DARLING, SHE HASN'T GOT THE RANGE!! I LOVE HER TO BITS DARLING, BUT SHE HASN'T GOT THE RANGE!!
chapter 22
an unforgettable discovery.
1700 hours, 15,06,2004. living room.
"oh my goodness!!" said Debbie almost in tears. "what are we going to do Joe" said robyn equally afraid. "I don't know guys, I really don't if the..... wait a sec something else is coming up" Joe stood staring at the screen. THE BRINGER OF DEATH IS AMONG U. 4 HE CAME OF THE CLINGFILM... 238648484. "what the hell does that mean" said suz walking in hearing all the commotion. "wait a minute, wait one damn minute" said Arthur. "what?" asked jules impatiently. "well who brought us the special nozzles?" he said. "well we grew them....... MATT!!! Essex boy brought them in his trunk" said Joe thinking very hard. as they were all wondering what to do, ellie came rushing in. "its cracknel they got him, they got him!" she said. "just a minute who, who got him?" asked Joe, as everyone came piling into the living room. "the fish people, they snatched him from the river! but they were different they looked evil and almost like robots!" she said sobbing. "the computers" said Debbie. "they've become self aware!!"
everyone stood still and quite for while. "I wonder what the numbers mean" said reena scratching violently. "I don't know maybe some sort of code for something" said jess. "well it must be important, I'll write it down" said Joe pulling out his notebook.
"right well I think we should destroy the computer before it does too much damage" said Debbie looking damn fine! "well I agree lets do it" agreed robyn.
1746 hours, 15,06,2004. back of barn.
so everyone except pasty and the band, congregated outside to destroy the evil computer. "now I think we should smash it first, then burn it, and then of course finally bury it" said Joe thinking hard. (something very hard for him to do!) so everyone smashed up the computer and burned it well. "well people what now?" asked freeman, "well we could always do your hair and dress you up in a pretty frock, simonettea!" said Luke. "well that would delightful!.. shut up boy!" replied freeman. so everyone retired to the house to discuss the situation. "well I think we need to be very careful from now on" said bidge putting the kettle on. "yes and we must finish the spacecraft as soon as possible" added Anna teaching a tortoise to play badminton! "well we could use it as some sort of laser if we designed one" suggested jess. "yes but on the other hand we could simply make a huge giraffe out of semolina and fill it with sugar mice, and then we" "no robyn" said jeni getting annoyed. "giant stuff might work on evil rabbits but not super efficient intelligent killing machines" she added. "is it just me, or is this whole situation rather like the terminator films?" asked Emily suspiciously. "well yes and no really, there weren't nozzles in the terminator" pondered bigmore. "now that would of been a movie worth watching" added sophie. "now look everyone lets concentrate on the job at hand shall we" said Joe in an important voice. "which is?" asked Debbie. "to finish building the spacecraft, test it out using byork, and then try to destroy the computers in the fish land, while trying not to get killed" he replied analy. "one things for sure, I'm never going anywhere with Joe again!" said ellie. "there been nothing but trouble" she added. "lets be fair" said louise, "its bidge's fault aswell, if it wasn't for her damn books!"
"now now lets not argue over who's fault it is" said tom firmly. "yes nows a time for rallying together" agreed viki.
"viki's right! its everyman for himself!" shouted wilko waving a club in the air! "do you ever actually listen?" asked louise despairingly. "huh men" she added. so everyone rallied round and, played strip monopoly.
1000 hours, 18,06, 2004. workshop.
so as the days went by, everyone worked non stop on the spacecraft. there was no more upheaval from the computers. and no-one had been able to get into see the fish people. though Arthur, Catherine and jules had tried a couple more times. pasty and the guys had returned and been filled in with the crazy news, fatbob had to sit down and have another shot of heroin to get over the shock!
so the day finally came on the 21st of the fine month of may when the spacecraft was ready to test. "well people lets test this thing, I think we have done everything but first we shall just run through the checklist" said Joe pulling out his pad again.
"right, onboard navigation" "check" said Julia p excitedly. "good, main fuel bay. good. engine cooling system, anti evil rabbit proof outer shell" "check" said robyn proudly. "good. on board computer, ejector thrusters, food lock chamber, giant connect 4!, good.
creative jenga, entire pixies album collection, nice pleated throws for the sofa, good. hamster wheel in case of boredom. good"
so when everything was checked and nothing had been forgotten. it was time for lift off. "well people lets do it, Luke get byork!!"
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