"don't worry" signalled arthur. i've got an idea"
Saturday, 12 January 2002
CHAPTER 12 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. THE DEPARTURE OF THE NICKS
0880 hours, 02,05,2004. breakfast room.
"well i'm afraid todays the day we leave" said mini nick while everyone was having breakfast. "oh what, no fair" said catharine.
"yes well those monkey brains won't get better on their own" said nick sniggering. "oh yes i forgot about that, its awful i do hope you get better" said catherine totally taken in."anyway" interupted joe in an important voice. today we will take another visit the fish people" "yes good idea" said jess practising darts in the corner. so everyone helped nick and mini nick to pack. on their sloths they climbed. "i don't remember you having those when you arrived" said sophie pondering. "well we first met you in the pub, we'd already put our sloths in the stable by then" replied nick, loading his rifle onto his sloth. "well adios" said mini nick charging off.
"yes its been a pleasure" said nick, maybe our paths will cross again" and that was that. "hope you have success with your brains" shouted catherine very concerned. and into the distance they went, over the brow of a hill and they were gone.
"well" said fatbob. "i don't know about you lot, but i'm having a kebab"
1400 hours, 02,05,2004. main interaction chamber (living room).
"yipee" yelped debbie. "whats that debs?" asked james slyly reading his "master the oboe" book. "my next computer course book has come through, its time i got really sorted with all this pc crap" "sounds cool" said anna, riding a unicycle, playing the piano and swallowing swords!!! "yeah and i've nearly finished my nozzle oils book, i hope we make enough profit to have it published" said bidge. "well at least we can spell check it all and publish on my pc if i can do this course" replied debbie, reading prefusly.
meanwhile pasty, fatbob, onion and alion were practising for their band. "well at least we can use the mug and nonce for our first performance" said pasty strumming away. "yes well i'll only charge a small fee" said fatbob. "you really should let us play for free bob, its your band aswell" said alion. "yes but its complicated, its the guvner what he says go's catch my drift?" said fatbob.
just then matt2 walked in, ar your in a band are you" he asked. "yeah you play then?" asked alion. "yes i play the guitar, rethym
or lead" he replied. "cool you wanna join us?" asked onion. "yeah why not" shrugged matt2. "i guess i won't ever see my other band members so why not" "but we need a band name" said onion worriedly. "well why not the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" suggested fatbob. "sounds good to me" said pasty."right matt you'll play second lead"
so byork helped them all to promote their new album and single, the album named "indigestable biscuits and the way we are"
"excuse me" said byork one day. "what byork?" asked luke, "if that is your real name" "when can i go home?"
"naughty byork, in your bed on your rug" said energy drawing her whip. "hey thats my whip" said debbie engulfed in computer manuals.
1730 hours, 05,05,2004. main crop field.
so finally the big day came when the crop could be harvested. "well people this is it" said joe. "viki you and matt get the highland cattle to pull the carts. hope their in good order?" he asked looking at louise. "oh trust me their in peak condition" she replied.
so everyone sorted themselves into two groups. pickers and packers. while bidge picked the cream of the crop for her oils.
and ellie gathered some for her latest inervation, nozzle gin! "remember people look out for the special seeds i planted, they were somewhere in the northeast corner" said joe in an important voice. so after a few hours when nearly half the nozles had been picked. a cry came out from the northeast corner. "hey joe, i think i found your seeds!" shouted sophie and catherine both at once.
"right lets have a look" said joe running over, "oh dear" said fatbob huffing anf puffing behind him. "i could of played for QPR suz" he said coughing flem left right and center. "right what have we here?" asked joe in an important voice.
"right there in the corner near the oak trees, was a marvelous nozzle plant glowing like the moon silver drops of lightmost magical.
"wow" said ellie running up, "imagaine the gin i could make with that" "hang people" said tom, "this needs to be thought about, right joe?" "quite right tom my good man." said joe itching his beard. (which after 3 months was now nearly an inch long!)
"well lets get some of these nozzles picked and to the lab"
"well i'm afraid todays the day we leave" said mini nick while everyone was having breakfast. "oh what, no fair" said catharine.
"yes well those monkey brains won't get better on their own" said nick sniggering. "oh yes i forgot about that, its awful i do hope you get better" said catherine totally taken in."anyway" interupted joe in an important voice. today we will take another visit the fish people" "yes good idea" said jess practising darts in the corner. so everyone helped nick and mini nick to pack. on their sloths they climbed. "i don't remember you having those when you arrived" said sophie pondering. "well we first met you in the pub, we'd already put our sloths in the stable by then" replied nick, loading his rifle onto his sloth. "well adios" said mini nick charging off.
"yes its been a pleasure" said nick, maybe our paths will cross again" and that was that. "hope you have success with your brains" shouted catherine very concerned. and into the distance they went, over the brow of a hill and they were gone.
"well" said fatbob. "i don't know about you lot, but i'm having a kebab"
1400 hours, 02,05,2004. main interaction chamber (living room).
"yipee" yelped debbie. "whats that debs?" asked james slyly reading his "master the oboe" book. "my next computer course book has come through, its time i got really sorted with all this pc crap" "sounds cool" said anna, riding a unicycle, playing the piano and swallowing swords!!! "yeah and i've nearly finished my nozzle oils book, i hope we make enough profit to have it published" said bidge. "well at least we can spell check it all and publish on my pc if i can do this course" replied debbie, reading prefusly.
meanwhile pasty, fatbob, onion and alion were practising for their band. "well at least we can use the mug and nonce for our first performance" said pasty strumming away. "yes well i'll only charge a small fee" said fatbob. "you really should let us play for free bob, its your band aswell" said alion. "yes but its complicated, its the guvner what he says go's catch my drift?" said fatbob.
just then matt2 walked in, ar your in a band are you" he asked. "yeah you play then?" asked alion. "yes i play the guitar, rethym
or lead" he replied. "cool you wanna join us?" asked onion. "yeah why not" shrugged matt2. "i guess i won't ever see my other band members so why not" "but we need a band name" said onion worriedly. "well why not the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" suggested fatbob. "sounds good to me" said pasty."right matt you'll play second lead"
so byork helped them all to promote their new album and single, the album named "indigestable biscuits and the way we are"
"excuse me" said byork one day. "what byork?" asked luke, "if that is your real name" "when can i go home?"
"naughty byork, in your bed on your rug" said energy drawing her whip. "hey thats my whip" said debbie engulfed in computer manuals.
1730 hours, 05,05,2004. main crop field.
so finally the big day came when the crop could be harvested. "well people this is it" said joe. "viki you and matt get the highland cattle to pull the carts. hope their in good order?" he asked looking at louise. "oh trust me their in peak condition" she replied.
so everyone sorted themselves into two groups. pickers and packers. while bidge picked the cream of the crop for her oils.
and ellie gathered some for her latest inervation, nozzle gin! "remember people look out for the special seeds i planted, they were somewhere in the northeast corner" said joe in an important voice. so after a few hours when nearly half the nozles had been picked. a cry came out from the northeast corner. "hey joe, i think i found your seeds!" shouted sophie and catherine both at once.
"right lets have a look" said joe running over, "oh dear" said fatbob huffing anf puffing behind him. "i could of played for QPR suz" he said coughing flem left right and center. "right what have we here?" asked joe in an important voice.
"right there in the corner near the oak trees, was a marvelous nozzle plant glowing like the moon silver drops of lightmost magical.
"wow" said ellie running up, "imagaine the gin i could make with that" "hang people" said tom, "this needs to be thought about, right joe?" "quite right tom my good man." said joe itching his beard. (which after 3 months was now nearly an inch long!)
"well lets get some of these nozzles picked and to the lab"
Friday, 11 January 2002
CHAPTER 11 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. A STRANGE FINDING
1400 hours, 25,04,2004. alions room.
"i was riding home from my band practice, i've got a band with a few mates called eastern walking boots. when all of a sudden there was a huge rush of air all around me, i couldn't see anything, but then a bright light, brighter than anything i've ever seen,
shone out of, well i don't know where really, it was just everywhere. and then i felt a huge thud on my back". matt paused, seemingly thinking hard. "well that was last month, some time on a tuesday evening i think, in hoddesdon. anyway then i woke up at some point and then all i remember was being wrapped up in clingfilm and having those nasty nipple clamps put on me, and being handed this" matt preduced a small glowing ball about tthe size of a golf ball from his pocket. "what is is?" asked suz.
"i don't no some voice somewhere said it was for a leader" replied matt, as puzzled as everyone else.
"well i think he must be talking about me" said nick stepping forward. "i think he was talking about joe, nick" said debbie.
"yes i think so" said joe scratching his arse. "what to do what to do" he said pondering. "well i think we should, cain!!!! it!" said dan wisely. "i agree totally" said bigmore. "well i think we should all go down the pub" said louise eager to get some sponsership for her own convent!
0100 hours, 26,04,2004. joes and debbies room.
so when everyone had been to the pub and played the quiz and fatbob had charged £8.50 per game of pool. everyone had decided to go home and get some sleep. except fatbob, who stayed up watching latvian premiership football till 3 in the morning.
"well i better have a look at this" said joe to himself while getting ready for bed. he got the little glowing ball out of the drawer by his bed. it had little tiny symbols all round what appeared to be a seam of some kind. "lets have a look" said debs jumping out of bed.
"ar its malagasey i think" she said taking a closer look. "yes it says, "the seeds of wrath, and many growths"
just then, the ball split right open revealing a small amount of what appeared to be nozzle seeds.
"well i'll be" said susie climbing out form under the bed. "what are you doing under there?" asked joe dumbfounded.
"i was looking for erm, beetles!" "susie! don't spy on us, especially joe when hes doing leadership type stuff" said debbie,
quite cross. "but the cute little beetles!! aarr their sooo sweet" she added squinting hard. "yes debbie dear".
said joe, patting her hard. "anyway lets get to sleep"
1000 hours , 01,05,2004. the river zambia.
emily was taking a walk with carlos one morning. joe had decided in the end to plant the seeds and wait to see what would happen. so as emily strolled by the river hand in hand with carlos. emily suddenly stopped, to look at something.
"what is it em?" asked carlos. "look, down there a another ledge just like the one we saw back in tollyhot".
"well i never" said carlos taking a closer look. "i think we should go tell joe" he said heading back. joe was sitting by the fire, working out when exactly he reckoned the harvest would be ready. when emily came bounding through the door!
"joe i think we found some more of those fish people!" she said all flustered. "really, you sure?" he asked.
"well its a ledge just like the other one, back in tollyhot" emily replied. "well lets go have a look shall we" said joe pulling his boots on. so everyone headed over to the river. when they got there, there was a big whirlpool brewing just by the ledge.
"wow just like the one we fell down arthur" said jules. "yeah come on" said arthur throwing himself in.
1100 hours, 01,05,2004. the field of marrows.
"well i never" said jeni quite excited about it all. and so there it was, just like before miles and miles of marrows! and swimming towards them a fish. "oh i do hope its fondu" said debbie. "he was soo cute" as the fish came up to them he stopped and said,
"hello, i am mondu son of fondu, friend and servant of steve the king carp" "you speak english?" said arthur stepping forward.
"arrr the bearded one has returned" said mondu bowing before arthur. "oh well thanks, come on take us to steve then, this is all veey interesting" said arthur. so to the gates of fishland they went, the gates of slounot. "oh look their's fellow"
said pasty. "so it is" said bidge in amazement. "greetings bearded monkey man, you may enter" said fellow, nodding after each of the gang walked through. in side there was th elovely gardens again in all their beauty. so they all met steve again and had much maroow juice then it was time for some serious questions. "so how come your here?" asked joe baffled. "well after your farm was destroyed and the police and FBI turned up, everythoing started to go wrong, the water got poluted by some sort of chemicals from the spaceship then the whole thing dryed up when no-one was allowed on the site. so we figured we'd migrate, but we never thought we'd see you lot again" finished steve at last. "so how did you get here?" asked alion, clinging to matt in a sort of annoying way! "well we got the 712 bus from chorley wood" replied mondu. "fair enough" said anna, riding a unicycle and playing the piano at the same time. so after much reminising, everyone decided to come again soon and they would talk properly about forming an alliance of some.
1700 hours, 01,05,2004. mug and nonce.
"well i think everything has gone well today" said wendy. "yes i look forward to more meetings with those lovely fish people again"
agreed emma. "yes but for now we must concentrate on the crop" said joe not letting anyone get carried away. "our harvest will be ready in 3 days!!!"
"i was riding home from my band practice, i've got a band with a few mates called eastern walking boots. when all of a sudden there was a huge rush of air all around me, i couldn't see anything, but then a bright light, brighter than anything i've ever seen,
shone out of, well i don't know where really, it was just everywhere. and then i felt a huge thud on my back". matt paused, seemingly thinking hard. "well that was last month, some time on a tuesday evening i think, in hoddesdon. anyway then i woke up at some point and then all i remember was being wrapped up in clingfilm and having those nasty nipple clamps put on me, and being handed this" matt preduced a small glowing ball about tthe size of a golf ball from his pocket. "what is is?" asked suz.
"i don't no some voice somewhere said it was for a leader" replied matt, as puzzled as everyone else.
"well i think he must be talking about me" said nick stepping forward. "i think he was talking about joe, nick" said debbie.
"yes i think so" said joe scratching his arse. "what to do what to do" he said pondering. "well i think we should, cain!!!! it!" said dan wisely. "i agree totally" said bigmore. "well i think we should all go down the pub" said louise eager to get some sponsership for her own convent!
0100 hours, 26,04,2004. joes and debbies room.
so when everyone had been to the pub and played the quiz and fatbob had charged £8.50 per game of pool. everyone had decided to go home and get some sleep. except fatbob, who stayed up watching latvian premiership football till 3 in the morning.
"well i better have a look at this" said joe to himself while getting ready for bed. he got the little glowing ball out of the drawer by his bed. it had little tiny symbols all round what appeared to be a seam of some kind. "lets have a look" said debs jumping out of bed.
"ar its malagasey i think" she said taking a closer look. "yes it says, "the seeds of wrath, and many growths"
just then, the ball split right open revealing a small amount of what appeared to be nozzle seeds.
"well i'll be" said susie climbing out form under the bed. "what are you doing under there?" asked joe dumbfounded.
"i was looking for erm, beetles!" "susie! don't spy on us, especially joe when hes doing leadership type stuff" said debbie,
quite cross. "but the cute little beetles!! aarr their sooo sweet" she added squinting hard. "yes debbie dear".
said joe, patting her hard. "anyway lets get to sleep"
1000 hours , 01,05,2004. the river zambia.
emily was taking a walk with carlos one morning. joe had decided in the end to plant the seeds and wait to see what would happen. so as emily strolled by the river hand in hand with carlos. emily suddenly stopped, to look at something.
"what is it em?" asked carlos. "look, down there a another ledge just like the one we saw back in tollyhot".
"well i never" said carlos taking a closer look. "i think we should go tell joe" he said heading back. joe was sitting by the fire, working out when exactly he reckoned the harvest would be ready. when emily came bounding through the door!
"joe i think we found some more of those fish people!" she said all flustered. "really, you sure?" he asked.
"well its a ledge just like the other one, back in tollyhot" emily replied. "well lets go have a look shall we" said joe pulling his boots on. so everyone headed over to the river. when they got there, there was a big whirlpool brewing just by the ledge.
"wow just like the one we fell down arthur" said jules. "yeah come on" said arthur throwing himself in.
1100 hours, 01,05,2004. the field of marrows.
"well i never" said jeni quite excited about it all. and so there it was, just like before miles and miles of marrows! and swimming towards them a fish. "oh i do hope its fondu" said debbie. "he was soo cute" as the fish came up to them he stopped and said,
"hello, i am mondu son of fondu, friend and servant of steve the king carp" "you speak english?" said arthur stepping forward.
"arrr the bearded one has returned" said mondu bowing before arthur. "oh well thanks, come on take us to steve then, this is all veey interesting" said arthur. so to the gates of fishland they went, the gates of slounot. "oh look their's fellow"
said pasty. "so it is" said bidge in amazement. "greetings bearded monkey man, you may enter" said fellow, nodding after each of the gang walked through. in side there was th elovely gardens again in all their beauty. so they all met steve again and had much maroow juice then it was time for some serious questions. "so how come your here?" asked joe baffled. "well after your farm was destroyed and the police and FBI turned up, everythoing started to go wrong, the water got poluted by some sort of chemicals from the spaceship then the whole thing dryed up when no-one was allowed on the site. so we figured we'd migrate, but we never thought we'd see you lot again" finished steve at last. "so how did you get here?" asked alion, clinging to matt in a sort of annoying way! "well we got the 712 bus from chorley wood" replied mondu. "fair enough" said anna, riding a unicycle and playing the piano at the same time. so after much reminising, everyone decided to come again soon and they would talk properly about forming an alliance of some.
1700 hours, 01,05,2004. mug and nonce.
"well i think everything has gone well today" said wendy. "yes i look forward to more meetings with those lovely fish people again"
agreed emma. "yes but for now we must concentrate on the crop" said joe not letting anyone get carried away. "our harvest will be ready in 3 days!!!"
Thursday, 10 January 2002
CHAPTER 10 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. FONDU'S REQUEST
0800 hours, 25,04, 2004 faro airport, portugal.
"well its been a marvelous holiday" said emily smiling, "it was very nice to see all of carlos relatives" "yes it was very hospitable of your father carlos, we thank him greatly" said joe analy. "yes i think we should all thank jess for all her work in organinsing this holiday!" said emma. "yes to jess! my wonderful girl" said tom proudly. "right people come on or we'll be late for the flight"
said joe. "yes its been a great outing for us all" said fatbob, and bringing byork back as a mascot was a bit of luck"
"yes" agreed pasty. "that will be great for our careers" so as everyone was piling into the departure lounge, suddenly out of the crowds
appeared a strange and mysterious man. eyes hooded, a farrowed brow, his nose defiant. cloaked in black. strode up to alion.
he looked into her eyes and said. "i think you'll find something you desire in this case" handing her a large black trunk.
"but what is this?" exclaimed alion. "i think you know what i mean" he replied. and as he disapeared into the crowds,
he turned and whispered. "beware! for all is not obvious, within which you farm!"
1000 hours, 25,04,2004. on board flight 207
so when everyone had boarded and alan had been arrested for joking about hiding bombs in his cap. thusly being locked up in
a portugeuse prison. alion decided to tell everyone about her strange experience in the departure lounge.
"so i don't no whats in it at all" said alion worriedly. "yes interesting, this could be good or bad" said robyn, thrusting her
eyebrows back and forth! yes but on more important matters" said nick, "we are leaving when we get home" he said laughing wildly!! "yes i'm afraid we must leave right away when we arrive home" said mini nick sadly.
"oh well these things happen" said a very gay steward. "dan!! what are you doing working for zambian airway?" asked joe.
"oh well goby sacked me, for snogging a customer" replied dan bitterly. "was she worth it?" asked tom interested now.
"no him" answered dan, offering pink towels. "anyway we don't want to know" said joe trying to change the subject.
"so you gonna come visit our farm then?" asked fatbob. "yeah go on then, as long as theirs huge amounts of beer, and fast cars for me to cain!!" he replied.
1400 hours, 25, 04, 2004. nozzle farm, eastern zambia.
"i do hope everything is ok" said jess worriedly. "i'm sure all will be well dear" replied tom reassureingly. "they better of been keeping my dinosar sprayed" said jeni stroking her chin, "that has to be done, or it'll become brittle and useless".
"like you fatbob" said ellie, opening her duty free ouzo. "did you really have to buy a litre and half bottle ellie?" asked bidge very concerned. "well if your gonna buy stuff cheap, you might as well go the whole hog". replied ellie supping hard!.
so everything was well at the farm, beccas ditch was in good order. all the animals had been fed. even jeni's dinosaur was suitably moist! so when dan had been shown round the whole complex, it was time for some unpacking.
"well time to find out what this is then i guess" said alion looking hard at the padlock on her trunk. "give it here" said debbie, using her pc skills to crack the code. alion carefully opened the trunk. and out rolled a young man, wrapped in clingfilm, and wearing stainless steel nipple clamps. "oh my goodness" screamed rii. "quick get im out of there" said joe grabbing some bolt croppers.
so when the young man was all unwrapped and his very painful looking nipple clamps had been removed. everyone wanted to ask the first question. "who the f**k are you?" asked arthur impatiantly. "hi i'm matt" answered the man, breathing hard.
"where the hell did you come from, and how did you get in that trunk?" asked emily amazed by the whole thing.
"well it all began a long time ago!!"
"well its been a marvelous holiday" said emily smiling, "it was very nice to see all of carlos relatives" "yes it was very hospitable of your father carlos, we thank him greatly" said joe analy. "yes i think we should all thank jess for all her work in organinsing this holiday!" said emma. "yes to jess! my wonderful girl" said tom proudly. "right people come on or we'll be late for the flight"
said joe. "yes its been a great outing for us all" said fatbob, and bringing byork back as a mascot was a bit of luck"
"yes" agreed pasty. "that will be great for our careers" so as everyone was piling into the departure lounge, suddenly out of the crowds
appeared a strange and mysterious man. eyes hooded, a farrowed brow, his nose defiant. cloaked in black. strode up to alion.
he looked into her eyes and said. "i think you'll find something you desire in this case" handing her a large black trunk.
"but what is this?" exclaimed alion. "i think you know what i mean" he replied. and as he disapeared into the crowds,
he turned and whispered. "beware! for all is not obvious, within which you farm!"
1000 hours, 25,04,2004. on board flight 207
so when everyone had boarded and alan had been arrested for joking about hiding bombs in his cap. thusly being locked up in
a portugeuse prison. alion decided to tell everyone about her strange experience in the departure lounge.
"so i don't no whats in it at all" said alion worriedly. "yes interesting, this could be good or bad" said robyn, thrusting her
eyebrows back and forth! yes but on more important matters" said nick, "we are leaving when we get home" he said laughing wildly!! "yes i'm afraid we must leave right away when we arrive home" said mini nick sadly.
"oh well these things happen" said a very gay steward. "dan!! what are you doing working for zambian airway?" asked joe.
"oh well goby sacked me, for snogging a customer" replied dan bitterly. "was she worth it?" asked tom interested now.
"no him" answered dan, offering pink towels. "anyway we don't want to know" said joe trying to change the subject.
"so you gonna come visit our farm then?" asked fatbob. "yeah go on then, as long as theirs huge amounts of beer, and fast cars for me to cain!!" he replied.
1400 hours, 25, 04, 2004. nozzle farm, eastern zambia.
"i do hope everything is ok" said jess worriedly. "i'm sure all will be well dear" replied tom reassureingly. "they better of been keeping my dinosar sprayed" said jeni stroking her chin, "that has to be done, or it'll become brittle and useless".
"like you fatbob" said ellie, opening her duty free ouzo. "did you really have to buy a litre and half bottle ellie?" asked bidge very concerned. "well if your gonna buy stuff cheap, you might as well go the whole hog". replied ellie supping hard!.
so everything was well at the farm, beccas ditch was in good order. all the animals had been fed. even jeni's dinosaur was suitably moist! so when dan had been shown round the whole complex, it was time for some unpacking.
"well time to find out what this is then i guess" said alion looking hard at the padlock on her trunk. "give it here" said debbie, using her pc skills to crack the code. alion carefully opened the trunk. and out rolled a young man, wrapped in clingfilm, and wearing stainless steel nipple clamps. "oh my goodness" screamed rii. "quick get im out of there" said joe grabbing some bolt croppers.
so when the young man was all unwrapped and his very painful looking nipple clamps had been removed. everyone wanted to ask the first question. "who the f**k are you?" asked arthur impatiantly. "hi i'm matt" answered the man, breathing hard.
"where the hell did you come from, and how did you get in that trunk?" asked emily amazed by the whole thing.
"well it all began a long time ago!!"
Wednesday, 9 January 2002
CHAPTER 9 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. A LONG AWAITED DEPARTURE
2000 hours, 12,04,2004 hotel grounds.
"oh my goodness" screamed catherine running out of the fire exit! "don't worry he's out now" said joe, dripping with sweat, and holdong a teatowel. robyn looked down at the very chared and icky mass that was once tim, and slowly began to weep.
"i know its hard for us all robyn, he will be missed" said jules comfortingly. "its not that" said robyn sobbing.
"its just he borrowed my trainers, my only trainers damn him!!" "thats awful robyn, here have mine" said joc very sympathetic.
"come on lets get this over with, someone call the kebab shop" said fatbob drinking an old speckled hen. so joe rang up H&H
to see what he could sort out. "no good i'm afraid chaps, the old lady across the road died last tuesday, so their ok for meat for about a week" "damn" said luke punching the wall. "look lets look at this sensibly, wilko what do you do on farms these days?"
asked jeni. "well i don't like to giveaway trade secrets but i think i can do something for a small fee" said wilko puffing on a cuban.
"ar good" said joe relaxing, now i need a bath. "er neil can you come lend us a hand with tim please" asked fatbob.
2200 hours, 12,04,2004 some hole in iceland.
"right neil, you gid the hole we'll talk some buisness, everybodys happy!" said wilko, smoothing back his hair. "ook" said neil looking worried. so neil dug away while fatbob counted the contents of tims wallet. meanwhile back at the hotel.
"i'm afraid i'm gonna have to go home early to tell tims parents." said joc crying hard. "poor tim, he really was the wild man of the woods" said alion. "but in the end he went a fire too far" she said, pulling hard on her fag. " "come on" said jeni, "lets get you a biscuit" "ooh me too" said debs running after them. "right come on joc" said viki, "lets get a flight booked"
back at the hole. "er guys i can't seem to get outn of here, are you sure it has to be 10 foot deep?" "oh yeah at least"
said fatbob. "and the gasses down here are making me dizzy" "yeah they'll do that" said wilko cassually.
"guys!" "right fatbob, you ready?" asked wilko clenching his buttocks. "lets do it, look at my eyes neil!!!" "arr shit nooo"
2430 hours, 13,04,2004 hotle bar (again)
"well thats tim buried" said wilko strolling in, rather spattered with blood. "yes" agreed fatbob holding a bag of golf clubs under his arm. "so wheres neil?" asked anna, with a manic grin on her face. "oh we had to dispence with him" said wilko dusting himself off.
"oh good" said debs under her breath. "what you say debs?" asked ellie, drinking yet another bottle ouzo!
"oh nothing really, just thinking i should really get some damn pie on the go for joe" "so neils gone?" said alion, always slow to catch on. "yup" said fatbob. "yeeees" said alion leaping in the air, and spilling her pint. "is that my tshirt your wearing alion?" asked joe anally. "er no" replied alion sweetly. enough of this, who wants a game of golf?" asked tom. "at nearly 1am tom" said jess. "er strawberry picking then?" "lets just go to bed shall we" suggested bidge yawning, "yes i quite agree" said suz, trying her hardest to snog the right simon. "well anyones welcome to join me for monopoly in my room if they like" said joe taking the situation by the horns. "yey! strip i hope" requested julia p. "of course" said joe proudly. "you coming louise?" asked emma.
"er no i better not, got a church to build tomorrow, and i've got to make the bricks first. need an early night"
"suit yourself mate" said emma slipping on a couple of jumpers.
0300 hours, 13,04,2004 joe&debbies room (wink wink nudge nudge)
"yes! i win again" shouted luke, wearing nothing but a straw boater. "damn that straw boater" said energy shivering. "not all that warm for strip monopoly is it" she said."well come on everyone lets get to bed!" said joe. so everyone went to bed, bar becca, who went to a late night ditch convention! so everyone was up bright and early, joc was off to the airport. but there was more incidents yet! "whats up onion?" asked anna, as onion came running down to breakfast in tears! "simon slept walked, to a car cruise. and got run over by an escort RS turbo!" she said, not able to control herself. "oh no thats awful" said suz pearing over a newspaper.
"well these things happen" said bigmore flicking through an alloys catalogue. "well you would say that" said suz angrily. "you and your subaru" "now now lets not squabble children" said joe, taking command. "come on" he said. "lets sort rthis out"
"oh my goodness" screamed catherine running out of the fire exit! "don't worry he's out now" said joe, dripping with sweat, and holdong a teatowel. robyn looked down at the very chared and icky mass that was once tim, and slowly began to weep.
"i know its hard for us all robyn, he will be missed" said jules comfortingly. "its not that" said robyn sobbing.
"its just he borrowed my trainers, my only trainers damn him!!" "thats awful robyn, here have mine" said joc very sympathetic.
"come on lets get this over with, someone call the kebab shop" said fatbob drinking an old speckled hen. so joe rang up H&H
to see what he could sort out. "no good i'm afraid chaps, the old lady across the road died last tuesday, so their ok for meat for about a week" "damn" said luke punching the wall. "look lets look at this sensibly, wilko what do you do on farms these days?"
asked jeni. "well i don't like to giveaway trade secrets but i think i can do something for a small fee" said wilko puffing on a cuban.
"ar good" said joe relaxing, now i need a bath. "er neil can you come lend us a hand with tim please" asked fatbob.
2200 hours, 12,04,2004 some hole in iceland.
"right neil, you gid the hole we'll talk some buisness, everybodys happy!" said wilko, smoothing back his hair. "ook" said neil looking worried. so neil dug away while fatbob counted the contents of tims wallet. meanwhile back at the hotel.
"i'm afraid i'm gonna have to go home early to tell tims parents." said joc crying hard. "poor tim, he really was the wild man of the woods" said alion. "but in the end he went a fire too far" she said, pulling hard on her fag. " "come on" said jeni, "lets get you a biscuit" "ooh me too" said debs running after them. "right come on joc" said viki, "lets get a flight booked"
back at the hole. "er guys i can't seem to get outn of here, are you sure it has to be 10 foot deep?" "oh yeah at least"
said fatbob. "and the gasses down here are making me dizzy" "yeah they'll do that" said wilko cassually.
"guys!" "right fatbob, you ready?" asked wilko clenching his buttocks. "lets do it, look at my eyes neil!!!" "arr shit nooo"
2430 hours, 13,04,2004 hotle bar (again)
"well thats tim buried" said wilko strolling in, rather spattered with blood. "yes" agreed fatbob holding a bag of golf clubs under his arm. "so wheres neil?" asked anna, with a manic grin on her face. "oh we had to dispence with him" said wilko dusting himself off.
"oh good" said debs under her breath. "what you say debs?" asked ellie, drinking yet another bottle ouzo!
"oh nothing really, just thinking i should really get some damn pie on the go for joe" "so neils gone?" said alion, always slow to catch on. "yup" said fatbob. "yeeees" said alion leaping in the air, and spilling her pint. "is that my tshirt your wearing alion?" asked joe anally. "er no" replied alion sweetly. enough of this, who wants a game of golf?" asked tom. "at nearly 1am tom" said jess. "er strawberry picking then?" "lets just go to bed shall we" suggested bidge yawning, "yes i quite agree" said suz, trying her hardest to snog the right simon. "well anyones welcome to join me for monopoly in my room if they like" said joe taking the situation by the horns. "yey! strip i hope" requested julia p. "of course" said joe proudly. "you coming louise?" asked emma.
"er no i better not, got a church to build tomorrow, and i've got to make the bricks first. need an early night"
"suit yourself mate" said emma slipping on a couple of jumpers.
0300 hours, 13,04,2004 joe&debbies room (wink wink nudge nudge)
"yes! i win again" shouted luke, wearing nothing but a straw boater. "damn that straw boater" said energy shivering. "not all that warm for strip monopoly is it" she said."well come on everyone lets get to bed!" said joe. so everyone went to bed, bar becca, who went to a late night ditch convention! so everyone was up bright and early, joc was off to the airport. but there was more incidents yet! "whats up onion?" asked anna, as onion came running down to breakfast in tears! "simon slept walked, to a car cruise. and got run over by an escort RS turbo!" she said, not able to control herself. "oh no thats awful" said suz pearing over a newspaper.
"well these things happen" said bigmore flicking through an alloys catalogue. "well you would say that" said suz angrily. "you and your subaru" "now now lets not squabble children" said joe, taking command. "come on" he said. "lets sort rthis out"
Tuesday, 8 January 2002
CHAPTER 8 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. A FISTFULL OF WOOL!
0700 hours, 12,04,2004 hotel dining hall
"morning joe, how be you?" asked ellie strolling in to the restaurant. "i be good thanks" replied joe. "sleep well?"
"yes except i heard clarke and onion throwing armchairs at eachother at 3 in the morning!" replied joe."arr shame" said jeni carrying a tray of toast. "oh yeah tea toast fag" said fatbob helping himself! "its not all yours bob" said debs cradling a ring tailed lemur. "sorry debs, but i do love my toast" "i quite agree, toast is essential" added arthur. "where has pasty gone this morning? he wasn't in his room when i called him for breakfast" said reena eating lots of icelandic curry. "as good as at home reena?" asked wendy, "i can't believe they took my drugs" "no not as good as my mum cooks" replied reena.
"thats it eat your fill people, because todays gonna all be on the hoof!" said joe rapidly digesting muffins. "fatbob,you seem very happy this morning, any reason?" asked louise, while flipping through a convent holiday brochure.
"no reason really, just got some eyebrow action last night!!" "fatbob!!" shouted robyn in a hushed voice! kicking him under the chair
so when everyone had finished eating it was time for some serious sight seeing.
0900 hours, 12,04,2004 outside the hotel.
"right lets get some transport sorted" said energy rubbing her hands together. "yes i think we should rent a bus" suggested pasty appearing from behind a dustbin. "yes i quite agree young paste, to the rental garage!" said joe anally.
"so where did you go this morning pasty?" asked jeni, "reena called you and you weren't there" "oh well i was... erm buying a new guitar string, for the band. "oh i see, how convenient!! said ellie, not believing him atal. "yeah and where'd you get those fancy clothes ey?" asked jess, "he was wearing them yesterday jess" pointed out viki. "well then everythings wrapped up in a neat little package isn't it!!" replied jess. "come on now people, lets get to this garage" said joe taking command.
1100 hours, 12,04, 2004 in the bus.
"well that was nice and easy!" said louise, still looking through her convent brochure. "what are you doing lou?" asked bidge making a cup of tea. "oh i'm just thinking of becoming a nun, thats all" replied louise. "fair enough, didn't think that was really you"
said bidge pondering. "boy i'm hungry" said arthur, his stomach rumbling as ususl. "oh your always hungry monkey boy" said jules in dispair!. "erm neil" said fastbob, peering over his chair. "yes mate, is there a problem?" answered neil.
"just thinking, you do know that theres a 100% interest on that money you lended don't you?"
"oh is there, i mean i thought there would be a small fee.. but i dont think i could get that sort of money" said neil looking worried.
"well we've got a little problem then aven't we?" said wilko. "yes" said fatbob, "see this, this is my favourite axe!!"
"how much further bigmore?" asked suz, "i really need a novelty item right about now" "yes dear we'll soon be there, have some more flowers while your waiting" replied bigmore. "do you really have to drive so fast simon" said sophie, sliding from one seat to another!! "yes.. yes i do" said simon, handbrake turning round a corner!
so after many hours of fun swimming, walking, buying novelty items and playing icelandic strip monopoly. (which julia p won)
it was nice to be back in the warm, at the hotel.
2000 hours, 12,04,2004 pastys room.
look robyn, you've got your eyebrows, me my guitar and my secret oboe lessons, we're from two differant worlds" said pasty smoking on the bed, "yes well i've been renting out my eyebrows to fatbob for weeks now" said robyn outwardly.
"well i've been using your parents money to buy guitar strings" replied pasty. "you've got to admit you have a problem pasty, no more guitar strings" "i don't have a problem i just keep f*"*"ing breaking them, damn those festivals!" "well i guess thats it, lets never fight again!" said robyn practising brow movements in the mirror! "yes i agree. now if you don't mind i have an oboe lesson i'm late for" just then jo c burst in. "come quick tim just fell into a fire he was trying to light in the hotel grounds!!"
"morning joe, how be you?" asked ellie strolling in to the restaurant. "i be good thanks" replied joe. "sleep well?"
"yes except i heard clarke and onion throwing armchairs at eachother at 3 in the morning!" replied joe."arr shame" said jeni carrying a tray of toast. "oh yeah tea toast fag" said fatbob helping himself! "its not all yours bob" said debs cradling a ring tailed lemur. "sorry debs, but i do love my toast" "i quite agree, toast is essential" added arthur. "where has pasty gone this morning? he wasn't in his room when i called him for breakfast" said reena eating lots of icelandic curry. "as good as at home reena?" asked wendy, "i can't believe they took my drugs" "no not as good as my mum cooks" replied reena.
"thats it eat your fill people, because todays gonna all be on the hoof!" said joe rapidly digesting muffins. "fatbob,you seem very happy this morning, any reason?" asked louise, while flipping through a convent holiday brochure.
"no reason really, just got some eyebrow action last night!!" "fatbob!!" shouted robyn in a hushed voice! kicking him under the chair
so when everyone had finished eating it was time for some serious sight seeing.
0900 hours, 12,04,2004 outside the hotel.
"right lets get some transport sorted" said energy rubbing her hands together. "yes i think we should rent a bus" suggested pasty appearing from behind a dustbin. "yes i quite agree young paste, to the rental garage!" said joe anally.
"so where did you go this morning pasty?" asked jeni, "reena called you and you weren't there" "oh well i was... erm buying a new guitar string, for the band. "oh i see, how convenient!! said ellie, not believing him atal. "yeah and where'd you get those fancy clothes ey?" asked jess, "he was wearing them yesterday jess" pointed out viki. "well then everythings wrapped up in a neat little package isn't it!!" replied jess. "come on now people, lets get to this garage" said joe taking command.
1100 hours, 12,04, 2004 in the bus.
"well that was nice and easy!" said louise, still looking through her convent brochure. "what are you doing lou?" asked bidge making a cup of tea. "oh i'm just thinking of becoming a nun, thats all" replied louise. "fair enough, didn't think that was really you"
said bidge pondering. "boy i'm hungry" said arthur, his stomach rumbling as ususl. "oh your always hungry monkey boy" said jules in dispair!. "erm neil" said fastbob, peering over his chair. "yes mate, is there a problem?" answered neil.
"just thinking, you do know that theres a 100% interest on that money you lended don't you?"
"oh is there, i mean i thought there would be a small fee.. but i dont think i could get that sort of money" said neil looking worried.
"well we've got a little problem then aven't we?" said wilko. "yes" said fatbob, "see this, this is my favourite axe!!"
"how much further bigmore?" asked suz, "i really need a novelty item right about now" "yes dear we'll soon be there, have some more flowers while your waiting" replied bigmore. "do you really have to drive so fast simon" said sophie, sliding from one seat to another!! "yes.. yes i do" said simon, handbrake turning round a corner!
so after many hours of fun swimming, walking, buying novelty items and playing icelandic strip monopoly. (which julia p won)
it was nice to be back in the warm, at the hotel.
2000 hours, 12,04,2004 pastys room.
look robyn, you've got your eyebrows, me my guitar and my secret oboe lessons, we're from two differant worlds" said pasty smoking on the bed, "yes well i've been renting out my eyebrows to fatbob for weeks now" said robyn outwardly.
"well i've been using your parents money to buy guitar strings" replied pasty. "you've got to admit you have a problem pasty, no more guitar strings" "i don't have a problem i just keep f*"*"ing breaking them, damn those festivals!" "well i guess thats it, lets never fight again!" said robyn practising brow movements in the mirror! "yes i agree. now if you don't mind i have an oboe lesson i'm late for" just then jo c burst in. "come quick tim just fell into a fire he was trying to light in the hotel grounds!!"
Monday, 7 January 2002
CHAPTER 7 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. ICELAND FOREVER?
1200 hours, 11,04,2004 zambia national airport.
"well here we are ladies and gentlemen" said joe quite analy! " attention passengers flight 205 to iceland, boarding will commence now. so get your asses into gear you morans!!" "right come on lads its everyman for himself!" shouted luke, shoving fatbob into a drinks dispencer. "yes for no man has harketh a time for such melodies against his will" said bidge. "you are full of surprises bidge, i dont no why joe thought so little of your intellect" said suz wistfully snogging simon. "errm suz" said reena looking rather worried."what reena?" asked suz totally bemused. "errr wrong simon" "oh sorry freeman!" said suz i bit embarresed!
" hey i still got it" said simon smirking and high fiving wilko. "enough of this nonsence children and on with the show, or we'll miss the plane" said joe looking worriedly at his watch. so when everyone had boarded and all wendys drugs had been confiscated,
it was time for lunch.
1800 hours, 11,04,2004 iceland national airport.
"erm wilko my friend" said neil at the porn booth. "yeeees my friend" replied wilko looking eager. "this whole thing with alion and the reading ticket, i sort of need to borrow some cash" "well you've come to the right man, how much do you require?"
"right come on lads" said suz scratching at the door, "lets get the coach, i want to go for a swim in a geiser before dinner"
"yes i quite agree said anna, hey just a minute i'm not just gonna agree, i'm going to add something aswell.
did you know that general picket lost over 6000 men in the battle of gettysburg in 1863" "yes thats great anna" said alan.
"come lets get going" said joe prefusely.
2100 hours, 11,04,2004 the quata hotel.
"well that was a lovely swim" said becca, drying herself on one of the curtains in the foyet. "becca! this is a class place" said emily, distraught. "hey becca, how bout meeting in the ditch later" said wilko winking. "ok" said becca,"i love a good ditch"
"come on tom, we'll be late for dinner" said jess calling from bedroom."yeah ok just polishing my mokisans" replied tom scrubbing hard. downstairs everyone was waiting for the main course. "that was top class nosh hey luke" said arthur, scraping the congealed bits out of his beard. "yes or as the french would say, le tope le classey nothe" answered luke proudly.
"thats not actually french luke" said alion smacking him round the head with a bread stick. "ok ok no need for violence" said luke rubbing his face. "boy you've got some good eyebrows their luke" said fatbob admiringly! "i do worry about you fatbob" said jules.
0300 hours, 12,04,2004 hotel bar.
"well that was good" said fatbob, rubbing his belly. "yes, i prefered the waitress personally, wink wink nudge nudge"
"simon!! said onion appauled. "yes i quite agree" said jess. "so robyn may i meet your eyebrows later, for some folicle loving!"
said fatbob smiling, "ok maybe, but i'll have to have a word with them. coz i might get rain in my eyes when i go for a walk later"
"hey may i join you fatbob?" asked arthur. "no!! stay away, their mine, my precious!" said fatbob his eyes alight with fire!
" come on fatbob, let it go" said joe. "another pint?"
"well here we are ladies and gentlemen" said joe quite analy! " attention passengers flight 205 to iceland, boarding will commence now. so get your asses into gear you morans!!" "right come on lads its everyman for himself!" shouted luke, shoving fatbob into a drinks dispencer. "yes for no man has harketh a time for such melodies against his will" said bidge. "you are full of surprises bidge, i dont no why joe thought so little of your intellect" said suz wistfully snogging simon. "errm suz" said reena looking rather worried."what reena?" asked suz totally bemused. "errr wrong simon" "oh sorry freeman!" said suz i bit embarresed!
" hey i still got it" said simon smirking and high fiving wilko. "enough of this nonsence children and on with the show, or we'll miss the plane" said joe looking worriedly at his watch. so when everyone had boarded and all wendys drugs had been confiscated,
it was time for lunch.
1800 hours, 11,04,2004 iceland national airport.
"erm wilko my friend" said neil at the porn booth. "yeeees my friend" replied wilko looking eager. "this whole thing with alion and the reading ticket, i sort of need to borrow some cash" "well you've come to the right man, how much do you require?"
"right come on lads" said suz scratching at the door, "lets get the coach, i want to go for a swim in a geiser before dinner"
"yes i quite agree said anna, hey just a minute i'm not just gonna agree, i'm going to add something aswell.
did you know that general picket lost over 6000 men in the battle of gettysburg in 1863" "yes thats great anna" said alan.
"come lets get going" said joe prefusely.
2100 hours, 11,04,2004 the quata hotel.
"well that was a lovely swim" said becca, drying herself on one of the curtains in the foyet. "becca! this is a class place" said emily, distraught. "hey becca, how bout meeting in the ditch later" said wilko winking. "ok" said becca,"i love a good ditch"
"come on tom, we'll be late for dinner" said jess calling from bedroom."yeah ok just polishing my mokisans" replied tom scrubbing hard. downstairs everyone was waiting for the main course. "that was top class nosh hey luke" said arthur, scraping the congealed bits out of his beard. "yes or as the french would say, le tope le classey nothe" answered luke proudly.
"thats not actually french luke" said alion smacking him round the head with a bread stick. "ok ok no need for violence" said luke rubbing his face. "boy you've got some good eyebrows their luke" said fatbob admiringly! "i do worry about you fatbob" said jules.
0300 hours, 12,04,2004 hotel bar.
"well that was good" said fatbob, rubbing his belly. "yes, i prefered the waitress personally, wink wink nudge nudge"
"simon!! said onion appauled. "yes i quite agree" said jess. "so robyn may i meet your eyebrows later, for some folicle loving!"
said fatbob smiling, "ok maybe, but i'll have to have a word with them. coz i might get rain in my eyes when i go for a walk later"
"hey may i join you fatbob?" asked arthur. "no!! stay away, their mine, my precious!" said fatbob his eyes alight with fire!
" come on fatbob, let it go" said joe. "another pint?"
Sunday, 6 January 2002
CHAPTER 6 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. LUCRITIVE DEALINGS
0700 hours, 02,04,2004 fields of nozzles.
it was a warm sunny day in april, everyone was inspecting and weeding the coming summers crop. "i'm glad we cloned these nozzles to be ready in may" said robyn hawking out weeds with her spade. "yes it was a very clever idea of mine wasn't it" said alion proudly. "hang on i think you'll find it was my idea first" said louise also very proudly. "lets not argue people, we have all helped eachother" said debbie wisely (and looking very fit indeed!) "i was thinking joe" said james pufffing away. "do carry on dear chap" replied joe. "well i thought we could go away on holiday somewhere, before the crop is ready for harvesting" he said hoping for the best. "what a good idea" said jess. "i will look at some brochers" "good idea jess" said tom smiling.
"right so its settled then, we will aim to go away in one weeks time" said joe in an important voice. "yey" shouted alion jumping up and down. so over the next few days everyone tried to get everything finished so they could go away. viki and charlotte arranged for the horses to be fed and mucked out, by the villagers while they were away. alion and louise showed onko and maffi how to keep the temperatures correct in the greenhouse. debbie sorted out packing. and jess was doing a marvelous job of finding a bargain hoiliday.
1515 hours, 04,04,2004 the mug and nonce. (in a dingy smoke filled room)
"so you listen here matey" said wilko puffing on a cuban cigar. "i run things round here from now on" he said looking chief barry straight in the eye. "you not can do dat" said barry angered. "oh can't i" said wilko shoving 500 in his hand. "oh yes yes dis very good ting" said barry quickly. "thats right my son, and remember, your the chief ok?" said wilko slyly. "yes yes" replied barry.
"meet fatbob, hes a bit of a wideboy" said wilko waving fatbob into the room. "hello" said fatbob stroking chief barrys hair.
"what is dis you doing?" asked barry. "i'm stroking your frizzy hair!" back in the farmhouse. "yey yey, i've found one!" said jess very excitedly. "well done where are we off to then?" asked sophie. "well it was difficult, but i got a two week split holiday,
one week in iceland, and one week in portugal" she said trying to contain herself. "portugal!! that means carlos can visit his family" said emily extatic. "yey, we're going on holiday" said debbie and alion both at once, jumping all over the place.
so it was all go. they had six days to prepare, and everyone had plenty to do. carlos wrote to his relatives to tell him he was going to visit. debbie bought a brand new bikini ;). alion was trying to get neil to pay for her, but only succeeded in getting rid of half of her payment. everyone was on a high.
0700 hours, 10,04,2004 the day before the holiday.
"come on people, organisation is essential" said charlot polishing a turd vigorously. "why the hell are you doing that?" asked simon clark. "well you never know when you'll need a polished turd do you" replied charlot. "yeah but charlot darling, you can't polish a turd" said simon slightly worried by his girlfriends behaviour. "now listen you, wheres the cash?" fatbob asked maffi in a very intimidating voice."i not know dat sir" replied maffi very scared indeed. "look at me maffi, look at my fucking eyes!! now wheres my money?" "you know what this calls for don't you" said baataur. "kneecap time!!" in the village hall. "now listen please people, as you know, me and my friends are going away for two weeks. are you happy you know what your duties are while we are away?" asked joe in an important voice. "yes yes" said everyone at once. "good. i thank you all again for all your help these past weeks" added joe, almost reduced to tears. in the barn james and arthur were talking like men. "we have to end this now arthur" said james very worried. "yes i think julia is getting suspicious" replied arthur. "always with the lust arthur, thats your problem" said james trying to pass the buck. "yeah well i bet they would do the same to us" answered arthur. "don't be absurd, to think they would do that to us" said james quite shocked. meanwhile emily was packing with ingham. "now take it easy emily, you have to take it easy from now on" said ingham. "yes but there is so much to do" replied emily out of breath. "yes but leave all that to us, you must rest"
said ingham putting her foot down. "i agree totally" added becca strolling in. " remember, you might find the stoat of insecurity, has more than one handhold on the tapier of bereivement" "yes altho the sloth of obessity has an array of cards to play, the creeper vine of hate rings true concerning the okapi of enlightenment" added susie bounding through the door. "what are you trying to say" asked emily a little confusticated. "we're trying to say, the carp of sanity breathes through a copper tube of life" said becca impatiently. "ok in english now" said emily crossly. "take it easy mate" said susie walking off.
1900 hours, 10,04,2004 the mug and nonce again.
"well who wants to play the quiz" asked ellie (never missing a quiz, EVER!) "yeah go on then" said suz fiddling with the pen.
"yes i'll join you" added simon b. "even tho i have purposely forgotten everything i ever learned" "still better than joe hey"
said ellie. "now we need a name" said alion getting all excited and breaking her chair. "how about, a solute to neil" she suggested.
"well its original, i'll give you that" said robyn. "bex stop chatting up other peoples boyfriends" said emily, as bex began to stroke simon c's leg. "yes their are plenty of single men now, no more need for stealing" agreed anna. "ar that reminds me" said nick.
"me and mini nick will be leaving you i'm afraid, after the holiday" "ar why?" asked catherine. "well my dear, you see monkeys have taken over our brains, and we have to get to a docter very soon" said mini nick trying not to laugh. "really!! thats really interesting" said catherine intrigued. "oh stop it nick" said sophie. "raisons anyone?" offered matt taking a large bag out of his rucksack.
"who wants a drink?" offered joe feeling very generous. "go on then" said ellie. "i won't ask what you want" said joe knowing full well
"can i have a drink too please" asked louise batting her eyelids. "that won't work on me mate" said joe. "i will tho"
"and me too i should hope" said debbie throwing her darts wildly through the air.
so after many hours of drinking and an appalling score of 2 and a half in the quiz, it was time to go home. "well guys tomorrow we will be off to iceland" said joe belching loudly.
0600 hours, 11,04,2004 breakfast room.
"tea anyone" offered bidge. "no thanks jo" replied energy. "and one thing, why does joe think your just a brainless girl, with no other task in life other than to supply us with an endless surge of hot beverages of the choiceless variety?" "thats very profound energy" said wendy playing with her face lots. "i don't know energy, maybe hes just an imperialist sexist angst ridden oaf" replied jo pouring tea into countless cups. "excuse me i don't mind being insulted, but in my company i object" said joe peering over his newspaper. "ooh joe reading about the world, are you well?" said jeni sarcastically. "yeah yeah ok" said joe disgusted by his freinds lack of faith in his reading abbilities. after breakfast everyone piled into the minibus, and off they all went
monty provided on board entertainment, singing and dancing down the isle. while simon freeman, acted as courier.
providing jokes and idioms. so the journey went swiftly and without incident, except alan giving out out of date sweets again.
"well here we are people" said joe stretching after the long journey. "yes tomorrow we will be in iceland!!!!!! said luke laughing
it was a warm sunny day in april, everyone was inspecting and weeding the coming summers crop. "i'm glad we cloned these nozzles to be ready in may" said robyn hawking out weeds with her spade. "yes it was a very clever idea of mine wasn't it" said alion proudly. "hang on i think you'll find it was my idea first" said louise also very proudly. "lets not argue people, we have all helped eachother" said debbie wisely (and looking very fit indeed!) "i was thinking joe" said james pufffing away. "do carry on dear chap" replied joe. "well i thought we could go away on holiday somewhere, before the crop is ready for harvesting" he said hoping for the best. "what a good idea" said jess. "i will look at some brochers" "good idea jess" said tom smiling.
"right so its settled then, we will aim to go away in one weeks time" said joe in an important voice. "yey" shouted alion jumping up and down. so over the next few days everyone tried to get everything finished so they could go away. viki and charlotte arranged for the horses to be fed and mucked out, by the villagers while they were away. alion and louise showed onko and maffi how to keep the temperatures correct in the greenhouse. debbie sorted out packing. and jess was doing a marvelous job of finding a bargain hoiliday.
1515 hours, 04,04,2004 the mug and nonce. (in a dingy smoke filled room)
"so you listen here matey" said wilko puffing on a cuban cigar. "i run things round here from now on" he said looking chief barry straight in the eye. "you not can do dat" said barry angered. "oh can't i" said wilko shoving 500 in his hand. "oh yes yes dis very good ting" said barry quickly. "thats right my son, and remember, your the chief ok?" said wilko slyly. "yes yes" replied barry.
"meet fatbob, hes a bit of a wideboy" said wilko waving fatbob into the room. "hello" said fatbob stroking chief barrys hair.
"what is dis you doing?" asked barry. "i'm stroking your frizzy hair!" back in the farmhouse. "yey yey, i've found one!" said jess very excitedly. "well done where are we off to then?" asked sophie. "well it was difficult, but i got a two week split holiday,
one week in iceland, and one week in portugal" she said trying to contain herself. "portugal!! that means carlos can visit his family" said emily extatic. "yey, we're going on holiday" said debbie and alion both at once, jumping all over the place.
so it was all go. they had six days to prepare, and everyone had plenty to do. carlos wrote to his relatives to tell him he was going to visit. debbie bought a brand new bikini ;). alion was trying to get neil to pay for her, but only succeeded in getting rid of half of her payment. everyone was on a high.
0700 hours, 10,04,2004 the day before the holiday.
"come on people, organisation is essential" said charlot polishing a turd vigorously. "why the hell are you doing that?" asked simon clark. "well you never know when you'll need a polished turd do you" replied charlot. "yeah but charlot darling, you can't polish a turd" said simon slightly worried by his girlfriends behaviour. "now listen you, wheres the cash?" fatbob asked maffi in a very intimidating voice."i not know dat sir" replied maffi very scared indeed. "look at me maffi, look at my fucking eyes!! now wheres my money?" "you know what this calls for don't you" said baataur. "kneecap time!!" in the village hall. "now listen please people, as you know, me and my friends are going away for two weeks. are you happy you know what your duties are while we are away?" asked joe in an important voice. "yes yes" said everyone at once. "good. i thank you all again for all your help these past weeks" added joe, almost reduced to tears. in the barn james and arthur were talking like men. "we have to end this now arthur" said james very worried. "yes i think julia is getting suspicious" replied arthur. "always with the lust arthur, thats your problem" said james trying to pass the buck. "yeah well i bet they would do the same to us" answered arthur. "don't be absurd, to think they would do that to us" said james quite shocked. meanwhile emily was packing with ingham. "now take it easy emily, you have to take it easy from now on" said ingham. "yes but there is so much to do" replied emily out of breath. "yes but leave all that to us, you must rest"
said ingham putting her foot down. "i agree totally" added becca strolling in. " remember, you might find the stoat of insecurity, has more than one handhold on the tapier of bereivement" "yes altho the sloth of obessity has an array of cards to play, the creeper vine of hate rings true concerning the okapi of enlightenment" added susie bounding through the door. "what are you trying to say" asked emily a little confusticated. "we're trying to say, the carp of sanity breathes through a copper tube of life" said becca impatiently. "ok in english now" said emily crossly. "take it easy mate" said susie walking off.
1900 hours, 10,04,2004 the mug and nonce again.
"well who wants to play the quiz" asked ellie (never missing a quiz, EVER!) "yeah go on then" said suz fiddling with the pen.
"yes i'll join you" added simon b. "even tho i have purposely forgotten everything i ever learned" "still better than joe hey"
said ellie. "now we need a name" said alion getting all excited and breaking her chair. "how about, a solute to neil" she suggested.
"well its original, i'll give you that" said robyn. "bex stop chatting up other peoples boyfriends" said emily, as bex began to stroke simon c's leg. "yes their are plenty of single men now, no more need for stealing" agreed anna. "ar that reminds me" said nick.
"me and mini nick will be leaving you i'm afraid, after the holiday" "ar why?" asked catherine. "well my dear, you see monkeys have taken over our brains, and we have to get to a docter very soon" said mini nick trying not to laugh. "really!! thats really interesting" said catherine intrigued. "oh stop it nick" said sophie. "raisons anyone?" offered matt taking a large bag out of his rucksack.
"who wants a drink?" offered joe feeling very generous. "go on then" said ellie. "i won't ask what you want" said joe knowing full well
"can i have a drink too please" asked louise batting her eyelids. "that won't work on me mate" said joe. "i will tho"
"and me too i should hope" said debbie throwing her darts wildly through the air.
so after many hours of drinking and an appalling score of 2 and a half in the quiz, it was time to go home. "well guys tomorrow we will be off to iceland" said joe belching loudly.
0600 hours, 11,04,2004 breakfast room.
"tea anyone" offered bidge. "no thanks jo" replied energy. "and one thing, why does joe think your just a brainless girl, with no other task in life other than to supply us with an endless surge of hot beverages of the choiceless variety?" "thats very profound energy" said wendy playing with her face lots. "i don't know energy, maybe hes just an imperialist sexist angst ridden oaf" replied jo pouring tea into countless cups. "excuse me i don't mind being insulted, but in my company i object" said joe peering over his newspaper. "ooh joe reading about the world, are you well?" said jeni sarcastically. "yeah yeah ok" said joe disgusted by his freinds lack of faith in his reading abbilities. after breakfast everyone piled into the minibus, and off they all went
monty provided on board entertainment, singing and dancing down the isle. while simon freeman, acted as courier.
providing jokes and idioms. so the journey went swiftly and without incident, except alan giving out out of date sweets again.
"well here we are people" said joe stretching after the long journey. "yes tomorrow we will be in iceland!!!!!! said luke laughing
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