CHAPTER 4 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. THE MUG AND NONCE

2000 hours, 16,03,2004 site of farm.
"well come on people i think we've had enough to drink for now" said joe analy. "oh bollocks" said ellie collapsing in a pile on the floor. "yeah we've only just begun" said fatbob, jumping up and down on the back of the truck. "ok just a few more" replied joe hurling a can of carlsberg export at the garage! so everyone had a another drink (or 20) and then began to wander towards the village for dinner. "i wonder whats cooking tonight" said arthur always thinking with his stomach. "preferably kebebs" said fatbob rubbing his stomach hard. in town everyone gathered inside the vilage hall. "weltom weltom my dood dood freinds, we eat now true?" said the village chief swigging his whisky violantly. "oh yes please" replied joe in an important voice.
so when everyone had eaten and drunk, it was time for an evening stroll. "come on people lets walk and talk" said alion,
"i have many interesting storys about celebrities, in which somehow involve me in some way" "yes i'm sure you do" said debbie sympathetically. "we won't thanks" said emily, "yes we will have an early night thanks" added carlos, "i bet you will" said sim.
joe strolled off ahead. "i beta go keep joe company" said debbie running off after him. "ooooh" said louise.
"well sons, what now? more heroin?" said wilko flinging his arms round his sons. "yeey" replied both of them at once.
"nice time for a fag i reckon" said fatbob lighting up. "me too" said neil, "oh no you don't cockmunch" said alion snatching it from his lips. "oh let me" neil said, "ok, but i would much rather you had a pipe to be honest" said alion puffing herself.
"so you alright joe" said debbie slightly nervously. "yeah i guess so" replied joe kicking a stone. "so do you like stuff" she said.
"yes yes i do"
0600 hours, 17,03,2004 breakfast camp.
"who wants bacon and egg baps" shouted fatbob, scraping some more lard out of the bag, while smoking a fag and drinking an early morning luke warm miller pilsner. "me" said rii, walking out of the hut. "ok doc, egg bacon it is" replied fatbob.
"today we will try to finish the main buildings, and start your pub fatbob" said joe writing things down on the back of a brazilian tapier. "cool, i can have my old job back" said rii munching on her bap. "and can i have a job too" asked ellie, "please fatbob"
"i guess so, you can be head of entertainments" replied fatbob, applying more lard. "cool, do i get a discount then?" she asked hopefully. "no" he replied. so when everyone had eaten, and had many a cup of tea, provided by jo of course. it was time to get on with the building. aswell as everyone pitching in, they also had the help of 60 odd villagers all very eager to help.
"now jeni, you organise 10 people to help you dig the foundations for the second barn" said joe thinking hard.
"righto" said jeni grabbing a spade. so everyone got stuck in (with no time for texts even) BANG!! went something hard when jenis spade hit it. "i wonder what that is" she thought, scraping the earth away. "i think its bone, wow it is bone, hey guys come over here" she called. "wow whats that?" asked james. "i think its a dinosaur said debbie wisely. "yes i think your right" agreed joe.
"come on people back to work" said robyn, "keep digging tho jeni" she said. "well i think this is a good site, what do you think?"
said fatbob, looking at rii and ellie. "yeah i think its perfect, just on the perimeter as it should be" replied rii measuring.
"yup go for it" added eliie, swigging from her hipflask.
1330 hours, 17,03,2004
"lunch time" called reena from her tent. so they all sat down to chat over lunch. "now people" said joe opening his checkbook.
"matt hows the first barn going?" "not bad nearly finished infact, just got to thatch the roof, should have it done by today"
"excellent, tom how about the lab?" "yup nearly done too, if you give me a few more workers i will finish it today"
"ok have 5 of neils from the second barn, jeni is still uncovering the dinosaur so its taking a while anyway"
"ok will do" replied tom. "right fatbob, the pub?" "yup have all the foundations dug, can start the oversite now" said fatbob gobbing curry down his throat. "good and the farmhouse will be finished tomorrow i hope" said joe quite pleased with himself.
"building with timber sure is quick" said allen. "sure is, no waiting for things to dry" replied joe .
"right come on back to work i'm afraid" he said swallowing his last mouthfull of tea. so after lunch, they all got back to work for the final push. "right we're done" said matt throwing his hammer to the ground. "oouch" squeeled julia p as it hit her on the head.
"oh sorry jules, no offence" said matt feeling rather anal. "thats ok, ow that hurt tho" replied julia, rubbing her head hard.
"well you can come and help me if you like" said fatbob sweating hard, "oh never start catherine, i could of played for QPR"
he said. "really QPR? wow do you know tony adams?" replied catherine excitedly. "oh yeah" replied fatbob smirking, "and once i went to the moon" "really!! wow i can't believe it" "oh don't wind her up fatbob" said sophie chopping wood. "its not her fault shes gullible" "but its so fun" replied fatbob pouting. "right we're done too" said tom about 7pm. "right i think we better pack up for the night, its getting dark" said joe. "well done everyone" so everyone made their way into the village. "wow a wimpys" said jess.
"cool, oh joe can we go in wimpys? can we please?" she said. "ok why not, this ones on me" said joe flashing his money around.
"wikid i love wimpys" said bex strutting in. "wimpy burgers all round please, and frys on the side" said joe.
"can we have naans aswell" said sarah m, "we love naan" "ok but only half each" said joe. "and 23 naans please"
so when everyone was sat round and having funl, the food arrived. "ok people dig in" said joe licking his lips. "oi luke, only half a naan each mate" said joe. "ooh sorry mate" said luke biting hard. "no seriously luke, give me the naan" said joe standing up and trying to control his temper. "ok" said luke rather surprised. "have the damn naan"
2300 hours, 17,03,2004 24 hour wimpy restaurant.
"right come on people lets be off" said jess very satisfied indeed. "yeah come on, strip monopoly anyone?" asked julia lord.
"continue my unbeaten record" she added. "yeah go on then, aint played that for ages" said suz.
so back in the hut they all played strip monopoly, and scrabble. then it was off to bed reasonably early, to get up in time to finish the pub and second barn. "see you all in the morning then guys, sleep well, tomorrow we will play darts in our new pub!" said joe
walking towards his private quarters. "can i come with you please" asked debbie smiling. "i can't sleep in there, too much noise"
0630 hours, 18,03,2004 breakfast hall.
"well when we've eaten, we will all get stuck into the pub first thing i reckon" said joe, "before we all depart i have something to tell you all" said emily standing up proudly. "carlos and i are going to be parents!!" "arrr thats soo sweet" said debbie laughing,
"oh that voice of hers" said simon b, "cuts like a nife" "you'll get used to it, we all did" said suz sympatheticly.
"thats marvelous news" said joe raising his glass. "to emily and carlos, may all be well inside her" he said proudly.
so after breakfast everyone bar jeni who was still investigating the skeleton, went to work on the pub. "now people listen to fastbobs instructions, because he knows what the wants" said joe. "now" began fatbob. "we will want two bars, and a lounge area, plus a dart arena, and a nice roomy upstairs for me to live in" "its not fair fatbob gets his own house" complained emma g.
"yes well life isn't fair i guess" said wendy reading the highway code, "now i'm sure they didn't mention running people over in here"
she pondered. "don't worry wendy, if i can do it anyone can" said emma l. hammering two bits of wood together.
so that evening about 730, they finally finished, alion had been off in the lab most of the day with louise, trying to work out how to make nozzles non toxic. "well people, well done you've all worked very hard" said joe puffing after all his excertion."yes i name this pub the mug and nonce" shouted fatbob, swinging a bottle of jack daniels at the front door. "HOORAY" everyone shouted at once. "come on everyone lets have a pint"