LIKE YOU
1800 hours, 13,05,2004. farmhouse, jules room.
so everyone went to see how jules was getting on. "hows it going jules?" asked joe analy. "not too bad not too bad, these special nozzles seem to disperse some sort of healing chemical" replied jules up to her elbows in fish. "what exactly is wrong with him?" asked pasty. "well its some sort of liver and lung condition. i think it may of come about due to the polution back in tollyhot river" answered reena stitching away happily. "well i think your doing very well, both of you" said joe, "i knew those nozzles would do the trick" he said. "how come you knew?" asked arthur suspiciously. "well i just had a feeling really" replied joe awkwardly. "mm" pondered arthur. "well lets get some horses bought" said onion to viki. "yes lets get to it, carlos, you coming to arrange some buying?" asked viki. "yes of course my dears, lets get to it" replied carlos, quite looking forward to showing off his horse knowledge
1015 hours, 14,05,2004. main situation chamber (living room)
"well bidge lets get this book online shall we" said debbie rubbing her hands together. "yes lets give it a go, i'll get the kettle on while you boot her up" said bidge heading for the kitchen. "yes i'll try my new updated publishing software" said debbie pulling out a disk from her pc bag. "well robyn shall we continue our research into the strange healing power of the nozzle" said alion finshing breakfast. "yes i think we shall" said robyn, rubbing savlon into her eyebrows. "how are the eyebrows after yesterday robyn?" asked emily rubbing her now quite enormous tummy!! "well their a bit scratched and bruised but not too bad thanks, i'm giving them a break from fatbob for a day or so" replied robyn. "oh good, i hoped you would" said emily. "hows the baby anyway?" asked catherine. "not bad thanks, a bit kicky at the moment though" so onion and viki (with carlos's help) were off buying horses. emma was checking over the working cattle. and the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers were having another band practice.
"fatbob do you have to keep shooting up while we practice" said pasty flamboyantly playing the guitar. "yes well wilko sells it so cheap.... so yes, yes i do" meanwhile debbie was having a lot of problems with her pc. "i just don't understand, it keeps coming up with errors, i think there's some sort of software bug. "well i hope it doesn't loose any important information" said bidge, checking over her book, while stirring a teapot vigouresly.
1200 hours, 14,05,2004. louises's room.
"well wendy, looks like we've lost again" said louise as energy cleared up at monopoly again. just then emma came trotting in.
"i'm afraid bonko the bull is very unwell" she said looking a bit worried. "oh well i better go have a look" said louise. "come on wendy" down at the cattle barn bonko looked very tired. "well lets have a look" said louise, getting out her stethoskope (apoligies to those "medical" people who will be annoyed by the spelling) "yes i think we will have to opperate imediately" agreed wendy.
meanwhile king steve was looking and feeling much better. he even got a visit from the village chief. "you wanna whiskey yes, mm good whiskey this be" said barry smiling and holding himself up by holding grimly onto the curtains. "yeah i'm ok thanks chief" replied steve, not quite ready for alcohol just yet! "oh i'll go for some though" said arthur strolling in, "mm sweet whiskey"
1314 hours, 14,05,2004. filberts barn.
"you know filberts quite a nice vegesaur when you get to know him" jess said to jeni, playing rock, paper, scissors with filbert.
"yeah he's not too bad a guy is he, i'm glad he stopped being a murderous killer" agreed jeni flicking through some useful notes on dinosaurs. "its all thanks to robyns eyebrows at the end of the day, i do hope their ok, i may send them some flowers" said jess.
"yes quite, very brave facial hairs they were" said jeni. "come on jess lets get bidge to make us some tea" so jess and jeni came to see how debs and bidge were doing. "hows it going debs, any luck yet?" asked jeni. "well it seems to be working now, i'm just spell checking it through" replied debbie, still not quite satisfied. "hey guys" said luke walking in. "have you seen some shackles anywhere around?" no not recently luke, why?" replied emily eating gherkin and honey sandwiches. "well byork keeps trying to escape, and next week we need her to come on the pilchard pokers zambian tour" "well will you let her go after that?" enquired emily. "er.......... no"
Friday, 22 February 2002
Tuesday, 12 February 2002
CHAPTER 16 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. WHAT A BUSY DAY!! I'D RATHER JUST HAVE A PINT!
chapter 16
dino of death!
1000 hours, 13,05,2004. nozzle barn.
as if by magic hundreds of fish geezers came pouring out of the surounding woods!! "right lets sort these baboons" said mondu, leading the rabble. "so wheres fondu?" shouted arthur over the din of baboons chattering. "i'm afraid he died last year of a gill infection" replied a small butterflyfish, charging through the barn doors! so all the fish people went piling into the barn and began to club the baboons to death!! "joe why are they called fish people, when they are blatently just fish" asked pasty. "well i don't know to be honest paste my friend." replied joe, peering through the window. "well they do hover and breath air" added debbie. "yes but we don't hover debs" said suz holding onto bigmore. "yeah you just stay there sweet mumma" said bigmore, slyly buying heroin off wilko. so what came to be known as the great battle of fish people and baboons went on, and all but the mightiest warriors fell. and lo! the battle ended and the fish people were triumphant. "oh steve you big carp, how can we ever repay you?" asked joe in an important voice. "well jules can make me better, as she promised" replied steve. "why of course i will try" said jules heaving baboons onto a big fire. "good let it begin" said steve.
1325 hours, 13,05,2004. dinosaur storage barn.
so as jules, and reena with her amazing yet sometimes unorthodox surgical know-how began their work on steve the king carp.
jess and jeni went back to the barn to see jeni's dinosaur. "i think i will call him filbert" said jeni staring up at him. "sounds very apt for a dinosaur" jess said agreeingly. "is that a nozzle plant growing out of his eye" said luke walking in mysteriously. "what do you mean luke?" asked jess. "look, up there he has something green growing out of his eyes" said luke again. "what are you doing here anyway?" asked jeni."well i came to get some fish heads for byork actually" said luke, "shes started demanding food, i mean i ask you" "yes luke ok, you just look after poor old byork" said jess. but as jeni and jess began to beat luke playfully with a tube of cheese and chive pringles. filbert slowly began to turn his head, his eyes began glowing bright nozzle green. "er jess....." what luke?" asked jess. "the..the... dinosaur!!" said luke running out the barn door. "oh dear" said jeni shaking. filbert began to pull its arms and legs off its chains! and came crashing towards jess and jeni! "shit were in for it now" said jeni quaking in her stout plimsoles. "what the hell is going on here" said matt. (who was out for a run) "i'm afraid filberts gone quite mad" said jess loading her gun. "i'll say, maybe it likes sultanas" said matt jossling in his bag. "this is no time for novelty snacks man" said jess. "yet get a grip you fool" said jeni smacking him with the back of her hand. but just then filbert leaned down, and snatched matt straight of the floor!! "right theres nothing for it" said jess firing her gun empty. "lets run for it, we have to get joe" so as jeni and jess ran from the barn and matts blood came raining down apon their haeds. tom came bounding down the track. "luke told me what was happening, what the hell did you water it with?" he said panting. "just do something tom" replied jess. "yes help us tom, we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas" agreed jeni. "well i could try using my amazing mokason power" said tom pondering. "yes but we may need something that actually works" said jeni. just then robyns eyebrows came steaming up behind tom. "never fear for eyebrow power is here" said the eyebrows storming into the barn. "wow is there anything those eyebrows can't do" said suz walking up. "i guess not" said tom slipping on a fresh pair of mokasons. so with much howling and moaning filbert was subdued and robyns eyebrows were triumphant once again. "well what a day" said jess, wiping matts blood of her top. "yes i guess we see how filbert is" said jeni cautiously strolling into the barn. inside robyns eyebrows and filbert were shooting up and having a fag. both looking rather knackered! "i do apologise jeni, my behaviour was totally out of order" said filbert. "that ok filbert, but i don't understand how your alive let alone a athlete killing maniac" replied jeni. "never mind everybody. lets all get a kebab" said joe waltzing in, like some sort of showbiz queer.
1400 hours, 13,15,2004. kebab shop.
"well everyone, what an eventfull day its been" said ellie, sitting on cracknels knee. "yes but i'm afraid we can't afford to do everything we were going to, at the moment" said joe downing a guiness extra cold. "due to the unforeseen baboon unpleasentness, we can only finance the stud farm, onion i comission you to take comand on this matter" he said thinking hard. "with great vigour i will" replied onion. "well i reckon i can do all the publishing on bidges book, on my pc now" said debbie. "oh i do hope so" said bidge. "that renminds me, on a totally diferant matter" said energy. "hows jules and reena doing with king steve?" "i don't know actually, there the only people not here" said anna, taming a talking lion with nothing but a bread stick and teaching it to play chess aswell! "well i guess we should go see where those fish people got to" said joe getting up. "wow! your getting up, look everyone joes moving!, tell the papers" said ellie smirking. "yes anyway, matt2 why are you wearing le'coste trainers a nike baseball cap, and a thick gold bracelet, while driving a high backed transit van?" asked alion inquireingly. "because i'm essex boy" replied matt simply. "oh well that clears that up then" said alion. "to the fish people!"
dino of death!
1000 hours, 13,05,2004. nozzle barn.
as if by magic hundreds of fish geezers came pouring out of the surounding woods!! "right lets sort these baboons" said mondu, leading the rabble. "so wheres fondu?" shouted arthur over the din of baboons chattering. "i'm afraid he died last year of a gill infection" replied a small butterflyfish, charging through the barn doors! so all the fish people went piling into the barn and began to club the baboons to death!! "joe why are they called fish people, when they are blatently just fish" asked pasty. "well i don't know to be honest paste my friend." replied joe, peering through the window. "well they do hover and breath air" added debbie. "yes but we don't hover debs" said suz holding onto bigmore. "yeah you just stay there sweet mumma" said bigmore, slyly buying heroin off wilko. so what came to be known as the great battle of fish people and baboons went on, and all but the mightiest warriors fell. and lo! the battle ended and the fish people were triumphant. "oh steve you big carp, how can we ever repay you?" asked joe in an important voice. "well jules can make me better, as she promised" replied steve. "why of course i will try" said jules heaving baboons onto a big fire. "good let it begin" said steve.
1325 hours, 13,05,2004. dinosaur storage barn.
so as jules, and reena with her amazing yet sometimes unorthodox surgical know-how began their work on steve the king carp.
jess and jeni went back to the barn to see jeni's dinosaur. "i think i will call him filbert" said jeni staring up at him. "sounds very apt for a dinosaur" jess said agreeingly. "is that a nozzle plant growing out of his eye" said luke walking in mysteriously. "what do you mean luke?" asked jess. "look, up there he has something green growing out of his eyes" said luke again. "what are you doing here anyway?" asked jeni."well i came to get some fish heads for byork actually" said luke, "shes started demanding food, i mean i ask you" "yes luke ok, you just look after poor old byork" said jess. but as jeni and jess began to beat luke playfully with a tube of cheese and chive pringles. filbert slowly began to turn his head, his eyes began glowing bright nozzle green. "er jess....." what luke?" asked jess. "the..the... dinosaur!!" said luke running out the barn door. "oh dear" said jeni shaking. filbert began to pull its arms and legs off its chains! and came crashing towards jess and jeni! "shit were in for it now" said jeni quaking in her stout plimsoles. "what the hell is going on here" said matt. (who was out for a run) "i'm afraid filberts gone quite mad" said jess loading her gun. "i'll say, maybe it likes sultanas" said matt jossling in his bag. "this is no time for novelty snacks man" said jess. "yet get a grip you fool" said jeni smacking him with the back of her hand. but just then filbert leaned down, and snatched matt straight of the floor!! "right theres nothing for it" said jess firing her gun empty. "lets run for it, we have to get joe" so as jeni and jess ran from the barn and matts blood came raining down apon their haeds. tom came bounding down the track. "luke told me what was happening, what the hell did you water it with?" he said panting. "just do something tom" replied jess. "yes help us tom, we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas" agreed jeni. "well i could try using my amazing mokason power" said tom pondering. "yes but we may need something that actually works" said jeni. just then robyns eyebrows came steaming up behind tom. "never fear for eyebrow power is here" said the eyebrows storming into the barn. "wow is there anything those eyebrows can't do" said suz walking up. "i guess not" said tom slipping on a fresh pair of mokasons. so with much howling and moaning filbert was subdued and robyns eyebrows were triumphant once again. "well what a day" said jess, wiping matts blood of her top. "yes i guess we see how filbert is" said jeni cautiously strolling into the barn. inside robyns eyebrows and filbert were shooting up and having a fag. both looking rather knackered! "i do apologise jeni, my behaviour was totally out of order" said filbert. "that ok filbert, but i don't understand how your alive let alone a athlete killing maniac" replied jeni. "never mind everybody. lets all get a kebab" said joe waltzing in, like some sort of showbiz queer.
1400 hours, 13,15,2004. kebab shop.
"well everyone, what an eventfull day its been" said ellie, sitting on cracknels knee. "yes but i'm afraid we can't afford to do everything we were going to, at the moment" said joe downing a guiness extra cold. "due to the unforeseen baboon unpleasentness, we can only finance the stud farm, onion i comission you to take comand on this matter" he said thinking hard. "with great vigour i will" replied onion. "well i reckon i can do all the publishing on bidges book, on my pc now" said debbie. "oh i do hope so" said bidge. "that renminds me, on a totally diferant matter" said energy. "hows jules and reena doing with king steve?" "i don't know actually, there the only people not here" said anna, taming a talking lion with nothing but a bread stick and teaching it to play chess aswell! "well i guess we should go see where those fish people got to" said joe getting up. "wow! your getting up, look everyone joes moving!, tell the papers" said ellie smirking. "yes anyway, matt2 why are you wearing le'coste trainers a nike baseball cap, and a thick gold bracelet, while driving a high backed transit van?" asked alion inquireingly. "because i'm essex boy" replied matt simply. "oh well that clears that up then" said alion. "to the fish people!"
Friday, 1 February 2002
CHAPTER 15 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. POKERS REVIEW
1800 hours, 11,05,2004. mug and nonce
so everyone gathered at the mug and nonce. and julia p fell down the backstage stairs! and broke her wrist. "oh come along julia" said viki exasperated. "viki?" asked julia p, picking herself up. "do i actually have a purpose in this story or does joe just not know how to write good storys?" i think he's just trying to think of one mate" replied viki buying yet another pint of carling, "oh right fair enough" said julia p purchasing a baileys. "right onion" said fatbob quickly scofffing a kebab, "you get your drumkit out of the van, i'll just get the amps, pasty! wheres that lead" "coming coming" replied pasty stuffing "oboe monthly" down his trousers and coming out of the toilet. "onion" said fatbob lighting up, "why are you wearing nothing but a bikini and a serong?" "o i thought you might like it" replied onion winking. "who's the daddy now!!" said fatbob puffing hard. so everyone got set up, alion broke her stool and had to stand for the whole gig! matt was blinding on his guitar, pasty stole the show with his 11 minute acoustic melody, and fatbob just tried to relive the sixties playing hits from the kinks and pink floyd. "ok guys were gonna take a brake now" said pasty after half an hour or so, so everyone went to bar, arthur bought guiness number 9! suzanne had tried every shot and chaser for sale. and fatbob was buying julia p another bicardi. "go on julia have another it is a wednesday" said fatbob flashing his rolls of fiftys. "where do you get so much money bob?" asked matt playing with his goatee. "oh just working very hard" replied fatbob. "you've never worked a day in your life" said luke lighting pound cions inside a pint glass. "when i was a lad i had to get up 4 hours before i went to bed, work all day in the mines for 27 hours, come home, which was a paper bag on the m1 and then my dad would beat me with with a iron bar!" he said. "calm down luke, you know none of that is true" said tom, trying to remember what jess's vodka orange lemon soda pineapple white wine white snake and black spritzer contained. "i'm sorry, i don't know what your talking about tom" said ellie totally confused behind the bar. "so the evening drew to a close and nigh the nazgual flew over the plains of the pellonair, and fell it was a cold night to whence shadowfaw rode bade to high lands beyond the calls of man nore elves....."
"joe please don't take any offense, but why are you talking such complete and utter bollocks?" asked wendy. "sorry just got carried away" answered joe anally. "come on wendy" said emma, "lets go before things turn ugly" and as energy started throwing chairs around, and bidge began to tip ashtrays all over the floor. everyone began to agree. "wells been a good evening everyone" said joe in an important voice. "apart from bidge and energys appauling behaviour, lets go home and playt some games"
0730 hours, 13,05,2004. breakfast room.
"morning joe" said bidge walking down the stairs, "cup of tea?" "thats very kind of you bidge, yes please. you don't often offer me tea nowadays" replied joe reading his "kinky clown 2002 annual" "well sinse i've found my new talent of writng and drawing i don't time to run around making tea" replied bidge sadly brewing away. "yes sad isn't really" "i guess so" added bidge.
"morning bidge" said debbie jumping down the stairs in her penguin pyjamas. "morning debs" replied bidge. "well i hope everyone else gets up soon, i have to announce our profits for the year" said joe eating another slice of toast. "and we have to sort our nozzles out in the barn" said alion running down the stairs. "yes very true ali" answered joe. so when everyone had gathered and had a suitably large breakfast, especially arthur and fatbob. joe stood on the back of a juvenile warthog to make his announcements. "well people, generally there is very good news. we have enough money for bidge to publish her book, and enough for viki and onion to start their stud farm, and carlos has said he knows some very good horse dealers" said joe nearlry falling off his warthog with all the excitement. "well thats brilliant" said bogmore, we can all buy fast cars then" "erm not quite bigmore, we still need a lot of research into the special nozzle" joe reminded everyone.
0945 hours, 13,05,2004. outside main nozzle storage barn.
"well lets have a final count people, then we can devide the nozzles into what we're keeping and what we're going to sell, which with all these projects is going to be most of them i'm afraid" said joe unlocking all the padlocks. "ar what! i need my nozzle splifs man" said jules looking desperate. "i know jules, we all need our splifs" said anna, comfortingly while simultaneously juggling flaming torches, playing the piano, riding a rhino and playing the mouth organ!! "wow that girl gets more interesting every day" commented becca stroking the rhino. "right we're in" said joe swinging wide the doors. "oh my goodness" said reena fainting.
the whole barn was full of mad chattering babboons!! "oh no the've eaten all the nozzles" said jess reduced to tears, "but their so sweet!!" added debbie, look at their little faces!!" "debbie this is no time for squinting" said louise, "we have to kill them all now"
"i agree with louise, but how" said reena recovering somewhat from her fall. "we need some sort of outside help" said alion lighting her pipe. "like the fish kind" "steve!! your here" said jules in amazment. "yes i have come for my nozzle treatment, but it looks like you need more help than me" answered steve a bit out of breath, "this atmosphere is not too good for my lungs" "how do you survive without water steve?" asked louise, opening her notebook. "well we don't need it, where we come from originally" "shoosh" snapped joe, "oops" said steve, everyone looked bewildered. "anyway lets sort these baboons out" said steve. "mondu! bring forth the masses!"
so everyone gathered at the mug and nonce. and julia p fell down the backstage stairs! and broke her wrist. "oh come along julia" said viki exasperated. "viki?" asked julia p, picking herself up. "do i actually have a purpose in this story or does joe just not know how to write good storys?" i think he's just trying to think of one mate" replied viki buying yet another pint of carling, "oh right fair enough" said julia p purchasing a baileys. "right onion" said fatbob quickly scofffing a kebab, "you get your drumkit out of the van, i'll just get the amps, pasty! wheres that lead" "coming coming" replied pasty stuffing "oboe monthly" down his trousers and coming out of the toilet. "onion" said fatbob lighting up, "why are you wearing nothing but a bikini and a serong?" "o i thought you might like it" replied onion winking. "who's the daddy now!!" said fatbob puffing hard. so everyone got set up, alion broke her stool and had to stand for the whole gig! matt was blinding on his guitar, pasty stole the show with his 11 minute acoustic melody, and fatbob just tried to relive the sixties playing hits from the kinks and pink floyd. "ok guys were gonna take a brake now" said pasty after half an hour or so, so everyone went to bar, arthur bought guiness number 9! suzanne had tried every shot and chaser for sale. and fatbob was buying julia p another bicardi. "go on julia have another it is a wednesday" said fatbob flashing his rolls of fiftys. "where do you get so much money bob?" asked matt playing with his goatee. "oh just working very hard" replied fatbob. "you've never worked a day in your life" said luke lighting pound cions inside a pint glass. "when i was a lad i had to get up 4 hours before i went to bed, work all day in the mines for 27 hours, come home, which was a paper bag on the m1 and then my dad would beat me with with a iron bar!" he said. "calm down luke, you know none of that is true" said tom, trying to remember what jess's vodka orange lemon soda pineapple white wine white snake and black spritzer contained. "i'm sorry, i don't know what your talking about tom" said ellie totally confused behind the bar. "so the evening drew to a close and nigh the nazgual flew over the plains of the pellonair, and fell it was a cold night to whence shadowfaw rode bade to high lands beyond the calls of man nore elves....."
"joe please don't take any offense, but why are you talking such complete and utter bollocks?" asked wendy. "sorry just got carried away" answered joe anally. "come on wendy" said emma, "lets go before things turn ugly" and as energy started throwing chairs around, and bidge began to tip ashtrays all over the floor. everyone began to agree. "wells been a good evening everyone" said joe in an important voice. "apart from bidge and energys appauling behaviour, lets go home and playt some games"
0730 hours, 13,05,2004. breakfast room.
"morning joe" said bidge walking down the stairs, "cup of tea?" "thats very kind of you bidge, yes please. you don't often offer me tea nowadays" replied joe reading his "kinky clown 2002 annual" "well sinse i've found my new talent of writng and drawing i don't time to run around making tea" replied bidge sadly brewing away. "yes sad isn't really" "i guess so" added bidge.
"morning bidge" said debbie jumping down the stairs in her penguin pyjamas. "morning debs" replied bidge. "well i hope everyone else gets up soon, i have to announce our profits for the year" said joe eating another slice of toast. "and we have to sort our nozzles out in the barn" said alion running down the stairs. "yes very true ali" answered joe. so when everyone had gathered and had a suitably large breakfast, especially arthur and fatbob. joe stood on the back of a juvenile warthog to make his announcements. "well people, generally there is very good news. we have enough money for bidge to publish her book, and enough for viki and onion to start their stud farm, and carlos has said he knows some very good horse dealers" said joe nearlry falling off his warthog with all the excitement. "well thats brilliant" said bogmore, we can all buy fast cars then" "erm not quite bigmore, we still need a lot of research into the special nozzle" joe reminded everyone.
0945 hours, 13,05,2004. outside main nozzle storage barn.
"well lets have a final count people, then we can devide the nozzles into what we're keeping and what we're going to sell, which with all these projects is going to be most of them i'm afraid" said joe unlocking all the padlocks. "ar what! i need my nozzle splifs man" said jules looking desperate. "i know jules, we all need our splifs" said anna, comfortingly while simultaneously juggling flaming torches, playing the piano, riding a rhino and playing the mouth organ!! "wow that girl gets more interesting every day" commented becca stroking the rhino. "right we're in" said joe swinging wide the doors. "oh my goodness" said reena fainting.
the whole barn was full of mad chattering babboons!! "oh no the've eaten all the nozzles" said jess reduced to tears, "but their so sweet!!" added debbie, look at their little faces!!" "debbie this is no time for squinting" said louise, "we have to kill them all now"
"i agree with louise, but how" said reena recovering somewhat from her fall. "we need some sort of outside help" said alion lighting her pipe. "like the fish kind" "steve!! your here" said jules in amazment. "yes i have come for my nozzle treatment, but it looks like you need more help than me" answered steve a bit out of breath, "this atmosphere is not too good for my lungs" "how do you survive without water steve?" asked louise, opening her notebook. "well we don't need it, where we come from originally" "shoosh" snapped joe, "oops" said steve, everyone looked bewildered. "anyway lets sort these baboons out" said steve. "mondu! bring forth the masses!"
Tuesday, 29 January 2002
CHAPTER 14 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. JAMES CRACKNEL AND THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE
1515 hours, 08,05,2004. under the ledge.
so arthur picked up a six foot piece of driftwood lodged under the ledge, and preceded to thump and wack the obstruction.
just then something fell of the obstruction and came crashing into the water! and then another! and then another! "you nonce arhur" shouted jules as came to the surface. "you've just killed three of members of the british boat race team" "oh damn, how was i supposed to know" replied arthur surfacing. "anyway lets get out of here" said jules pulling herself onto the bank. "look theres someone else on the boat" said arthur also scrambling ashore. "oh you nonce arthur, i do hope he's ok" said jules taking a look. "well i never its james cracknel" she said astonished. just then ellie came strolling down the path, "hiya" she said. "i was just taking a brisk walk, blimey!! its james cracknel, what the hell is he doing here? and in a unconcious state aswell by the looks of things" she said taking a "closer" look. "i'm afraid i smashed him in the face with a piece of wood" apologised arthur lighting a splif. "oh well never mind" said ellie throwing mr cracknel over her shoulder. "i'm sure i can sort him out" so off wandered ellie back to the house. "well i think we better tell joe all about this, and about steve coming" said jules. "yes i agree" said arthur drying his hair.
1600 hours, 08,05,2004. farmhouse.
joe was sitting in the lounge caressing "that" clown, and working out his accounts, when arthur and jules came running in!
"hey joe, we went to see steve and everyone, but steves not well" said jules. "yes and he's coming here, and jules reckons we can make him better with your special nozzle" added arthur. "and what else happened this afternoon arthur?" asked jules looking angry. "oh yeah and i killed a few ppl with a big piece of wood" said arthur quitely, and walking offf. "you did what!?" said joe throwing the clown off his lap. "well we couldn't get out from under the ledge, and we couldn't hold our breaths much longer, so i smaked the thing a few times with a big piece of wood.... well how was i supposed to know it was the olympic rowing team!!" he said indignant. "i agree with arthur" said onion walking in."how was he supposed to know" "ok ok, so was there any survivers?" asked joe in an important voice. "yes" said james cracknel limping through the french doors. "hi i'm james cracknel" he said.
"yes i saved him" said ellie following him into the lounge, "that nozzle gin is brilliant for cuts and bruises" and it tastes good too" added cracknel. so everyone was introduced to cracknel and there were many a joke cracked, and many a fell story told and lo the evening drew nigh to an end. when suddenly jules leaped up from the table. "thats it arthur, i'm sorry but i can't go out with murderer" "ok fine, but its only been five" said arthur, not quite sure what all the fuss was about. "five" said bidge. "i thought there was three" "oh yeah three thats right" said arthur shutting up quickly.
1400 hours, 10,05,2004. jeni's dinosaur barn.
so the days went by, cracknel told all his storys about boat racing, ellie tended to all his cuts and bruises. and more nozzle gin was applied. it happpened that the boat race team were training for the olympics in zambia, because the britsih board of sport funding were very tight arsed and it was cheap to stay in zambia. anyway jeni and jess were moistening jeni's dinosaur. "this dinosaur is so cool" said jess spraying with a hoze. "it is rather wicked isn't it" said jeni. "if only it was alive like terrence was, i miss terrence" said jeni wiping away a tear. "oh well he may visit us again one day" said jess "but then again i think he was killed by the aliens" said jess feeling awkward. "sorry i guess that doesn't help" she said looking at the skeleton a bit closer. "but you know jeni, theres something rather sinister about this dinosaur" "mm maybe" said jeni moistening vigerously. "its almost as if its SELF AWARE" said luke harrowingly. "where'd you come from luke" said jeni. "you nearly scared me half to death creeping up on us like that" "sorry" said luke blending into the backround. "i do worry about that man" said jess.
1500 hours, 11,05,2004. farmhouse.
so came the day of the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers debut gig. and everyone was very excited. even dan was sort of looking forward to it! "well fatbob when can we start, and how long can we play for?" asked alion. "yes i want to play my new 11 minute acoustic melody" added pasty flicking through a "finest oboe's" order catologue. "whats that your reading pasty?" asked suzanne (who was featuring in one of their songs) "oh just a book on jimi hendrix" replied pasty cautiously. "fair enough" she said. " i'm quite looking forward playing my violin" "yes i'm sure you'll do spiffingly" said robyn warming up her eyebrows for fatbob. "well" said joe. "that the last of the gear. lets go"
so arthur picked up a six foot piece of driftwood lodged under the ledge, and preceded to thump and wack the obstruction.
just then something fell of the obstruction and came crashing into the water! and then another! and then another! "you nonce arhur" shouted jules as came to the surface. "you've just killed three of members of the british boat race team" "oh damn, how was i supposed to know" replied arthur surfacing. "anyway lets get out of here" said jules pulling herself onto the bank. "look theres someone else on the boat" said arthur also scrambling ashore. "oh you nonce arthur, i do hope he's ok" said jules taking a look. "well i never its james cracknel" she said astonished. just then ellie came strolling down the path, "hiya" she said. "i was just taking a brisk walk, blimey!! its james cracknel, what the hell is he doing here? and in a unconcious state aswell by the looks of things" she said taking a "closer" look. "i'm afraid i smashed him in the face with a piece of wood" apologised arthur lighting a splif. "oh well never mind" said ellie throwing mr cracknel over her shoulder. "i'm sure i can sort him out" so off wandered ellie back to the house. "well i think we better tell joe all about this, and about steve coming" said jules. "yes i agree" said arthur drying his hair.
1600 hours, 08,05,2004. farmhouse.
joe was sitting in the lounge caressing "that" clown, and working out his accounts, when arthur and jules came running in!
"hey joe, we went to see steve and everyone, but steves not well" said jules. "yes and he's coming here, and jules reckons we can make him better with your special nozzle" added arthur. "and what else happened this afternoon arthur?" asked jules looking angry. "oh yeah and i killed a few ppl with a big piece of wood" said arthur quitely, and walking offf. "you did what!?" said joe throwing the clown off his lap. "well we couldn't get out from under the ledge, and we couldn't hold our breaths much longer, so i smaked the thing a few times with a big piece of wood.... well how was i supposed to know it was the olympic rowing team!!" he said indignant. "i agree with arthur" said onion walking in."how was he supposed to know" "ok ok, so was there any survivers?" asked joe in an important voice. "yes" said james cracknel limping through the french doors. "hi i'm james cracknel" he said.
"yes i saved him" said ellie following him into the lounge, "that nozzle gin is brilliant for cuts and bruises" and it tastes good too" added cracknel. so everyone was introduced to cracknel and there were many a joke cracked, and many a fell story told and lo the evening drew nigh to an end. when suddenly jules leaped up from the table. "thats it arthur, i'm sorry but i can't go out with murderer" "ok fine, but its only been five" said arthur, not quite sure what all the fuss was about. "five" said bidge. "i thought there was three" "oh yeah three thats right" said arthur shutting up quickly.
1400 hours, 10,05,2004. jeni's dinosaur barn.
so the days went by, cracknel told all his storys about boat racing, ellie tended to all his cuts and bruises. and more nozzle gin was applied. it happpened that the boat race team were training for the olympics in zambia, because the britsih board of sport funding were very tight arsed and it was cheap to stay in zambia. anyway jeni and jess were moistening jeni's dinosaur. "this dinosaur is so cool" said jess spraying with a hoze. "it is rather wicked isn't it" said jeni. "if only it was alive like terrence was, i miss terrence" said jeni wiping away a tear. "oh well he may visit us again one day" said jess "but then again i think he was killed by the aliens" said jess feeling awkward. "sorry i guess that doesn't help" she said looking at the skeleton a bit closer. "but you know jeni, theres something rather sinister about this dinosaur" "mm maybe" said jeni moistening vigerously. "its almost as if its SELF AWARE" said luke harrowingly. "where'd you come from luke" said jeni. "you nearly scared me half to death creeping up on us like that" "sorry" said luke blending into the backround. "i do worry about that man" said jess.
1500 hours, 11,05,2004. farmhouse.
so came the day of the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers debut gig. and everyone was very excited. even dan was sort of looking forward to it! "well fatbob when can we start, and how long can we play for?" asked alion. "yes i want to play my new 11 minute acoustic melody" added pasty flicking through a "finest oboe's" order catologue. "whats that your reading pasty?" asked suzanne (who was featuring in one of their songs) "oh just a book on jimi hendrix" replied pasty cautiously. "fair enough" she said. " i'm quite looking forward playing my violin" "yes i'm sure you'll do spiffingly" said robyn warming up her eyebrows for fatbob. "well" said joe. "that the last of the gear. lets go"
Sunday, 13 January 2002
CHAPTER 13 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. PLANT OF MAGIC
0900 hours, 06,05,2004. farm lab.
"well i don't think i've ever seen anything like it in my life" said alion baffled. "no me too ali, i think we should disect one and see what comes up there" said robyn pondering herself. "yes i agree"said louise taking a skalpel. "right here go's" she said slicing at a nozzle stem. "now why won't that cut?" wandered louise. "are you sure you have a sharp knife?" asked alion. "yes its brand new" replied louise. "i'll try another one" decided robyn. but to no avail could any of them cut open any nozzles nor any stems.
"i think we should get joe in here" suggested alion lighting up with all the stress. so robyn went off to get joe and brought him straight back. "well i never" he said as he heard all their stories. "and this is the most amazing thing" said louise holding a huge nozzle about 5"s long and glowing bright. "well these must be some sort of magical seeds." he said wandering.
"i wander what all this is about" said debbie walking in, and putting her computer bag down on the side by the nozzles.
"hows the computing going debs?" asked robyn. "not bad i reackon i can get a pc that can practically do anything, within a few months anyway" she said. "i'm waiting for my next instalment of my course now anyway" "well we're going to carry on with some tests" said louise. "righteo" said joe. "yup we'll leave you to it" agreed debs trotting off down the path.
1330 hours, 06,05,2004. eating hall.
in the eating hall everyone was having lunch, when the doorbell rang loudly. "i'll get it" said jess strolling up to the door.
"hello and who may you be?" jess asked a strange man. "hi, is babe there? i miss ya babe. your big and your good and your a woman and i love you, its wednesday babe come home." "ok, bidge i think your husband wants a word" said jess quite disturbed by it all. "oh not again" said bidge sighing and coming to the door rather reluctantly. "hello barry what do you want now?" she asked impatiently. "i miss ya babe, i keep ringing but you never answer. why not babe your good and your a woman and your big and your good" "barry you went off with a camel when we'd been married 3 months. what do you expect?" bidge asked.
"but babe your good and your big and your a woman! and i miss ya babe" answered barry. "well seeya" said bidge closing the door. "what is it with that guy?" asked louise. "well some people are just anally challenged" replied bidge. "tea anyone?"
1430 hours, 08,05,2004. the mug and nonce.
"well i think its time me and arthur went to see those lovely fish people again" said jules pulling on a wetsuit. "good idea jules, i will be interested to hear your findings, and remember to ask after fondu" said joe playing with a clown and guzzling a beer all at once!
"joe! stop chatting up that clown" said debbie in disgust. "well sorry!! i'll just go and hug and kiss a poisoness snake an evil piosoness snake!!" "ok joe, breath in deep" said tom comfortingly. so when jules and arthur had rather too many beers to be scuba diving. off they went to see how steve the carp was. "well here go's" said arthur throwing himself in. so under the ledge they swam for about 200 yards (yes i work in imperial got a problem with that?) so out of the waterfall the other end they came. "well to the gates my anal friend" said jules grabbing art by the beard! "oy watch me rats bitch" said arthur. "evening fellow, may we come in?" asked jules. "why of course. give my regards to mondu if you see him" said fellow winding the gold ring.
"hey theres someone new" said arthur walking towards a very colourfull fish. "hello i'm arthur and this is my best friend jules" said arthur courteously. "best friend, i thought we were going out?" asked jules. "oh yeah ok" replied arthur. "anyway who are you good fish?" "hi my name is quindo. i'm a dash and dot goatfish" "very nice to meet you" said jules. "well shall i show you to steve he's not very well" said quindo. "oh right we beta then" said jules looking worried.
1515 hours, 08,05,2004. steves palace.
"greeting steve i hear you are not well?" asked arthur stepping forward. "ar great bearded one i pretail you are well?" asked steve coughing loudly. "i fear i may not live much longer" said steve, looking not very well atal. "what can we do to help?" asked arthur very concerned. "well i need something new and state of the art, or i'm a gonna" he replied. "i have an idea, said jules thinking hard. "we have a magical nozzle plant, that we know very little about but it may just be able to heal you, you never no" "well i'm willing to try anything" said steve. "when can you bring it?" he asked. "oh we can't bring it here, it wouldn't survive the trip through the water" said jules ernestly. "well i guess i will have to come to your land after all" sighed steve. "i'm rather scared but hey" he added. so arthur and jules bade their farewell. and went off through the gates of the garden and back into the waterfall.
but as they came up the other side with just enough air to get back, jules found something was blocking the way.
"don't worry" signalled arthur. i've got an idea"
"well i don't think i've ever seen anything like it in my life" said alion baffled. "no me too ali, i think we should disect one and see what comes up there" said robyn pondering herself. "yes i agree"said louise taking a skalpel. "right here go's" she said slicing at a nozzle stem. "now why won't that cut?" wandered louise. "are you sure you have a sharp knife?" asked alion. "yes its brand new" replied louise. "i'll try another one" decided robyn. but to no avail could any of them cut open any nozzles nor any stems.
"i think we should get joe in here" suggested alion lighting up with all the stress. so robyn went off to get joe and brought him straight back. "well i never" he said as he heard all their stories. "and this is the most amazing thing" said louise holding a huge nozzle about 5"s long and glowing bright. "well these must be some sort of magical seeds." he said wandering.
"i wander what all this is about" said debbie walking in, and putting her computer bag down on the side by the nozzles.
"hows the computing going debs?" asked robyn. "not bad i reackon i can get a pc that can practically do anything, within a few months anyway" she said. "i'm waiting for my next instalment of my course now anyway" "well we're going to carry on with some tests" said louise. "righteo" said joe. "yup we'll leave you to it" agreed debs trotting off down the path.
1330 hours, 06,05,2004. eating hall.
in the eating hall everyone was having lunch, when the doorbell rang loudly. "i'll get it" said jess strolling up to the door.
"hello and who may you be?" jess asked a strange man. "hi, is babe there? i miss ya babe. your big and your good and your a woman and i love you, its wednesday babe come home." "ok, bidge i think your husband wants a word" said jess quite disturbed by it all. "oh not again" said bidge sighing and coming to the door rather reluctantly. "hello barry what do you want now?" she asked impatiently. "i miss ya babe, i keep ringing but you never answer. why not babe your good and your a woman and your big and your good" "barry you went off with a camel when we'd been married 3 months. what do you expect?" bidge asked.
"but babe your good and your big and your a woman! and i miss ya babe" answered barry. "well seeya" said bidge closing the door. "what is it with that guy?" asked louise. "well some people are just anally challenged" replied bidge. "tea anyone?"
1430 hours, 08,05,2004. the mug and nonce.
"well i think its time me and arthur went to see those lovely fish people again" said jules pulling on a wetsuit. "good idea jules, i will be interested to hear your findings, and remember to ask after fondu" said joe playing with a clown and guzzling a beer all at once!
"joe! stop chatting up that clown" said debbie in disgust. "well sorry!! i'll just go and hug and kiss a poisoness snake an evil piosoness snake!!" "ok joe, breath in deep" said tom comfortingly. so when jules and arthur had rather too many beers to be scuba diving. off they went to see how steve the carp was. "well here go's" said arthur throwing himself in. so under the ledge they swam for about 200 yards (yes i work in imperial got a problem with that?) so out of the waterfall the other end they came. "well to the gates my anal friend" said jules grabbing art by the beard! "oy watch me rats bitch" said arthur. "evening fellow, may we come in?" asked jules. "why of course. give my regards to mondu if you see him" said fellow winding the gold ring.
"hey theres someone new" said arthur walking towards a very colourfull fish. "hello i'm arthur and this is my best friend jules" said arthur courteously. "best friend, i thought we were going out?" asked jules. "oh yeah ok" replied arthur. "anyway who are you good fish?" "hi my name is quindo. i'm a dash and dot goatfish" "very nice to meet you" said jules. "well shall i show you to steve he's not very well" said quindo. "oh right we beta then" said jules looking worried.
1515 hours, 08,05,2004. steves palace.
"greeting steve i hear you are not well?" asked arthur stepping forward. "ar great bearded one i pretail you are well?" asked steve coughing loudly. "i fear i may not live much longer" said steve, looking not very well atal. "what can we do to help?" asked arthur very concerned. "well i need something new and state of the art, or i'm a gonna" he replied. "i have an idea, said jules thinking hard. "we have a magical nozzle plant, that we know very little about but it may just be able to heal you, you never no" "well i'm willing to try anything" said steve. "when can you bring it?" he asked. "oh we can't bring it here, it wouldn't survive the trip through the water" said jules ernestly. "well i guess i will have to come to your land after all" sighed steve. "i'm rather scared but hey" he added. so arthur and jules bade their farewell. and went off through the gates of the garden and back into the waterfall.
but as they came up the other side with just enough air to get back, jules found something was blocking the way.
"don't worry" signalled arthur. i've got an idea"
Saturday, 12 January 2002
CHAPTER 12 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. THE DEPARTURE OF THE NICKS
0880 hours, 02,05,2004. breakfast room.
"well i'm afraid todays the day we leave" said mini nick while everyone was having breakfast. "oh what, no fair" said catharine.
"yes well those monkey brains won't get better on their own" said nick sniggering. "oh yes i forgot about that, its awful i do hope you get better" said catherine totally taken in."anyway" interupted joe in an important voice. today we will take another visit the fish people" "yes good idea" said jess practising darts in the corner. so everyone helped nick and mini nick to pack. on their sloths they climbed. "i don't remember you having those when you arrived" said sophie pondering. "well we first met you in the pub, we'd already put our sloths in the stable by then" replied nick, loading his rifle onto his sloth. "well adios" said mini nick charging off.
"yes its been a pleasure" said nick, maybe our paths will cross again" and that was that. "hope you have success with your brains" shouted catherine very concerned. and into the distance they went, over the brow of a hill and they were gone.
"well" said fatbob. "i don't know about you lot, but i'm having a kebab"
1400 hours, 02,05,2004. main interaction chamber (living room).
"yipee" yelped debbie. "whats that debs?" asked james slyly reading his "master the oboe" book. "my next computer course book has come through, its time i got really sorted with all this pc crap" "sounds cool" said anna, riding a unicycle, playing the piano and swallowing swords!!! "yeah and i've nearly finished my nozzle oils book, i hope we make enough profit to have it published" said bidge. "well at least we can spell check it all and publish on my pc if i can do this course" replied debbie, reading prefusly.
meanwhile pasty, fatbob, onion and alion were practising for their band. "well at least we can use the mug and nonce for our first performance" said pasty strumming away. "yes well i'll only charge a small fee" said fatbob. "you really should let us play for free bob, its your band aswell" said alion. "yes but its complicated, its the guvner what he says go's catch my drift?" said fatbob.
just then matt2 walked in, ar your in a band are you" he asked. "yeah you play then?" asked alion. "yes i play the guitar, rethym
or lead" he replied. "cool you wanna join us?" asked onion. "yeah why not" shrugged matt2. "i guess i won't ever see my other band members so why not" "but we need a band name" said onion worriedly. "well why not the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" suggested fatbob. "sounds good to me" said pasty."right matt you'll play second lead"
so byork helped them all to promote their new album and single, the album named "indigestable biscuits and the way we are"
"excuse me" said byork one day. "what byork?" asked luke, "if that is your real name" "when can i go home?"
"naughty byork, in your bed on your rug" said energy drawing her whip. "hey thats my whip" said debbie engulfed in computer manuals.
1730 hours, 05,05,2004. main crop field.
so finally the big day came when the crop could be harvested. "well people this is it" said joe. "viki you and matt get the highland cattle to pull the carts. hope their in good order?" he asked looking at louise. "oh trust me their in peak condition" she replied.
so everyone sorted themselves into two groups. pickers and packers. while bidge picked the cream of the crop for her oils.
and ellie gathered some for her latest inervation, nozzle gin! "remember people look out for the special seeds i planted, they were somewhere in the northeast corner" said joe in an important voice. so after a few hours when nearly half the nozles had been picked. a cry came out from the northeast corner. "hey joe, i think i found your seeds!" shouted sophie and catherine both at once.
"right lets have a look" said joe running over, "oh dear" said fatbob huffing anf puffing behind him. "i could of played for QPR suz" he said coughing flem left right and center. "right what have we here?" asked joe in an important voice.
"right there in the corner near the oak trees, was a marvelous nozzle plant glowing like the moon silver drops of lightmost magical.
"wow" said ellie running up, "imagaine the gin i could make with that" "hang people" said tom, "this needs to be thought about, right joe?" "quite right tom my good man." said joe itching his beard. (which after 3 months was now nearly an inch long!)
"well lets get some of these nozzles picked and to the lab"
"well i'm afraid todays the day we leave" said mini nick while everyone was having breakfast. "oh what, no fair" said catharine.
"yes well those monkey brains won't get better on their own" said nick sniggering. "oh yes i forgot about that, its awful i do hope you get better" said catherine totally taken in."anyway" interupted joe in an important voice. today we will take another visit the fish people" "yes good idea" said jess practising darts in the corner. so everyone helped nick and mini nick to pack. on their sloths they climbed. "i don't remember you having those when you arrived" said sophie pondering. "well we first met you in the pub, we'd already put our sloths in the stable by then" replied nick, loading his rifle onto his sloth. "well adios" said mini nick charging off.
"yes its been a pleasure" said nick, maybe our paths will cross again" and that was that. "hope you have success with your brains" shouted catherine very concerned. and into the distance they went, over the brow of a hill and they were gone.
"well" said fatbob. "i don't know about you lot, but i'm having a kebab"
1400 hours, 02,05,2004. main interaction chamber (living room).
"yipee" yelped debbie. "whats that debs?" asked james slyly reading his "master the oboe" book. "my next computer course book has come through, its time i got really sorted with all this pc crap" "sounds cool" said anna, riding a unicycle, playing the piano and swallowing swords!!! "yeah and i've nearly finished my nozzle oils book, i hope we make enough profit to have it published" said bidge. "well at least we can spell check it all and publish on my pc if i can do this course" replied debbie, reading prefusly.
meanwhile pasty, fatbob, onion and alion were practising for their band. "well at least we can use the mug and nonce for our first performance" said pasty strumming away. "yes well i'll only charge a small fee" said fatbob. "you really should let us play for free bob, its your band aswell" said alion. "yes but its complicated, its the guvner what he says go's catch my drift?" said fatbob.
just then matt2 walked in, ar your in a band are you" he asked. "yeah you play then?" asked alion. "yes i play the guitar, rethym
or lead" he replied. "cool you wanna join us?" asked onion. "yeah why not" shrugged matt2. "i guess i won't ever see my other band members so why not" "but we need a band name" said onion worriedly. "well why not the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" suggested fatbob. "sounds good to me" said pasty."right matt you'll play second lead"
so byork helped them all to promote their new album and single, the album named "indigestable biscuits and the way we are"
"excuse me" said byork one day. "what byork?" asked luke, "if that is your real name" "when can i go home?"
"naughty byork, in your bed on your rug" said energy drawing her whip. "hey thats my whip" said debbie engulfed in computer manuals.
1730 hours, 05,05,2004. main crop field.
so finally the big day came when the crop could be harvested. "well people this is it" said joe. "viki you and matt get the highland cattle to pull the carts. hope their in good order?" he asked looking at louise. "oh trust me their in peak condition" she replied.
so everyone sorted themselves into two groups. pickers and packers. while bidge picked the cream of the crop for her oils.
and ellie gathered some for her latest inervation, nozzle gin! "remember people look out for the special seeds i planted, they were somewhere in the northeast corner" said joe in an important voice. so after a few hours when nearly half the nozles had been picked. a cry came out from the northeast corner. "hey joe, i think i found your seeds!" shouted sophie and catherine both at once.
"right lets have a look" said joe running over, "oh dear" said fatbob huffing anf puffing behind him. "i could of played for QPR suz" he said coughing flem left right and center. "right what have we here?" asked joe in an important voice.
"right there in the corner near the oak trees, was a marvelous nozzle plant glowing like the moon silver drops of lightmost magical.
"wow" said ellie running up, "imagaine the gin i could make with that" "hang people" said tom, "this needs to be thought about, right joe?" "quite right tom my good man." said joe itching his beard. (which after 3 months was now nearly an inch long!)
"well lets get some of these nozzles picked and to the lab"
Friday, 11 January 2002
CHAPTER 11 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. A STRANGE FINDING
1400 hours, 25,04,2004. alions room.
"i was riding home from my band practice, i've got a band with a few mates called eastern walking boots. when all of a sudden there was a huge rush of air all around me, i couldn't see anything, but then a bright light, brighter than anything i've ever seen,
shone out of, well i don't know where really, it was just everywhere. and then i felt a huge thud on my back". matt paused, seemingly thinking hard. "well that was last month, some time on a tuesday evening i think, in hoddesdon. anyway then i woke up at some point and then all i remember was being wrapped up in clingfilm and having those nasty nipple clamps put on me, and being handed this" matt preduced a small glowing ball about tthe size of a golf ball from his pocket. "what is is?" asked suz.
"i don't no some voice somewhere said it was for a leader" replied matt, as puzzled as everyone else.
"well i think he must be talking about me" said nick stepping forward. "i think he was talking about joe, nick" said debbie.
"yes i think so" said joe scratching his arse. "what to do what to do" he said pondering. "well i think we should, cain!!!! it!" said dan wisely. "i agree totally" said bigmore. "well i think we should all go down the pub" said louise eager to get some sponsership for her own convent!
0100 hours, 26,04,2004. joes and debbies room.
so when everyone had been to the pub and played the quiz and fatbob had charged £8.50 per game of pool. everyone had decided to go home and get some sleep. except fatbob, who stayed up watching latvian premiership football till 3 in the morning.
"well i better have a look at this" said joe to himself while getting ready for bed. he got the little glowing ball out of the drawer by his bed. it had little tiny symbols all round what appeared to be a seam of some kind. "lets have a look" said debs jumping out of bed.
"ar its malagasey i think" she said taking a closer look. "yes it says, "the seeds of wrath, and many growths"
just then, the ball split right open revealing a small amount of what appeared to be nozzle seeds.
"well i'll be" said susie climbing out form under the bed. "what are you doing under there?" asked joe dumbfounded.
"i was looking for erm, beetles!" "susie! don't spy on us, especially joe when hes doing leadership type stuff" said debbie,
quite cross. "but the cute little beetles!! aarr their sooo sweet" she added squinting hard. "yes debbie dear".
said joe, patting her hard. "anyway lets get to sleep"
1000 hours , 01,05,2004. the river zambia.
emily was taking a walk with carlos one morning. joe had decided in the end to plant the seeds and wait to see what would happen. so as emily strolled by the river hand in hand with carlos. emily suddenly stopped, to look at something.
"what is it em?" asked carlos. "look, down there a another ledge just like the one we saw back in tollyhot".
"well i never" said carlos taking a closer look. "i think we should go tell joe" he said heading back. joe was sitting by the fire, working out when exactly he reckoned the harvest would be ready. when emily came bounding through the door!
"joe i think we found some more of those fish people!" she said all flustered. "really, you sure?" he asked.
"well its a ledge just like the other one, back in tollyhot" emily replied. "well lets go have a look shall we" said joe pulling his boots on. so everyone headed over to the river. when they got there, there was a big whirlpool brewing just by the ledge.
"wow just like the one we fell down arthur" said jules. "yeah come on" said arthur throwing himself in.
1100 hours, 01,05,2004. the field of marrows.
"well i never" said jeni quite excited about it all. and so there it was, just like before miles and miles of marrows! and swimming towards them a fish. "oh i do hope its fondu" said debbie. "he was soo cute" as the fish came up to them he stopped and said,
"hello, i am mondu son of fondu, friend and servant of steve the king carp" "you speak english?" said arthur stepping forward.
"arrr the bearded one has returned" said mondu bowing before arthur. "oh well thanks, come on take us to steve then, this is all veey interesting" said arthur. so to the gates of fishland they went, the gates of slounot. "oh look their's fellow"
said pasty. "so it is" said bidge in amazement. "greetings bearded monkey man, you may enter" said fellow, nodding after each of the gang walked through. in side there was th elovely gardens again in all their beauty. so they all met steve again and had much maroow juice then it was time for some serious questions. "so how come your here?" asked joe baffled. "well after your farm was destroyed and the police and FBI turned up, everythoing started to go wrong, the water got poluted by some sort of chemicals from the spaceship then the whole thing dryed up when no-one was allowed on the site. so we figured we'd migrate, but we never thought we'd see you lot again" finished steve at last. "so how did you get here?" asked alion, clinging to matt in a sort of annoying way! "well we got the 712 bus from chorley wood" replied mondu. "fair enough" said anna, riding a unicycle and playing the piano at the same time. so after much reminising, everyone decided to come again soon and they would talk properly about forming an alliance of some.
1700 hours, 01,05,2004. mug and nonce.
"well i think everything has gone well today" said wendy. "yes i look forward to more meetings with those lovely fish people again"
agreed emma. "yes but for now we must concentrate on the crop" said joe not letting anyone get carried away. "our harvest will be ready in 3 days!!!"
"i was riding home from my band practice, i've got a band with a few mates called eastern walking boots. when all of a sudden there was a huge rush of air all around me, i couldn't see anything, but then a bright light, brighter than anything i've ever seen,
shone out of, well i don't know where really, it was just everywhere. and then i felt a huge thud on my back". matt paused, seemingly thinking hard. "well that was last month, some time on a tuesday evening i think, in hoddesdon. anyway then i woke up at some point and then all i remember was being wrapped up in clingfilm and having those nasty nipple clamps put on me, and being handed this" matt preduced a small glowing ball about tthe size of a golf ball from his pocket. "what is is?" asked suz.
"i don't no some voice somewhere said it was for a leader" replied matt, as puzzled as everyone else.
"well i think he must be talking about me" said nick stepping forward. "i think he was talking about joe, nick" said debbie.
"yes i think so" said joe scratching his arse. "what to do what to do" he said pondering. "well i think we should, cain!!!! it!" said dan wisely. "i agree totally" said bigmore. "well i think we should all go down the pub" said louise eager to get some sponsership for her own convent!
0100 hours, 26,04,2004. joes and debbies room.
so when everyone had been to the pub and played the quiz and fatbob had charged £8.50 per game of pool. everyone had decided to go home and get some sleep. except fatbob, who stayed up watching latvian premiership football till 3 in the morning.
"well i better have a look at this" said joe to himself while getting ready for bed. he got the little glowing ball out of the drawer by his bed. it had little tiny symbols all round what appeared to be a seam of some kind. "lets have a look" said debs jumping out of bed.
"ar its malagasey i think" she said taking a closer look. "yes it says, "the seeds of wrath, and many growths"
just then, the ball split right open revealing a small amount of what appeared to be nozzle seeds.
"well i'll be" said susie climbing out form under the bed. "what are you doing under there?" asked joe dumbfounded.
"i was looking for erm, beetles!" "susie! don't spy on us, especially joe when hes doing leadership type stuff" said debbie,
quite cross. "but the cute little beetles!! aarr their sooo sweet" she added squinting hard. "yes debbie dear".
said joe, patting her hard. "anyway lets get to sleep"
1000 hours , 01,05,2004. the river zambia.
emily was taking a walk with carlos one morning. joe had decided in the end to plant the seeds and wait to see what would happen. so as emily strolled by the river hand in hand with carlos. emily suddenly stopped, to look at something.
"what is it em?" asked carlos. "look, down there a another ledge just like the one we saw back in tollyhot".
"well i never" said carlos taking a closer look. "i think we should go tell joe" he said heading back. joe was sitting by the fire, working out when exactly he reckoned the harvest would be ready. when emily came bounding through the door!
"joe i think we found some more of those fish people!" she said all flustered. "really, you sure?" he asked.
"well its a ledge just like the other one, back in tollyhot" emily replied. "well lets go have a look shall we" said joe pulling his boots on. so everyone headed over to the river. when they got there, there was a big whirlpool brewing just by the ledge.
"wow just like the one we fell down arthur" said jules. "yeah come on" said arthur throwing himself in.
1100 hours, 01,05,2004. the field of marrows.
"well i never" said jeni quite excited about it all. and so there it was, just like before miles and miles of marrows! and swimming towards them a fish. "oh i do hope its fondu" said debbie. "he was soo cute" as the fish came up to them he stopped and said,
"hello, i am mondu son of fondu, friend and servant of steve the king carp" "you speak english?" said arthur stepping forward.
"arrr the bearded one has returned" said mondu bowing before arthur. "oh well thanks, come on take us to steve then, this is all veey interesting" said arthur. so to the gates of fishland they went, the gates of slounot. "oh look their's fellow"
said pasty. "so it is" said bidge in amazement. "greetings bearded monkey man, you may enter" said fellow, nodding after each of the gang walked through. in side there was th elovely gardens again in all their beauty. so they all met steve again and had much maroow juice then it was time for some serious questions. "so how come your here?" asked joe baffled. "well after your farm was destroyed and the police and FBI turned up, everythoing started to go wrong, the water got poluted by some sort of chemicals from the spaceship then the whole thing dryed up when no-one was allowed on the site. so we figured we'd migrate, but we never thought we'd see you lot again" finished steve at last. "so how did you get here?" asked alion, clinging to matt in a sort of annoying way! "well we got the 712 bus from chorley wood" replied mondu. "fair enough" said anna, riding a unicycle and playing the piano at the same time. so after much reminising, everyone decided to come again soon and they would talk properly about forming an alliance of some.
1700 hours, 01,05,2004. mug and nonce.
"well i think everything has gone well today" said wendy. "yes i look forward to more meetings with those lovely fish people again"
agreed emma. "yes but for now we must concentrate on the crop" said joe not letting anyone get carried away. "our harvest will be ready in 3 days!!!"
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