chapter 24
the silence of death.
2200 hours, 18,06,2004. spacecraft storage barn.
so everyone got stuck in to gather all the important equipment and information they could. "how are we going to get into the fishland?" asked pasty very concerned. "because that's full of evil computers too" he added. "well we will have to fight our way in I fear!" replied Joe, "yes we will have to gather all the weapons we can get" added fatbob, munching on a kebab. "fatbob can you please help us instead of dosing around you prick!" said tom getting quite irate. "yeah alright keep your moccasins on" replied fatbob. so when they had got everything they could into bags and rucksacks, it was time for the men (and alion who was determined to prove herself more of a man than Joe, easily enough done) to go back to the farm to retrieve any weapons they could get. "right come on lads, first we'll go to the farmhouse then the village" said Joe loading his rifle. in the farmhouse chaos was ensuing. "my goodness!" said tom ducking kettle laser blasts. "right come on everyone" said Arthur leaping up stairs.
"I'll get my silenced illegal pistols" said fatbob rummaging amongst cocaine. "right lads come on,to the village" said Joe making a dash for the door. as the young men jogged down the half mile track to the village, flames and screaming could be heard coming from the village. "I do hope we can get some weapons before we're all gunned down" said Essex boy putting on all his gold sovereign rings. "at least I'll give em a fistful of this" he added.
0100 hours, 19,06,2004. quotak village.
as they entered the village, there was corpses and wounded people everywhere. "we must get these people into fishland" said Arthur swinging Simons courgette in defence. "I somehow don't think they will be keen to go down there, their village is very sacred to them" said Luke. "right into the armoury" said pasty kicking the door down. "the door was open actually pasty" said Arthur. but as Arthur stuck his head round the door, several shots narrowly missed his head! "steady on Arthur, have you not been taking your eggnog?" asked tom. "well to be honest, I hate the stuff" replied Arthur. "nows not the time to discuss eggnog gentlemen" said Joe in an important voice. so they all piled into the barn. and started firing shots into the darkness. "right gather everything you can carry, and we better get to the village chief" said Joe. "yes we must see how old Barry smith is" said fatbob.
meanwhile all the girls were heading through the fields of marrow's to the main gates. "now we can't get in there, till the lads are back with the weapons" said jules waving a glow stick around. "what's the glow stick for jules?" asked robyn. "to fend off killer clubers of course" replied jules. "but won't that attract them?" asked jeni mystified. "oh yeah, shit your right" said jules throwing them away. back in the village. "you no can do dis ting you try" said Barry swigging whiskey and shouting at a toaster. "er chief, that's just a normal toaster" said gumbo one of his advisers. "I don't care, I don't like toasters anyway, damn poptarts" "I don't think its the toasters fault, for bad advertising on Kellogg's front sir" replied gumbo. just then an electric bikini line shaver blasted through the window and took gumbo's head clean off! "don't worry chief Barry! we're here" said alion piling through the door.
"oh thank goodness, dis a very bad place" said the chief.
0300 hours, 19,06,2004. main gates of fishland.
"I do hope they hurry up, I need a shower" said louise flicking her hair around. "I'm sure they'll have hairdryers lou" said Catherine. "yes Catherine, and lots and lots of lovely men to obey your every call" said sophie sarcastically. "really? wow I can't wait" said Catherine. "she was taking the piss cath" said julia p. "and if they had hairdryers,they'd all be evil anyway wouldn't they?" "oh yeah I guess they would" pondered Catherine. "I do hope they have ditches though" said becca. "shut up you lot, here comes the guys" said viki peering hard. as the lads came running towards them, it was obvious no villagers has survived. "everyone's dead pretty much" said Luke. "yeah not even my moccasins could persuade them to come down here" said tom brushing away with a suede brush. "right alion, shoot the bolts off" said Joe loading his gun again. "everyone grab a weapon and aim at the doors" he added levelling his rifle. as alion blasted the bolts off and one gate came crashing to the ground, everyone opened fire into the room beyond. "well that was easy" said jess. "there's no-one around" so as they all piled in and pulled in all the gear, Joe started to swing the gates back into place. "right lets secure these gates as best we can" said Joe. "so as some of the guys nailed anything they could onto the gates. the rest of the guys made their way towards the main hall. "there's an awful lot of dead fish around" said suz holding her hand over her nose. "yes what a stink" added Emily holding Carlos's hand very tight. "Carlos how come you didn't go with all guys to get the guns?" asked Susie. "what! and risk messing up my slicked hair. you must me joking" he replied combing it back for the forth time. so as the rest of the guys joined them. they all gingerly opened the main doors into Steve's palace.
1432 hours, 13,08,2004. Steve's palace.
nearly two months had passed. it turned out all the computers had returned to the surface to help in the world wide annihilation of the human race. the young go getters, had done all they could to fortify the small fishland. but now nearly all the marrow's they had gathered had run out, and they had to make the dangerous run from the front gates to gather more food, all the while the computers would take pot shots at them as they ran from jar to jar. "I don't think I can take much more of this Joe" said jess returning from her turn at running the gauntlet. "I know jess, but we have to finish the spacecraft. then we may just have a chance of getting out of here" said Joe looking quite wreck form weeks of hardly eating and restless nights working on the spacecraft.
just then tom and Luke came down from the secret entrance. "it looks like they've killed everyone in Africa, there's not a sound or a standing building for miles" said Luke looking very bleak. "yes there's only the gentle hum of software, and the constant searchlights" agreed tom scratching his now long beard. "well people" said Joe looking determined. "we must get on with the spacecraft and then if Julia p finds anything, get of this God forsaken rock!"
Tuesday, 26 March 2002
Sunday, 24 March 2002
CHAPTER 23 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. ONLY A COUPLE OF CHAPTERS LEFT GUYS, HOPE YOUR ENJOYING.
chapter 23
refuge of the marrow's.
1112 hours, 18,06,2004. launch pad.
so Luke ran off to get byork, while robyn and jess loaded on the necessary equipment. "right get in there byork my old chum, my old mucker, me old spittle of a half nut matey" "yeah all right Luke just sit her in and strap her up" said Joe getting awfully impatient.
"right she's all ready to go Joe" said jess jumping out of the control room. "good show, Debbie, alion fire her up. Julia p, Arthur, prepare for the countdown" said Joe looking at his watch. "right engines fired" shouted alion. "ready to go when you are Arthur" said Debbie tapping in a few final instructions. "ok chiefs, she's 3 2 1 GO!!" shouted Arthur as he let off the thrusters.
as the spacecraft started to lift of the ground and byork closed her eyes and hoped. everyone stood in ore of what they had achieved. except wilko who claimed he could of done it all by himself, and entirely out of balsa wood and fairy washing up bottles.
so as the rocket shot up into the air, it started veering off to the left. "funny I'm sure that shouldn't happen" said Julia p fumbling with the ground navigation controls. "oops, I put Grimsby, not outer space, derh!" she exclaimed a little annoyed with herself.
"what! you put Grimsby as the destination!" said tom horrified. "well lets not be too hard on her, it was easily done" said Catherine.
"easily done!, how can outer space be anything like Grimsby?" retorted tom. "well this isn't good atal" said Anna.
1134 hours, 18,06,2004. Grimsby town.
"hey look up yonder Bernard, its spacecraft of some kind" "naw its probably concorde, ya daft cow" "but its travelling awful quick for concorde" said rose pondering. "cum on gal, horses need shoeing and dog need washing" said Bernard. "but first we need potato's from garden" said ethyl peering out of a window. "ooh shite, look up yonder, spacecraft!" she shouted. "ooh bugger!!"
1203 hours, 18,06,2004. workshop.
so as the burning flames of Grimsby lit up the skyline. Julia started whistling and strolling off. "Julia, come back I think we need to make a few minor adjustments" said pasty staring. so everyone went down the pub for a pint and a rethink.
"well never mind everyone, lets start again, at least now we know exactly how to build it" said sophie. "well that's true soph" said Vikki. so everyone had another drink and discussed there building plans. "well I'm going to get a kebab" said freeman. "I'll come with you for a kingsize" said fatbob finishing his pint. "anyone want anything?" asked freeman. so fatbob and freeman strolled off down the path. "right I'm getting the drinks in, who wants what?" said bigmore getting up. "well I want your pink shirt, but I guess that's not very likely is it?" said Joe analy. "well not really mate, I love this shirt" replied bigmore. just then fatbob came running in.
"you wont believe this" said fatbob panting from the "very" short run. "what?" asked suz buying another sambuca. "the kebab shops till just shot freeman straight in the head!" "oh shit! there taking over the world" said Luke throwing himself out the window.
"right" said becca, "we have to do something, there's a whole army of self aware electrical items heading towards the village" said fatbob looking worried for the first time since his pub was burnt down by aliens all those years ago. "ok calm down everyone, pasty get the shotgun. everyone else we have to get back to the barn and make it as secure as poss" said Joe strapping on a leather girdle. "why the girdle Joe?" asked Essex boy. "I think it just looks cool" so everyone headed towards the barn.
2000 hours, 18,06,2004. spacecraft storage barn.
"well everyone we have to make this place as secure as possible, we can't let this get destroyed no matter what happens" said Joe.
"why is is so important?" asked robyn. "because if all else fails at least we may be able to escape somewhere else" "that seems very far fetched. there's no where known to man that is actually inhabitable" said Julia p. "yes well we will see" replied Joe suspiciously. just then pasty came running clutching his sacred oboe, and oboe weekly magazines. "their coming! their coming! gather what you can. we have to get out of here" he started shouting. "ok calm down paste my dear, what exactly is the situation?" asked Joe formally. "Debbie's computer has come back and is commanding a massive army of war computers!" pasty replied running around all over the gaff. "are they looking to break someone's ham and eggs then, causing a bit of bubble. coz if they are, we beta get on the dog and bone. that is unless you've got the Aristotle to take em on. coz if you have you might get a smack in the chevy chase! know what I mean" said wilko smoking a huge cigar and wearing an italian suit. "look we have to get out of here fast" said alion and ellie together. "right well we have to gather everything we can, anything any of you can think of that we might need. and get to the fish land!" said Joe packing up blueprints. "Joe's right, for a change. lets get going" said jeni.
refuge of the marrow's.
1112 hours, 18,06,2004. launch pad.
so Luke ran off to get byork, while robyn and jess loaded on the necessary equipment. "right get in there byork my old chum, my old mucker, me old spittle of a half nut matey" "yeah all right Luke just sit her in and strap her up" said Joe getting awfully impatient.
"right she's all ready to go Joe" said jess jumping out of the control room. "good show, Debbie, alion fire her up. Julia p, Arthur, prepare for the countdown" said Joe looking at his watch. "right engines fired" shouted alion. "ready to go when you are Arthur" said Debbie tapping in a few final instructions. "ok chiefs, she's 3 2 1 GO!!" shouted Arthur as he let off the thrusters.
as the spacecraft started to lift of the ground and byork closed her eyes and hoped. everyone stood in ore of what they had achieved. except wilko who claimed he could of done it all by himself, and entirely out of balsa wood and fairy washing up bottles.
so as the rocket shot up into the air, it started veering off to the left. "funny I'm sure that shouldn't happen" said Julia p fumbling with the ground navigation controls. "oops, I put Grimsby, not outer space, derh!" she exclaimed a little annoyed with herself.
"what! you put Grimsby as the destination!" said tom horrified. "well lets not be too hard on her, it was easily done" said Catherine.
"easily done!, how can outer space be anything like Grimsby?" retorted tom. "well this isn't good atal" said Anna.
1134 hours, 18,06,2004. Grimsby town.
"hey look up yonder Bernard, its spacecraft of some kind" "naw its probably concorde, ya daft cow" "but its travelling awful quick for concorde" said rose pondering. "cum on gal, horses need shoeing and dog need washing" said Bernard. "but first we need potato's from garden" said ethyl peering out of a window. "ooh shite, look up yonder, spacecraft!" she shouted. "ooh bugger!!"
1203 hours, 18,06,2004. workshop.
so as the burning flames of Grimsby lit up the skyline. Julia started whistling and strolling off. "Julia, come back I think we need to make a few minor adjustments" said pasty staring. so everyone went down the pub for a pint and a rethink.
"well never mind everyone, lets start again, at least now we know exactly how to build it" said sophie. "well that's true soph" said Vikki. so everyone had another drink and discussed there building plans. "well I'm going to get a kebab" said freeman. "I'll come with you for a kingsize" said fatbob finishing his pint. "anyone want anything?" asked freeman. so fatbob and freeman strolled off down the path. "right I'm getting the drinks in, who wants what?" said bigmore getting up. "well I want your pink shirt, but I guess that's not very likely is it?" said Joe analy. "well not really mate, I love this shirt" replied bigmore. just then fatbob came running in.
"you wont believe this" said fatbob panting from the "very" short run. "what?" asked suz buying another sambuca. "the kebab shops till just shot freeman straight in the head!" "oh shit! there taking over the world" said Luke throwing himself out the window.
"right" said becca, "we have to do something, there's a whole army of self aware electrical items heading towards the village" said fatbob looking worried for the first time since his pub was burnt down by aliens all those years ago. "ok calm down everyone, pasty get the shotgun. everyone else we have to get back to the barn and make it as secure as poss" said Joe strapping on a leather girdle. "why the girdle Joe?" asked Essex boy. "I think it just looks cool" so everyone headed towards the barn.
2000 hours, 18,06,2004. spacecraft storage barn.
"well everyone we have to make this place as secure as possible, we can't let this get destroyed no matter what happens" said Joe.
"why is is so important?" asked robyn. "because if all else fails at least we may be able to escape somewhere else" "that seems very far fetched. there's no where known to man that is actually inhabitable" said Julia p. "yes well we will see" replied Joe suspiciously. just then pasty came running clutching his sacred oboe, and oboe weekly magazines. "their coming! their coming! gather what you can. we have to get out of here" he started shouting. "ok calm down paste my dear, what exactly is the situation?" asked Joe formally. "Debbie's computer has come back and is commanding a massive army of war computers!" pasty replied running around all over the gaff. "are they looking to break someone's ham and eggs then, causing a bit of bubble. coz if they are, we beta get on the dog and bone. that is unless you've got the Aristotle to take em on. coz if you have you might get a smack in the chevy chase! know what I mean" said wilko smoking a huge cigar and wearing an italian suit. "look we have to get out of here fast" said alion and ellie together. "right well we have to gather everything we can, anything any of you can think of that we might need. and get to the fish land!" said Joe packing up blueprints. "Joe's right, for a change. lets get going" said jeni.
Thursday, 21 March 2002
CHAPTER 22 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2!! NOW THINGS ARE GETTING INTERESTING, BUT I DON'T CARE DARLING, SHE HASN'T GOT THE RANGE!! I LOVE HER TO BITS DA
DARLING, SHE HASN'T GOT THE RANGE!! I LOVE HER TO BITS DARLING, BUT SHE HASN'T GOT THE RANGE!!
chapter 22
an unforgettable discovery.
1700 hours, 15,06,2004. living room.
"oh my goodness!!" said Debbie almost in tears. "what are we going to do Joe" said robyn equally afraid. "I don't know guys, I really don't if the..... wait a sec something else is coming up" Joe stood staring at the screen. THE BRINGER OF DEATH IS AMONG U. 4 HE CAME OF THE CLINGFILM... 238648484. "what the hell does that mean" said suz walking in hearing all the commotion. "wait a minute, wait one damn minute" said Arthur. "what?" asked jules impatiently. "well who brought us the special nozzles?" he said. "well we grew them....... MATT!!! Essex boy brought them in his trunk" said Joe thinking very hard. as they were all wondering what to do, ellie came rushing in. "its cracknel they got him, they got him!" she said. "just a minute who, who got him?" asked Joe, as everyone came piling into the living room. "the fish people, they snatched him from the river! but they were different they looked evil and almost like robots!" she said sobbing. "the computers" said Debbie. "they've become self aware!!"
everyone stood still and quite for while. "I wonder what the numbers mean" said reena scratching violently. "I don't know maybe some sort of code for something" said jess. "well it must be important, I'll write it down" said Joe pulling out his notebook.
"right well I think we should destroy the computer before it does too much damage" said Debbie looking damn fine! "well I agree lets do it" agreed robyn.
1746 hours, 15,06,2004. back of barn.
so everyone except pasty and the band, congregated outside to destroy the evil computer. "now I think we should smash it first, then burn it, and then of course finally bury it" said Joe thinking hard. (something very hard for him to do!) so everyone smashed up the computer and burned it well. "well people what now?" asked freeman, "well we could always do your hair and dress you up in a pretty frock, simonettea!" said Luke. "well that would delightful!.. shut up boy!" replied freeman. so everyone retired to the house to discuss the situation. "well I think we need to be very careful from now on" said bidge putting the kettle on. "yes and we must finish the spacecraft as soon as possible" added Anna teaching a tortoise to play badminton! "well we could use it as some sort of laser if we designed one" suggested jess. "yes but on the other hand we could simply make a huge giraffe out of semolina and fill it with sugar mice, and then we" "no robyn" said jeni getting annoyed. "giant stuff might work on evil rabbits but not super efficient intelligent killing machines" she added. "is it just me, or is this whole situation rather like the terminator films?" asked Emily suspiciously. "well yes and no really, there weren't nozzles in the terminator" pondered bigmore. "now that would of been a movie worth watching" added sophie. "now look everyone lets concentrate on the job at hand shall we" said Joe in an important voice. "which is?" asked Debbie. "to finish building the spacecraft, test it out using byork, and then try to destroy the computers in the fish land, while trying not to get killed" he replied analy. "one things for sure, I'm never going anywhere with Joe again!" said ellie. "there been nothing but trouble" she added. "lets be fair" said louise, "its bidge's fault aswell, if it wasn't for her damn books!"
"now now lets not argue over who's fault it is" said tom firmly. "yes nows a time for rallying together" agreed viki.
"viki's right! its everyman for himself!" shouted wilko waving a club in the air! "do you ever actually listen?" asked louise despairingly. "huh men" she added. so everyone rallied round and, played strip monopoly.
1000 hours, 18,06, 2004. workshop.
so as the days went by, everyone worked non stop on the spacecraft. there was no more upheaval from the computers. and no-one had been able to get into see the fish people. though Arthur, Catherine and jules had tried a couple more times. pasty and the guys had returned and been filled in with the crazy news, fatbob had to sit down and have another shot of heroin to get over the shock!
so the day finally came on the 21st of the fine month of may when the spacecraft was ready to test. "well people lets test this thing, I think we have done everything but first we shall just run through the checklist" said Joe pulling out his pad again.
"right, onboard navigation" "check" said Julia p excitedly. "good, main fuel bay. good. engine cooling system, anti evil rabbit proof outer shell" "check" said robyn proudly. "good. on board computer, ejector thrusters, food lock chamber, giant connect 4!, good.
creative jenga, entire pixies album collection, nice pleated throws for the sofa, good. hamster wheel in case of boredom. good"
so when everything was checked and nothing had been forgotten. it was time for lift off. "well people lets do it, Luke get byork!!"
chapter 22
an unforgettable discovery.
1700 hours, 15,06,2004. living room.
"oh my goodness!!" said Debbie almost in tears. "what are we going to do Joe" said robyn equally afraid. "I don't know guys, I really don't if the..... wait a sec something else is coming up" Joe stood staring at the screen. THE BRINGER OF DEATH IS AMONG U. 4 HE CAME OF THE CLINGFILM... 238648484. "what the hell does that mean" said suz walking in hearing all the commotion. "wait a minute, wait one damn minute" said Arthur. "what?" asked jules impatiently. "well who brought us the special nozzles?" he said. "well we grew them....... MATT!!! Essex boy brought them in his trunk" said Joe thinking very hard. as they were all wondering what to do, ellie came rushing in. "its cracknel they got him, they got him!" she said. "just a minute who, who got him?" asked Joe, as everyone came piling into the living room. "the fish people, they snatched him from the river! but they were different they looked evil and almost like robots!" she said sobbing. "the computers" said Debbie. "they've become self aware!!"
everyone stood still and quite for while. "I wonder what the numbers mean" said reena scratching violently. "I don't know maybe some sort of code for something" said jess. "well it must be important, I'll write it down" said Joe pulling out his notebook.
"right well I think we should destroy the computer before it does too much damage" said Debbie looking damn fine! "well I agree lets do it" agreed robyn.
1746 hours, 15,06,2004. back of barn.
so everyone except pasty and the band, congregated outside to destroy the evil computer. "now I think we should smash it first, then burn it, and then of course finally bury it" said Joe thinking hard. (something very hard for him to do!) so everyone smashed up the computer and burned it well. "well people what now?" asked freeman, "well we could always do your hair and dress you up in a pretty frock, simonettea!" said Luke. "well that would delightful!.. shut up boy!" replied freeman. so everyone retired to the house to discuss the situation. "well I think we need to be very careful from now on" said bidge putting the kettle on. "yes and we must finish the spacecraft as soon as possible" added Anna teaching a tortoise to play badminton! "well we could use it as some sort of laser if we designed one" suggested jess. "yes but on the other hand we could simply make a huge giraffe out of semolina and fill it with sugar mice, and then we" "no robyn" said jeni getting annoyed. "giant stuff might work on evil rabbits but not super efficient intelligent killing machines" she added. "is it just me, or is this whole situation rather like the terminator films?" asked Emily suspiciously. "well yes and no really, there weren't nozzles in the terminator" pondered bigmore. "now that would of been a movie worth watching" added sophie. "now look everyone lets concentrate on the job at hand shall we" said Joe in an important voice. "which is?" asked Debbie. "to finish building the spacecraft, test it out using byork, and then try to destroy the computers in the fish land, while trying not to get killed" he replied analy. "one things for sure, I'm never going anywhere with Joe again!" said ellie. "there been nothing but trouble" she added. "lets be fair" said louise, "its bidge's fault aswell, if it wasn't for her damn books!"
"now now lets not argue over who's fault it is" said tom firmly. "yes nows a time for rallying together" agreed viki.
"viki's right! its everyman for himself!" shouted wilko waving a club in the air! "do you ever actually listen?" asked louise despairingly. "huh men" she added. so everyone rallied round and, played strip monopoly.
1000 hours, 18,06, 2004. workshop.
so as the days went by, everyone worked non stop on the spacecraft. there was no more upheaval from the computers. and no-one had been able to get into see the fish people. though Arthur, Catherine and jules had tried a couple more times. pasty and the guys had returned and been filled in with the crazy news, fatbob had to sit down and have another shot of heroin to get over the shock!
so the day finally came on the 21st of the fine month of may when the spacecraft was ready to test. "well people lets test this thing, I think we have done everything but first we shall just run through the checklist" said Joe pulling out his pad again.
"right, onboard navigation" "check" said Julia p excitedly. "good, main fuel bay. good. engine cooling system, anti evil rabbit proof outer shell" "check" said robyn proudly. "good. on board computer, ejector thrusters, food lock chamber, giant connect 4!, good.
creative jenga, entire pixies album collection, nice pleated throws for the sofa, good. hamster wheel in case of boredom. good"
so when everything was checked and nothing had been forgotten. it was time for lift off. "well people lets do it, Luke get byork!!"
Saturday, 16 March 2002
CHAPTER 21 FIELDS OF NOZZLES. VOLUME 2. OOOH SHIT!
chapter 21
I high quality investigation
0730 hours, 15,06,2004. breakfast room.
"well pasty my son, it is time to continue our tour sir" said fatbob one morning reading his roasts of the world book. "yes I simply can't wait mate" replied pasty. "even essex boy is excited about it" he added. just then onion came in wearing nothing but a bikini and a sarong. "now who wanted mushrooms?" she asked. "ooh me me" shouted fatbob licking his lips. "hey how about me?" asked Arthur. "yeah you better eat well art, remember we're going to see the fish people again today" said jules packing sandwiches for lunch. "oh yeah it will be good to see how Steve is" answered Arthur gobbling down as much as he good. "remember people, all do everything you want today, its full on back to the spacecraft construction tomorrow" said Joe. "why such a hurry to build this spacecraft Joe?" asked alion. "oh I just think its important to be ready tha all" replied Joe analy. "well we're off" said Essex boy loading his guitar case onto his donkey. "yup we'll see you all later" said alion getting very excited and lighting her pipe. "I simply can't wait to use my oboe" said pasty. so the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers were on their way to their next venue. as jules and Arthur headed towards the river. "hey there's ellie and cracknel" said Arthur waving. "er we were just going for a walk" said ellie cautiously. "oh I see Eleanor "walking" I see" "what are you doing here Joe" said ellie crossly. "don't worry ellie, I'll sort this" said cracknel, smackin Joe one in the jaw! "ow!! that really hurt" said Joe rubbing his face. "you just watch it matey, I've got courgettes" said freeman appearing from the undergrowth. "what are you doing here" said ellie getting more annoyed every minute. "I think we'll go Arthur, before things turn nasty" said jules strolling off. so Joe went to see reena for some stitches, and feeman went back to his bush.
1400 hours, 15,06,2004. fish gates.
"well here we are again" said Arthur walking up to the gates. "I wonder where fellow is today" he pondered to jules. "he's probably having his lunch art" replied jules knocking on the gates loudly. there was no answer for quite some time, so jules decided to try again. "funny I'll have another go, there must be someone there" she said knocking a bit louder this time. after five minutes or so they heard someone coming. "here we go, see no problem" said Arthur, so relaxed he nearly fell over!! the door slowly opened just a crack and a fish they'd never seen before peered through the opening. "what do you want?" he snapped. "if your selling ironing board covers, we've already got one thanks" he said slamming the doors. "wait we just want to see Steve" shouted Arthur "they worship me!!" he added indignantly. the fish opened the door once again, his eyes appeared almost like high beam ultra violet lights. "steve doesn't live here any more, he is dead" and the doors slammed again. "what the hell is going on" said jules. "i just don't understand. just then there sounded like a comotion coming from the other side of the gates, and the door flung open and mondu appeared frantic with fear! "GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!" he shouted in terror. "the've come, throw it away all of it cds and all!" just then what seemed like a steel fish grabbed him from behind and dragged him back inside! "listen to me destroy your computers!!" he shouted and then he was silenced, the doors slammed shut once again and that was that. "what did he mean by all that?" said arthur astounded. "i don't know but we better get out of here quick, and report this all to joe" said jules looking very worried indeed. "i fear something very nasty is going on in there" she said. so heading towards the waterfall as fast as they could art and jules were soon back by the river. "right lets go tell joe all about this"
1647 hours, 15,06,2004. joes office.
joe was sitting in his office working on the plans for the spacecraft. "joe!!" said jules running up the stairs two at a time. "whats up jules?" he asked. "its the fish people, something terrible is going on down there!" so jules and arthur told joe everything that had happened to them and everything that was said by the sinister fish. "this is all very worrying" said joe stroking his now stupidly long goatee. "yes but what did mondu mean about throwing everything away" said arthur picking nits out of his beard and eating them. just then debbie came in. "hey guys how did you get on with the fish guys? are they enjoying their pc i gave them?" she said stroking her paunch. "what you mean you gave them a computer?" asked joe alarmed. "yes just a pentium i had uprated with my pc course" debbie replied wondering what all the fuss was about. just then robyn came tearing in. "joe! joe! its the special nozzles!" she said all out of breath. "what, what about them" said everyone at once. "well i was studying them under a high pressure genetic strand reactor. and well it seems they have some sort of capaciters in their DNA strands!" she said all in a stress. "i just don't know what to make of it atal" she added. so everyone went downstairs to look at debbies computer.
"now how come the fish peoples computer went so mad assumably. and how come the special nozzles have pc capaciters in them" said joe booting it up. "funny" said debbie tapping in passwords. "i can't seem to access anything atal" then as the screen went completely black. and appearing in big black capitals came the words. GOOD LUK... U R GOING 2 DIE!!!!!!
I high quality investigation
0730 hours, 15,06,2004. breakfast room.
"well pasty my son, it is time to continue our tour sir" said fatbob one morning reading his roasts of the world book. "yes I simply can't wait mate" replied pasty. "even essex boy is excited about it" he added. just then onion came in wearing nothing but a bikini and a sarong. "now who wanted mushrooms?" she asked. "ooh me me" shouted fatbob licking his lips. "hey how about me?" asked Arthur. "yeah you better eat well art, remember we're going to see the fish people again today" said jules packing sandwiches for lunch. "oh yeah it will be good to see how Steve is" answered Arthur gobbling down as much as he good. "remember people, all do everything you want today, its full on back to the spacecraft construction tomorrow" said Joe. "why such a hurry to build this spacecraft Joe?" asked alion. "oh I just think its important to be ready tha all" replied Joe analy. "well we're off" said Essex boy loading his guitar case onto his donkey. "yup we'll see you all later" said alion getting very excited and lighting her pipe. "I simply can't wait to use my oboe" said pasty. so the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers were on their way to their next venue. as jules and Arthur headed towards the river. "hey there's ellie and cracknel" said Arthur waving. "er we were just going for a walk" said ellie cautiously. "oh I see Eleanor "walking" I see" "what are you doing here Joe" said ellie crossly. "don't worry ellie, I'll sort this" said cracknel, smackin Joe one in the jaw! "ow!! that really hurt" said Joe rubbing his face. "you just watch it matey, I've got courgettes" said freeman appearing from the undergrowth. "what are you doing here" said ellie getting more annoyed every minute. "I think we'll go Arthur, before things turn nasty" said jules strolling off. so Joe went to see reena for some stitches, and feeman went back to his bush.
1400 hours, 15,06,2004. fish gates.
"well here we are again" said Arthur walking up to the gates. "I wonder where fellow is today" he pondered to jules. "he's probably having his lunch art" replied jules knocking on the gates loudly. there was no answer for quite some time, so jules decided to try again. "funny I'll have another go, there must be someone there" she said knocking a bit louder this time. after five minutes or so they heard someone coming. "here we go, see no problem" said Arthur, so relaxed he nearly fell over!! the door slowly opened just a crack and a fish they'd never seen before peered through the opening. "what do you want?" he snapped. "if your selling ironing board covers, we've already got one thanks" he said slamming the doors. "wait we just want to see Steve" shouted Arthur "they worship me!!" he added indignantly. the fish opened the door once again, his eyes appeared almost like high beam ultra violet lights. "steve doesn't live here any more, he is dead" and the doors slammed again. "what the hell is going on" said jules. "i just don't understand. just then there sounded like a comotion coming from the other side of the gates, and the door flung open and mondu appeared frantic with fear! "GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!" he shouted in terror. "the've come, throw it away all of it cds and all!" just then what seemed like a steel fish grabbed him from behind and dragged him back inside! "listen to me destroy your computers!!" he shouted and then he was silenced, the doors slammed shut once again and that was that. "what did he mean by all that?" said arthur astounded. "i don't know but we better get out of here quick, and report this all to joe" said jules looking very worried indeed. "i fear something very nasty is going on in there" she said. so heading towards the waterfall as fast as they could art and jules were soon back by the river. "right lets go tell joe all about this"
1647 hours, 15,06,2004. joes office.
joe was sitting in his office working on the plans for the spacecraft. "joe!!" said jules running up the stairs two at a time. "whats up jules?" he asked. "its the fish people, something terrible is going on down there!" so jules and arthur told joe everything that had happened to them and everything that was said by the sinister fish. "this is all very worrying" said joe stroking his now stupidly long goatee. "yes but what did mondu mean about throwing everything away" said arthur picking nits out of his beard and eating them. just then debbie came in. "hey guys how did you get on with the fish guys? are they enjoying their pc i gave them?" she said stroking her paunch. "what you mean you gave them a computer?" asked joe alarmed. "yes just a pentium i had uprated with my pc course" debbie replied wondering what all the fuss was about. just then robyn came tearing in. "joe! joe! its the special nozzles!" she said all out of breath. "what, what about them" said everyone at once. "well i was studying them under a high pressure genetic strand reactor. and well it seems they have some sort of capaciters in their DNA strands!" she said all in a stress. "i just don't know what to make of it atal" she added. so everyone went downstairs to look at debbies computer.
"now how come the fish peoples computer went so mad assumably. and how come the special nozzles have pc capaciters in them" said joe booting it up. "funny" said debbie tapping in passwords. "i can't seem to access anything atal" then as the screen went completely black. and appearing in big black capitals came the words. GOOD LUK... U R GOING 2 DIE!!!!!!
Sunday, 10 March 2002
CHAPTER 20 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. ONLY 5 OR SO CHAPTERS TO GO!! MAYBE A FEW MORE.
chapter 20
byork and craft of nozzle!
0730 hours, 07,06,2004. morning nutrition consuming brickbased cubed facility (breakfast room)
"well ladies and gents, and you alion. today we must finish the planting and carry on with other matters" said Joe eating his golden muff balls. "but Joe what other matters do we actually have to do?" asked Anna doing so many things I can't be bothered to explain. "well" replied Joe. "there's the erm the playing and the band supporting and the strip monopoly and stuff" "don't you think we should be doing something more productive with our time?" asked bidge. "oh yeah what have you done?" asked jess.
"I've been writing all those oil books and publishing them by hand" answered bidge. "well I think toms been pretty lazy personally" said Luke, "he's not given me one hand restraining that byork yet" "hang on Luke, I've been busy cleaning my moccasins most days" said tom in his defence. "oh yeah that's useful" added jeni. "well what have you done?" asked onion incriminatingly. "what you've done bog all" said alion. "ooh I have to spray my dinosaur" she added. "well you shouldn't be in the band anyway, you can't even play" said fatbob steaming up. "well I never, at least I wash" replied alion. "LOOK EVERYONE!!!" shouted Joe analy. "we're all lazy ok, can we all stop arguing, I have an idea for our next project" he said in an important voice. "ok what is it?" asked louise.
"well"
0830 hours, 09,06,2004. breakfast room.
"well I wish Joe would tell us what his big plan is" said Emily reclining on a chair. "I'm sure he knows what he's doing" said Debbie still puzzling away on the computer. "well we've finished the planting now, and it won't be ready for harvesting for 4 weeks" said wendy pondering as usual. "morning everyone" said Joe cheerfully, as he walked into the breakfast room. "come on then Joe, what's all this secrecy, what are we going to do?" asked pasty scratching vigorously. "well if everyone would like to gather round the table, bigmore could you get everyone else in please" "sure thing sir" replied bigmore. so when everyone had gathered round and much pushing and shoving for the best seats had been done. it was time for Joe to release his plan. "now as some of you know robyn and alion have been exploring the strange energy giving properties of the special nozzles" said Joe. "yes do go on" said Catherine impatiently. "well it made me think, when the new nozzles are ready for harvesting. in theory they should have bearing in mind we crossed breed them 50/50 with the new nozzles, half the energy fuel of the special nozzles" he paused "supposedly" thinking hard. "well I thought we could build a spacecraft using nozzle fuel from the harvest, look I have the basic plans right here" he said rolling out some blueprints. "but Joe this is all rather ambitious isn't it?" asked robyn scratching her eyebrows. "yes robyn, but why not we can only try?" said Joe determined. "well I trust Joe's intuition, I don't know why but hell lets go for it" said ellie. "yes we're all with you Joe" said jess enthusiastically. "well i'll be damned if I'm gonna agree" "fatbob!!" said onion. "I mean yeah I'm with ya Joe, er always man" said fatbob biting his fist.
1300 hours, 09,06,2004. workshop.
"right now guys" said Joe rubbing his hands in glee. "all the steel arrived yesterday, Arthur will be in charge of the physics and stress's. robyn and alion as they have been researching the fuel, will be in charge of the engine and fuel dock. juliap with her vast knowledge of space will be in charge of navigation. I will be in charge of general design, fatbob speedstripes" "yes!!" replied fatbob, "I call red" "good right everyone else you know your places, lets get cracking! oh and Debbie your in charge of the onboard computer systems" "yey I like responsibility" said Debbie jumping up and down. so everyone got stuck in, for many days they laboured, and for many weeks they would.
2115 hours, 13,06,2004. mug and nonce.
"well everyone things are going very well. well done all of you for your hard work" said Joe raising his glass. "yes it has been a success, I just think there should be a bar on board" said ellie raising her empty glass. "well we are rather strap for space. said louise reading "today's nun" magazine. "well anyway apart from all that" said Debbie drinking her vakodka. "I was just wandering who's going to have the guts to be the first to fly this thing?" she enquired. "ar well that's where I come in" said Luke proudly.
"wow! your going to fly that thing, that's very brave of you" said becca. "no! I'm sending byork up there, I'm not stupid that things a death trap" replied Luke. "and another thing Joe" said pasty, the cogs whirring inside his head. "what's that paste mate?" asked Joe."why the hell does it have to be shaped like a sheep?"
byork and craft of nozzle!
0730 hours, 07,06,2004. morning nutrition consuming brickbased cubed facility (breakfast room)
"well ladies and gents, and you alion. today we must finish the planting and carry on with other matters" said Joe eating his golden muff balls. "but Joe what other matters do we actually have to do?" asked Anna doing so many things I can't be bothered to explain. "well" replied Joe. "there's the erm the playing and the band supporting and the strip monopoly and stuff" "don't you think we should be doing something more productive with our time?" asked bidge. "oh yeah what have you done?" asked jess.
"I've been writing all those oil books and publishing them by hand" answered bidge. "well I think toms been pretty lazy personally" said Luke, "he's not given me one hand restraining that byork yet" "hang on Luke, I've been busy cleaning my moccasins most days" said tom in his defence. "oh yeah that's useful" added jeni. "well what have you done?" asked onion incriminatingly. "what you've done bog all" said alion. "ooh I have to spray my dinosaur" she added. "well you shouldn't be in the band anyway, you can't even play" said fatbob steaming up. "well I never, at least I wash" replied alion. "LOOK EVERYONE!!!" shouted Joe analy. "we're all lazy ok, can we all stop arguing, I have an idea for our next project" he said in an important voice. "ok what is it?" asked louise.
"well"
0830 hours, 09,06,2004. breakfast room.
"well I wish Joe would tell us what his big plan is" said Emily reclining on a chair. "I'm sure he knows what he's doing" said Debbie still puzzling away on the computer. "well we've finished the planting now, and it won't be ready for harvesting for 4 weeks" said wendy pondering as usual. "morning everyone" said Joe cheerfully, as he walked into the breakfast room. "come on then Joe, what's all this secrecy, what are we going to do?" asked pasty scratching vigorously. "well if everyone would like to gather round the table, bigmore could you get everyone else in please" "sure thing sir" replied bigmore. so when everyone had gathered round and much pushing and shoving for the best seats had been done. it was time for Joe to release his plan. "now as some of you know robyn and alion have been exploring the strange energy giving properties of the special nozzles" said Joe. "yes do go on" said Catherine impatiently. "well it made me think, when the new nozzles are ready for harvesting. in theory they should have bearing in mind we crossed breed them 50/50 with the new nozzles, half the energy fuel of the special nozzles" he paused "supposedly" thinking hard. "well I thought we could build a spacecraft using nozzle fuel from the harvest, look I have the basic plans right here" he said rolling out some blueprints. "but Joe this is all rather ambitious isn't it?" asked robyn scratching her eyebrows. "yes robyn, but why not we can only try?" said Joe determined. "well I trust Joe's intuition, I don't know why but hell lets go for it" said ellie. "yes we're all with you Joe" said jess enthusiastically. "well i'll be damned if I'm gonna agree" "fatbob!!" said onion. "I mean yeah I'm with ya Joe, er always man" said fatbob biting his fist.
1300 hours, 09,06,2004. workshop.
"right now guys" said Joe rubbing his hands in glee. "all the steel arrived yesterday, Arthur will be in charge of the physics and stress's. robyn and alion as they have been researching the fuel, will be in charge of the engine and fuel dock. juliap with her vast knowledge of space will be in charge of navigation. I will be in charge of general design, fatbob speedstripes" "yes!!" replied fatbob, "I call red" "good right everyone else you know your places, lets get cracking! oh and Debbie your in charge of the onboard computer systems" "yey I like responsibility" said Debbie jumping up and down. so everyone got stuck in, for many days they laboured, and for many weeks they would.
2115 hours, 13,06,2004. mug and nonce.
"well everyone things are going very well. well done all of you for your hard work" said Joe raising his glass. "yes it has been a success, I just think there should be a bar on board" said ellie raising her empty glass. "well we are rather strap for space. said louise reading "today's nun" magazine. "well anyway apart from all that" said Debbie drinking her vakodka. "I was just wandering who's going to have the guts to be the first to fly this thing?" she enquired. "ar well that's where I come in" said Luke proudly.
"wow! your going to fly that thing, that's very brave of you" said becca. "no! I'm sending byork up there, I'm not stupid that things a death trap" replied Luke. "and another thing Joe" said pasty, the cogs whirring inside his head. "what's that paste mate?" asked Joe."why the hell does it have to be shaped like a sheep?"
Tuesday, 5 March 2002
CHAPTER 19 OF FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. SO THE DISH RAN AWAY WITH THE SPOON!
chapter 19.
a barrelful of affairs.
1530 hours, 05,06,2004. main farming fields.
so everyone was working hard planting the new nozzle plants. "where's Arthur and James gone tom?" asked Catherine while taking great care deleafing a nozzle sapling. "I don't know actually Catherine, they just took off earlier" tom replied tilling away.
"Arthur stop it, this affair must end, its been going on since we moved to tollyhot" said pasty. " I know I know. but its soo hard" replied Arthur. "I reckon your right about robyn and jules though, and their sordid devilry" said pasty. "come on lets get back to planting" just then suz came running in to fetch another hoe. "oh my goodness, I knew it ever since that night in the firkin at Christmas" she said astonished. "now calm down suz we were rehearsing for a play" said pasty trying to keep control of the situation. "what was the film called hey? monkey has relations with lunatic hey is that what your trying to tell me?" said suzanne.
"yeah alright love calm down, have a banana" offered Arthur. "I don't want a damn banana art" replied suz. "ok ok, their good bananas?" just then becca came running in. "quick suz, Emily just found jules and robyn locked in a loving embrace in the grain barn...... oh I see you've got your own problems here, I'll just be off" said becca legging it out the door. "oh damn" said pasty.
2300 hours, 05,06,2004. main enjoyment sector (living room)
"well I just don't know what to do with you lot, I really don't" said Joe in an important voice pacing up and down. "I've let you do as you please like respectable adults, and look what I get in return" "er Joe, your the youngest person here" pointed out Anna.
"that's not the point" said Joe impatiently. "yes but it is the point isn't it because......." "yes alright tom I get what your saying,
the point is I don't want this sort of behaviour on my farm" "hang on a minute, what about your twisted affairs with various circus performers" said bidge. "yeah... well... that's different" "in what way Joe, I don't want you ordering kinky clown anymore" said debs quite firmly. "ok ok, lets just go down the pub" said Joe pulling on his shoes. "and the kebab shop" added fatbob, "but I do need a cashpoint first!"
0100 hours, 06,06,2004. mug and nonce.
"well I'm glad we cleared up all this affair business" said Essex boy, polishing his massive gold sovereign ring. "yes I am quite relieved I must say" agreed alion. "well it was bound to all come out eventually, I'm just glad it was over a kebab" said Arthur munching away. "Arthur your not supposed to eat in here" said jules. "yes but it tastes so good" replied Arthur. "by the way wilko, where's baartaur?" asked louise. "ar well I sort of sold him honey" replied wilko sheepishly. "what you sold our son? and don't call me honey" said louise angrily. "ok lads keep it down, you'll scare away my business" said fatbob cleaning a glass vigorously. "but fatbob us lot are your only customers" said becca just as her phone rang. "hello oh right, what right away? oh I see I'll be right there" "what was all that about becca?" asked ellie purchasing yet another packet of onion rings."erm ditch meetup in London colney, gotta go seeya guys" said becca running off up the path. "I do worry about that girl I really do" said jeni. "Luke, how's byork after this weeks gig? has she recovered from the cattle prod?" asked suzanne, kissing the right simon this time. "oh she's fine, just a little shaky" answered Luke. "well come on lads, I need a kebab" said fatbob pulling on his coat.
0200 hours, 06,06,2004. farmhouse, lads room.
"well fatbob, that was a damn good kebab. got any of that heroin?" asked Arthur rolling a cigarette. "not for you my son, not for you" replied fatbob. "so Luke why do you enjoy keeping byork in a cupboard, she keeps me up all night scratching and banging" said Arthur. "I know arth mate, the sedatives are on the way from, "subdue a whore UK.COM" then we'll all sleep soundly" said Luke.
"well lads, who's up for a bit of poker?" asked fatbob. "fatbob stop stroking that damn porcelain seal" said Luke folding shirts with a ruler. "its not my fault, robyn won't let me near her eyebrows atal until she's sure their ok" replied fatbob. "well anyway I'm going to sleep, lots more planting to do tomorrow" said Arthur lying down. "yes good idea arth, seeya in the morn for more nozzle action"
a barrelful of affairs.
1530 hours, 05,06,2004. main farming fields.
so everyone was working hard planting the new nozzle plants. "where's Arthur and James gone tom?" asked Catherine while taking great care deleafing a nozzle sapling. "I don't know actually Catherine, they just took off earlier" tom replied tilling away.
"Arthur stop it, this affair must end, its been going on since we moved to tollyhot" said pasty. " I know I know. but its soo hard" replied Arthur. "I reckon your right about robyn and jules though, and their sordid devilry" said pasty. "come on lets get back to planting" just then suz came running in to fetch another hoe. "oh my goodness, I knew it ever since that night in the firkin at Christmas" she said astonished. "now calm down suz we were rehearsing for a play" said pasty trying to keep control of the situation. "what was the film called hey? monkey has relations with lunatic hey is that what your trying to tell me?" said suzanne.
"yeah alright love calm down, have a banana" offered Arthur. "I don't want a damn banana art" replied suz. "ok ok, their good bananas?" just then becca came running in. "quick suz, Emily just found jules and robyn locked in a loving embrace in the grain barn...... oh I see you've got your own problems here, I'll just be off" said becca legging it out the door. "oh damn" said pasty.
2300 hours, 05,06,2004. main enjoyment sector (living room)
"well I just don't know what to do with you lot, I really don't" said Joe in an important voice pacing up and down. "I've let you do as you please like respectable adults, and look what I get in return" "er Joe, your the youngest person here" pointed out Anna.
"that's not the point" said Joe impatiently. "yes but it is the point isn't it because......." "yes alright tom I get what your saying,
the point is I don't want this sort of behaviour on my farm" "hang on a minute, what about your twisted affairs with various circus performers" said bidge. "yeah... well... that's different" "in what way Joe, I don't want you ordering kinky clown anymore" said debs quite firmly. "ok ok, lets just go down the pub" said Joe pulling on his shoes. "and the kebab shop" added fatbob, "but I do need a cashpoint first!"
0100 hours, 06,06,2004. mug and nonce.
"well I'm glad we cleared up all this affair business" said Essex boy, polishing his massive gold sovereign ring. "yes I am quite relieved I must say" agreed alion. "well it was bound to all come out eventually, I'm just glad it was over a kebab" said Arthur munching away. "Arthur your not supposed to eat in here" said jules. "yes but it tastes so good" replied Arthur. "by the way wilko, where's baartaur?" asked louise. "ar well I sort of sold him honey" replied wilko sheepishly. "what you sold our son? and don't call me honey" said louise angrily. "ok lads keep it down, you'll scare away my business" said fatbob cleaning a glass vigorously. "but fatbob us lot are your only customers" said becca just as her phone rang. "hello oh right, what right away? oh I see I'll be right there" "what was all that about becca?" asked ellie purchasing yet another packet of onion rings."erm ditch meetup in London colney, gotta go seeya guys" said becca running off up the path. "I do worry about that girl I really do" said jeni. "Luke, how's byork after this weeks gig? has she recovered from the cattle prod?" asked suzanne, kissing the right simon this time. "oh she's fine, just a little shaky" answered Luke. "well come on lads, I need a kebab" said fatbob pulling on his coat.
0200 hours, 06,06,2004. farmhouse, lads room.
"well fatbob, that was a damn good kebab. got any of that heroin?" asked Arthur rolling a cigarette. "not for you my son, not for you" replied fatbob. "so Luke why do you enjoy keeping byork in a cupboard, she keeps me up all night scratching and banging" said Arthur. "I know arth mate, the sedatives are on the way from, "subdue a whore UK.COM" then we'll all sleep soundly" said Luke.
"well lads, who's up for a bit of poker?" asked fatbob. "fatbob stop stroking that damn porcelain seal" said Luke folding shirts with a ruler. "its not my fault, robyn won't let me near her eyebrows atal until she's sure their ok" replied fatbob. "well anyway I'm going to sleep, lots more planting to do tomorrow" said Arthur lying down. "yes good idea arth, seeya in the morn for more nozzle action"
Sunday, 3 March 2002
CHAPTER 18 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. SORRY GUYS BEEN BUSY AND MY EMAILS SCREWY AGAIN!!
chapter 18
fields of dreams
1500 hours, 15,05,2004. cattle stable.
so debbie and bidge were still working on there publishing. the pilchard pokers were preparing for their tour. and steve was ready to go back to fish land. all was well except louise, wendy and emma were now ready to start opperating on bonko. "well this is it wendy lets get started, scalpel please" "louise how come yesterday we said we had to opperate imediatly but we didn't bother till today?" asked emma confused again. "well i had a very important meeting to go to" replied louise. "what meeting louise?" asked wendy. "errm the meeting for the er pencil comittee" answered louise. "anyway lets get started" said emma pulling on her gloves. so for many hours the girls sliced and cut, stitched and sowed, pulled and pushed untill eventually. "well there we are" said louise.
"yes louise thats a very nice raspberry flan. but can we get on with the opperation" said emma exasperated. "ooh its damn good flan though" said tom and arthur digging in. "do you mind you two, we're in the middle of a very important opperation" said wendy crossly. "yes but you still had time for flan didn't you" pointed out tom running off with the plate. "hey come back with that damn flan" shouted arthur running after him! "haha" said tom. "i do worry about those two" said louise.
1000 hours, 03,06,2004. farmhouse.
so steve had gone home thanking everyone as he went. bonko was recovering well, even though he still had some flan in his kidney lining! debbies computer had crashed with a strange virus. jo c had returned from england. and the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers national zambian tour had begun. all was well when joe made his usual after breakfast "anal" speach. "now people all has been going reasonably well lately i know, but it is time for our new harvest to be planted. which we will have to start tomorrow. also alion, robyn. hows the experiments going?" he asked. "well" replied alion. "i think we can cross breed the special nozzles with the normal nozzles to make them grow ten times quicker" "yes so if we start planting tomorrow we should have nozzles in four weeks" added robyn very excited. "good good, we shall definatly start planting tomorrow then" said joe.
"viki hows the stud farm doing?" "not too bad thanks, carlos got some very decent horses" "good, now my only real concern is the very sinister nature of the nozzles, that very odd incident with filbert. thank God robyns eyebrows were there, or who knows what would of happened. and debbies computer having this strange, so it seems nozzle related virus" "yes i am quite worried about that computer, it just keeps coming up with evil nozzle related jests" said debbie pondering.
1900 hours, 04,06,2004. the girafe ironmonger pub.
"well this is it guys, the big one" said pasty. "yeah there must be at least 12 people out there" said alion peering round the curtains. "i hope we can remember everything we've practised" said essex boy. "i'm sure we'll be fine" said onion. "oh stop drinking fatbob" she said. "right lets get byork out there" said luke getting out his whip. (he had become their roady) "yes lets get on with it" said fatbob grabbing a crowbar. "are you sure thats humane, keeping her in there luke?" asked onion rather concerned. "yes of course it is" replied luke pulling off the lid of a 2foot square crate. so byork was pushed through the curtains, with her shackels still on her ankles. "ladies and gentlemen will you please welcome "the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" and please get me a hacksaw!"
1315 hours, 05,06,2004. farmhouse.
"so debs you stunningly fit small person, have you sorted out your computer yet?" asked joe looking through his hire a clown brouchure. "well it seems ok at the moment, but i'm not very happy with it to be honest it seems to be all very sinister" replied debs looking baffled. "so can you still finish bidges book?" he asked. "well i think so, at least i have this new manual on solving virus's. and my next instalment of pc home programing" she answered flicking through. "oh well i'm sure we'll sort it out somehow"
"you mean i will, you don't know anything about this do you" said debs. "mm yeah thats right" replied joe. "now if you'll excuse me i have a shrew to teach the piano" "but you don't play the piano... oh whatever" meanwhile outside behind the dinosaur barn.
"trust me chief he's in perfect order, a bargain if you ask me" said wilko. "well tis a good good offer you show me sure, but dis very much money you ask" said barry smith stroking his chin. "i tell you what, if its all in bangers and mash. you can have him for £1100" said wilko. "come on man, i need some money, my children need heroin" "ok ok i'll take baartaur for dis price you ask, the zambian government will be very interested in him" said chief barry. "take care son, remember don't say anything about my probation" said wilko waving to baartaur.
fields of dreams
1500 hours, 15,05,2004. cattle stable.
so debbie and bidge were still working on there publishing. the pilchard pokers were preparing for their tour. and steve was ready to go back to fish land. all was well except louise, wendy and emma were now ready to start opperating on bonko. "well this is it wendy lets get started, scalpel please" "louise how come yesterday we said we had to opperate imediatly but we didn't bother till today?" asked emma confused again. "well i had a very important meeting to go to" replied louise. "what meeting louise?" asked wendy. "errm the meeting for the er pencil comittee" answered louise. "anyway lets get started" said emma pulling on her gloves. so for many hours the girls sliced and cut, stitched and sowed, pulled and pushed untill eventually. "well there we are" said louise.
"yes louise thats a very nice raspberry flan. but can we get on with the opperation" said emma exasperated. "ooh its damn good flan though" said tom and arthur digging in. "do you mind you two, we're in the middle of a very important opperation" said wendy crossly. "yes but you still had time for flan didn't you" pointed out tom running off with the plate. "hey come back with that damn flan" shouted arthur running after him! "haha" said tom. "i do worry about those two" said louise.
1000 hours, 03,06,2004. farmhouse.
so steve had gone home thanking everyone as he went. bonko was recovering well, even though he still had some flan in his kidney lining! debbies computer had crashed with a strange virus. jo c had returned from england. and the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers national zambian tour had begun. all was well when joe made his usual after breakfast "anal" speach. "now people all has been going reasonably well lately i know, but it is time for our new harvest to be planted. which we will have to start tomorrow. also alion, robyn. hows the experiments going?" he asked. "well" replied alion. "i think we can cross breed the special nozzles with the normal nozzles to make them grow ten times quicker" "yes so if we start planting tomorrow we should have nozzles in four weeks" added robyn very excited. "good good, we shall definatly start planting tomorrow then" said joe.
"viki hows the stud farm doing?" "not too bad thanks, carlos got some very decent horses" "good, now my only real concern is the very sinister nature of the nozzles, that very odd incident with filbert. thank God robyns eyebrows were there, or who knows what would of happened. and debbies computer having this strange, so it seems nozzle related virus" "yes i am quite worried about that computer, it just keeps coming up with evil nozzle related jests" said debbie pondering.
1900 hours, 04,06,2004. the girafe ironmonger pub.
"well this is it guys, the big one" said pasty. "yeah there must be at least 12 people out there" said alion peering round the curtains. "i hope we can remember everything we've practised" said essex boy. "i'm sure we'll be fine" said onion. "oh stop drinking fatbob" she said. "right lets get byork out there" said luke getting out his whip. (he had become their roady) "yes lets get on with it" said fatbob grabbing a crowbar. "are you sure thats humane, keeping her in there luke?" asked onion rather concerned. "yes of course it is" replied luke pulling off the lid of a 2foot square crate. so byork was pushed through the curtains, with her shackels still on her ankles. "ladies and gentlemen will you please welcome "the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" and please get me a hacksaw!"
1315 hours, 05,06,2004. farmhouse.
"so debs you stunningly fit small person, have you sorted out your computer yet?" asked joe looking through his hire a clown brouchure. "well it seems ok at the moment, but i'm not very happy with it to be honest it seems to be all very sinister" replied debs looking baffled. "so can you still finish bidges book?" he asked. "well i think so, at least i have this new manual on solving virus's. and my next instalment of pc home programing" she answered flicking through. "oh well i'm sure we'll sort it out somehow"
"you mean i will, you don't know anything about this do you" said debs. "mm yeah thats right" replied joe. "now if you'll excuse me i have a shrew to teach the piano" "but you don't play the piano... oh whatever" meanwhile outside behind the dinosaur barn.
"trust me chief he's in perfect order, a bargain if you ask me" said wilko. "well tis a good good offer you show me sure, but dis very much money you ask" said barry smith stroking his chin. "i tell you what, if its all in bangers and mash. you can have him for £1100" said wilko. "come on man, i need some money, my children need heroin" "ok ok i'll take baartaur for dis price you ask, the zambian government will be very interested in him" said chief barry. "take care son, remember don't say anything about my probation" said wilko waving to baartaur.
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