1800 hours, 11,05,2004. mug and nonce
so everyone gathered at the mug and nonce. and julia p fell down the backstage stairs! and broke her wrist. "oh come along julia" said viki exasperated. "viki?" asked julia p, picking herself up. "do i actually have a purpose in this story or does joe just not know how to write good storys?" i think he's just trying to think of one mate" replied viki buying yet another pint of carling, "oh right fair enough" said julia p purchasing a baileys. "right onion" said fatbob quickly scofffing a kebab, "you get your drumkit out of the van, i'll just get the amps, pasty! wheres that lead" "coming coming" replied pasty stuffing "oboe monthly" down his trousers and coming out of the toilet. "onion" said fatbob lighting up, "why are you wearing nothing but a bikini and a serong?" "o i thought you might like it" replied onion winking. "who's the daddy now!!" said fatbob puffing hard. so everyone got set up, alion broke her stool and had to stand for the whole gig! matt was blinding on his guitar, pasty stole the show with his 11 minute acoustic melody, and fatbob just tried to relive the sixties playing hits from the kinks and pink floyd. "ok guys were gonna take a brake now" said pasty after half an hour or so, so everyone went to bar, arthur bought guiness number 9! suzanne had tried every shot and chaser for sale. and fatbob was buying julia p another bicardi. "go on julia have another it is a wednesday" said fatbob flashing his rolls of fiftys. "where do you get so much money bob?" asked matt playing with his goatee. "oh just working very hard" replied fatbob. "you've never worked a day in your life" said luke lighting pound cions inside a pint glass. "when i was a lad i had to get up 4 hours before i went to bed, work all day in the mines for 27 hours, come home, which was a paper bag on the m1 and then my dad would beat me with with a iron bar!" he said. "calm down luke, you know none of that is true" said tom, trying to remember what jess's vodka orange lemon soda pineapple white wine white snake and black spritzer contained. "i'm sorry, i don't know what your talking about tom" said ellie totally confused behind the bar. "so the evening drew to a close and nigh the nazgual flew over the plains of the pellonair, and fell it was a cold night to whence shadowfaw rode bade to high lands beyond the calls of man nore elves....."
"joe please don't take any offense, but why are you talking such complete and utter bollocks?" asked wendy. "sorry just got carried away" answered joe anally. "come on wendy" said emma, "lets go before things turn ugly" and as energy started throwing chairs around, and bidge began to tip ashtrays all over the floor. everyone began to agree. "wells been a good evening everyone" said joe in an important voice. "apart from bidge and energys appauling behaviour, lets go home and playt some games"
0730 hours, 13,05,2004. breakfast room.
"morning joe" said bidge walking down the stairs, "cup of tea?" "thats very kind of you bidge, yes please. you don't often offer me tea nowadays" replied joe reading his "kinky clown 2002 annual" "well sinse i've found my new talent of writng and drawing i don't time to run around making tea" replied bidge sadly brewing away. "yes sad isn't really" "i guess so" added bidge.
"morning bidge" said debbie jumping down the stairs in her penguin pyjamas. "morning debs" replied bidge. "well i hope everyone else gets up soon, i have to announce our profits for the year" said joe eating another slice of toast. "and we have to sort our nozzles out in the barn" said alion running down the stairs. "yes very true ali" answered joe. so when everyone had gathered and had a suitably large breakfast, especially arthur and fatbob. joe stood on the back of a juvenile warthog to make his announcements. "well people, generally there is very good news. we have enough money for bidge to publish her book, and enough for viki and onion to start their stud farm, and carlos has said he knows some very good horse dealers" said joe nearlry falling off his warthog with all the excitement. "well thats brilliant" said bogmore, we can all buy fast cars then" "erm not quite bigmore, we still need a lot of research into the special nozzle" joe reminded everyone.
0945 hours, 13,05,2004. outside main nozzle storage barn.
"well lets have a final count people, then we can devide the nozzles into what we're keeping and what we're going to sell, which with all these projects is going to be most of them i'm afraid" said joe unlocking all the padlocks. "ar what! i need my nozzle splifs man" said jules looking desperate. "i know jules, we all need our splifs" said anna, comfortingly while simultaneously juggling flaming torches, playing the piano, riding a rhino and playing the mouth organ!! "wow that girl gets more interesting every day" commented becca stroking the rhino. "right we're in" said joe swinging wide the doors. "oh my goodness" said reena fainting.
the whole barn was full of mad chattering babboons!! "oh no the've eaten all the nozzles" said jess reduced to tears, "but their so sweet!!" added debbie, look at their little faces!!" "debbie this is no time for squinting" said louise, "we have to kill them all now"
"i agree with louise, but how" said reena recovering somewhat from her fall. "we need some sort of outside help" said alion lighting her pipe. "like the fish kind" "steve!! your here" said jules in amazment. "yes i have come for my nozzle treatment, but it looks like you need more help than me" answered steve a bit out of breath, "this atmosphere is not too good for my lungs" "how do you survive without water steve?" asked louise, opening her notebook. "well we don't need it, where we come from originally" "shoosh" snapped joe, "oops" said steve, everyone looked bewildered. "anyway lets sort these baboons out" said steve. "mondu! bring forth the masses!"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment