chapter 16
dino of death!
1000 hours, 13,05,2004. nozzle barn.
as if by magic hundreds of fish geezers came pouring out of the surounding woods!! "right lets sort these baboons" said mondu, leading the rabble. "so wheres fondu?" shouted arthur over the din of baboons chattering. "i'm afraid he died last year of a gill infection" replied a small butterflyfish, charging through the barn doors! so all the fish people went piling into the barn and began to club the baboons to death!! "joe why are they called fish people, when they are blatently just fish" asked pasty. "well i don't know to be honest paste my friend." replied joe, peering through the window. "well they do hover and breath air" added debbie. "yes but we don't hover debs" said suz holding onto bigmore. "yeah you just stay there sweet mumma" said bigmore, slyly buying heroin off wilko. so what came to be known as the great battle of fish people and baboons went on, and all but the mightiest warriors fell. and lo! the battle ended and the fish people were triumphant. "oh steve you big carp, how can we ever repay you?" asked joe in an important voice. "well jules can make me better, as she promised" replied steve. "why of course i will try" said jules heaving baboons onto a big fire. "good let it begin" said steve.
1325 hours, 13,05,2004. dinosaur storage barn.
so as jules, and reena with her amazing yet sometimes unorthodox surgical know-how began their work on steve the king carp.
jess and jeni went back to the barn to see jeni's dinosaur. "i think i will call him filbert" said jeni staring up at him. "sounds very apt for a dinosaur" jess said agreeingly. "is that a nozzle plant growing out of his eye" said luke walking in mysteriously. "what do you mean luke?" asked jess. "look, up there he has something green growing out of his eyes" said luke again. "what are you doing here anyway?" asked jeni."well i came to get some fish heads for byork actually" said luke, "shes started demanding food, i mean i ask you" "yes luke ok, you just look after poor old byork" said jess. but as jeni and jess began to beat luke playfully with a tube of cheese and chive pringles. filbert slowly began to turn his head, his eyes began glowing bright nozzle green. "er jess....." what luke?" asked jess. "the..the... dinosaur!!" said luke running out the barn door. "oh dear" said jeni shaking. filbert began to pull its arms and legs off its chains! and came crashing towards jess and jeni! "shit were in for it now" said jeni quaking in her stout plimsoles. "what the hell is going on here" said matt. (who was out for a run) "i'm afraid filberts gone quite mad" said jess loading her gun. "i'll say, maybe it likes sultanas" said matt jossling in his bag. "this is no time for novelty snacks man" said jess. "yet get a grip you fool" said jeni smacking him with the back of her hand. but just then filbert leaned down, and snatched matt straight of the floor!! "right theres nothing for it" said jess firing her gun empty. "lets run for it, we have to get joe" so as jeni and jess ran from the barn and matts blood came raining down apon their haeds. tom came bounding down the track. "luke told me what was happening, what the hell did you water it with?" he said panting. "just do something tom" replied jess. "yes help us tom, we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas" agreed jeni. "well i could try using my amazing mokason power" said tom pondering. "yes but we may need something that actually works" said jeni. just then robyns eyebrows came steaming up behind tom. "never fear for eyebrow power is here" said the eyebrows storming into the barn. "wow is there anything those eyebrows can't do" said suz walking up. "i guess not" said tom slipping on a fresh pair of mokasons. so with much howling and moaning filbert was subdued and robyns eyebrows were triumphant once again. "well what a day" said jess, wiping matts blood of her top. "yes i guess we see how filbert is" said jeni cautiously strolling into the barn. inside robyns eyebrows and filbert were shooting up and having a fag. both looking rather knackered! "i do apologise jeni, my behaviour was totally out of order" said filbert. "that ok filbert, but i don't understand how your alive let alone a athlete killing maniac" replied jeni. "never mind everybody. lets all get a kebab" said joe waltzing in, like some sort of showbiz queer.
1400 hours, 13,15,2004. kebab shop.
"well everyone, what an eventfull day its been" said ellie, sitting on cracknels knee. "yes but i'm afraid we can't afford to do everything we were going to, at the moment" said joe downing a guiness extra cold. "due to the unforeseen baboon unpleasentness, we can only finance the stud farm, onion i comission you to take comand on this matter" he said thinking hard. "with great vigour i will" replied onion. "well i reckon i can do all the publishing on bidges book, on my pc now" said debbie. "oh i do hope so" said bidge. "that renminds me, on a totally diferant matter" said energy. "hows jules and reena doing with king steve?" "i don't know actually, there the only people not here" said anna, taming a talking lion with nothing but a bread stick and teaching it to play chess aswell! "well i guess we should go see where those fish people got to" said joe getting up. "wow! your getting up, look everyone joes moving!, tell the papers" said ellie smirking. "yes anyway, matt2 why are you wearing le'coste trainers a nike baseball cap, and a thick gold bracelet, while driving a high backed transit van?" asked alion inquireingly. "because i'm essex boy" replied matt simply. "oh well that clears that up then" said alion. "to the fish people!"
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