1515 hours, 08,05,2004. under the ledge.
so arthur picked up a six foot piece of driftwood lodged under the ledge, and preceded to thump and wack the obstruction.
just then something fell of the obstruction and came crashing into the water! and then another! and then another! "you nonce arhur" shouted jules as came to the surface. "you've just killed three of members of the british boat race team" "oh damn, how was i supposed to know" replied arthur surfacing. "anyway lets get out of here" said jules pulling herself onto the bank. "look theres someone else on the boat" said arthur also scrambling ashore. "oh you nonce arthur, i do hope he's ok" said jules taking a look. "well i never its james cracknel" she said astonished. just then ellie came strolling down the path, "hiya" she said. "i was just taking a brisk walk, blimey!! its james cracknel, what the hell is he doing here? and in a unconcious state aswell by the looks of things" she said taking a "closer" look. "i'm afraid i smashed him in the face with a piece of wood" apologised arthur lighting a splif. "oh well never mind" said ellie throwing mr cracknel over her shoulder. "i'm sure i can sort him out" so off wandered ellie back to the house. "well i think we better tell joe all about this, and about steve coming" said jules. "yes i agree" said arthur drying his hair.
1600 hours, 08,05,2004. farmhouse.
joe was sitting in the lounge caressing "that" clown, and working out his accounts, when arthur and jules came running in!
"hey joe, we went to see steve and everyone, but steves not well" said jules. "yes and he's coming here, and jules reckons we can make him better with your special nozzle" added arthur. "and what else happened this afternoon arthur?" asked jules looking angry. "oh yeah and i killed a few ppl with a big piece of wood" said arthur quitely, and walking offf. "you did what!?" said joe throwing the clown off his lap. "well we couldn't get out from under the ledge, and we couldn't hold our breaths much longer, so i smaked the thing a few times with a big piece of wood.... well how was i supposed to know it was the olympic rowing team!!" he said indignant. "i agree with arthur" said onion walking in."how was he supposed to know" "ok ok, so was there any survivers?" asked joe in an important voice. "yes" said james cracknel limping through the french doors. "hi i'm james cracknel" he said.
"yes i saved him" said ellie following him into the lounge, "that nozzle gin is brilliant for cuts and bruises" and it tastes good too" added cracknel. so everyone was introduced to cracknel and there were many a joke cracked, and many a fell story told and lo the evening drew nigh to an end. when suddenly jules leaped up from the table. "thats it arthur, i'm sorry but i can't go out with murderer" "ok fine, but its only been five" said arthur, not quite sure what all the fuss was about. "five" said bidge. "i thought there was three" "oh yeah three thats right" said arthur shutting up quickly.
1400 hours, 10,05,2004. jeni's dinosaur barn.
so the days went by, cracknel told all his storys about boat racing, ellie tended to all his cuts and bruises. and more nozzle gin was applied. it happpened that the boat race team were training for the olympics in zambia, because the britsih board of sport funding were very tight arsed and it was cheap to stay in zambia. anyway jeni and jess were moistening jeni's dinosaur. "this dinosaur is so cool" said jess spraying with a hoze. "it is rather wicked isn't it" said jeni. "if only it was alive like terrence was, i miss terrence" said jeni wiping away a tear. "oh well he may visit us again one day" said jess "but then again i think he was killed by the aliens" said jess feeling awkward. "sorry i guess that doesn't help" she said looking at the skeleton a bit closer. "but you know jeni, theres something rather sinister about this dinosaur" "mm maybe" said jeni moistening vigerously. "its almost as if its SELF AWARE" said luke harrowingly. "where'd you come from luke" said jeni. "you nearly scared me half to death creeping up on us like that" "sorry" said luke blending into the backround. "i do worry about that man" said jess.
1500 hours, 11,05,2004. farmhouse.
so came the day of the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers debut gig. and everyone was very excited. even dan was sort of looking forward to it! "well fatbob when can we start, and how long can we play for?" asked alion. "yes i want to play my new 11 minute acoustic melody" added pasty flicking through a "finest oboe's" order catologue. "whats that your reading pasty?" asked suzanne (who was featuring in one of their songs) "oh just a book on jimi hendrix" replied pasty cautiously. "fair enough" she said. " i'm quite looking forward playing my violin" "yes i'm sure you'll do spiffingly" said robyn warming up her eyebrows for fatbob. "well" said joe. "that the last of the gear. lets go"
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