1515 hours, 08,05,2004. under the ledge.
so arthur picked up a six foot piece of driftwood lodged under the ledge, and preceded to thump and wack the obstruction.
just then something fell of the obstruction and came crashing into the water! and then another! and then another! "you nonce arhur" shouted jules as came to the surface. "you've just killed three of members of the british boat race team" "oh damn, how was i supposed to know" replied arthur surfacing. "anyway lets get out of here" said jules pulling herself onto the bank. "look theres someone else on the boat" said arthur also scrambling ashore. "oh you nonce arthur, i do hope he's ok" said jules taking a look. "well i never its james cracknel" she said astonished. just then ellie came strolling down the path, "hiya" she said. "i was just taking a brisk walk, blimey!! its james cracknel, what the hell is he doing here? and in a unconcious state aswell by the looks of things" she said taking a "closer" look. "i'm afraid i smashed him in the face with a piece of wood" apologised arthur lighting a splif. "oh well never mind" said ellie throwing mr cracknel over her shoulder. "i'm sure i can sort him out" so off wandered ellie back to the house. "well i think we better tell joe all about this, and about steve coming" said jules. "yes i agree" said arthur drying his hair.
1600 hours, 08,05,2004. farmhouse.
joe was sitting in the lounge caressing "that" clown, and working out his accounts, when arthur and jules came running in!
"hey joe, we went to see steve and everyone, but steves not well" said jules. "yes and he's coming here, and jules reckons we can make him better with your special nozzle" added arthur. "and what else happened this afternoon arthur?" asked jules looking angry. "oh yeah and i killed a few ppl with a big piece of wood" said arthur quitely, and walking offf. "you did what!?" said joe throwing the clown off his lap. "well we couldn't get out from under the ledge, and we couldn't hold our breaths much longer, so i smaked the thing a few times with a big piece of wood.... well how was i supposed to know it was the olympic rowing team!!" he said indignant. "i agree with arthur" said onion walking in."how was he supposed to know" "ok ok, so was there any survivers?" asked joe in an important voice. "yes" said james cracknel limping through the french doors. "hi i'm james cracknel" he said.
"yes i saved him" said ellie following him into the lounge, "that nozzle gin is brilliant for cuts and bruises" and it tastes good too" added cracknel. so everyone was introduced to cracknel and there were many a joke cracked, and many a fell story told and lo the evening drew nigh to an end. when suddenly jules leaped up from the table. "thats it arthur, i'm sorry but i can't go out with murderer" "ok fine, but its only been five" said arthur, not quite sure what all the fuss was about. "five" said bidge. "i thought there was three" "oh yeah three thats right" said arthur shutting up quickly.
1400 hours, 10,05,2004. jeni's dinosaur barn.
so the days went by, cracknel told all his storys about boat racing, ellie tended to all his cuts and bruises. and more nozzle gin was applied. it happpened that the boat race team were training for the olympics in zambia, because the britsih board of sport funding were very tight arsed and it was cheap to stay in zambia. anyway jeni and jess were moistening jeni's dinosaur. "this dinosaur is so cool" said jess spraying with a hoze. "it is rather wicked isn't it" said jeni. "if only it was alive like terrence was, i miss terrence" said jeni wiping away a tear. "oh well he may visit us again one day" said jess "but then again i think he was killed by the aliens" said jess feeling awkward. "sorry i guess that doesn't help" she said looking at the skeleton a bit closer. "but you know jeni, theres something rather sinister about this dinosaur" "mm maybe" said jeni moistening vigerously. "its almost as if its SELF AWARE" said luke harrowingly. "where'd you come from luke" said jeni. "you nearly scared me half to death creeping up on us like that" "sorry" said luke blending into the backround. "i do worry about that man" said jess.
1500 hours, 11,05,2004. farmhouse.
so came the day of the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers debut gig. and everyone was very excited. even dan was sort of looking forward to it! "well fatbob when can we start, and how long can we play for?" asked alion. "yes i want to play my new 11 minute acoustic melody" added pasty flicking through a "finest oboe's" order catologue. "whats that your reading pasty?" asked suzanne (who was featuring in one of their songs) "oh just a book on jimi hendrix" replied pasty cautiously. "fair enough" she said. " i'm quite looking forward playing my violin" "yes i'm sure you'll do spiffingly" said robyn warming up her eyebrows for fatbob. "well" said joe. "that the last of the gear. lets go"
Tuesday, 29 January 2002
Sunday, 13 January 2002
CHAPTER 13 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. PLANT OF MAGIC
0900 hours, 06,05,2004. farm lab.
"well i don't think i've ever seen anything like it in my life" said alion baffled. "no me too ali, i think we should disect one and see what comes up there" said robyn pondering herself. "yes i agree"said louise taking a skalpel. "right here go's" she said slicing at a nozzle stem. "now why won't that cut?" wandered louise. "are you sure you have a sharp knife?" asked alion. "yes its brand new" replied louise. "i'll try another one" decided robyn. but to no avail could any of them cut open any nozzles nor any stems.
"i think we should get joe in here" suggested alion lighting up with all the stress. so robyn went off to get joe and brought him straight back. "well i never" he said as he heard all their stories. "and this is the most amazing thing" said louise holding a huge nozzle about 5"s long and glowing bright. "well these must be some sort of magical seeds." he said wandering.
"i wander what all this is about" said debbie walking in, and putting her computer bag down on the side by the nozzles.
"hows the computing going debs?" asked robyn. "not bad i reackon i can get a pc that can practically do anything, within a few months anyway" she said. "i'm waiting for my next instalment of my course now anyway" "well we're going to carry on with some tests" said louise. "righteo" said joe. "yup we'll leave you to it" agreed debs trotting off down the path.
1330 hours, 06,05,2004. eating hall.
in the eating hall everyone was having lunch, when the doorbell rang loudly. "i'll get it" said jess strolling up to the door.
"hello and who may you be?" jess asked a strange man. "hi, is babe there? i miss ya babe. your big and your good and your a woman and i love you, its wednesday babe come home." "ok, bidge i think your husband wants a word" said jess quite disturbed by it all. "oh not again" said bidge sighing and coming to the door rather reluctantly. "hello barry what do you want now?" she asked impatiently. "i miss ya babe, i keep ringing but you never answer. why not babe your good and your a woman and your big and your good" "barry you went off with a camel when we'd been married 3 months. what do you expect?" bidge asked.
"but babe your good and your big and your a woman! and i miss ya babe" answered barry. "well seeya" said bidge closing the door. "what is it with that guy?" asked louise. "well some people are just anally challenged" replied bidge. "tea anyone?"
1430 hours, 08,05,2004. the mug and nonce.
"well i think its time me and arthur went to see those lovely fish people again" said jules pulling on a wetsuit. "good idea jules, i will be interested to hear your findings, and remember to ask after fondu" said joe playing with a clown and guzzling a beer all at once!
"joe! stop chatting up that clown" said debbie in disgust. "well sorry!! i'll just go and hug and kiss a poisoness snake an evil piosoness snake!!" "ok joe, breath in deep" said tom comfortingly. so when jules and arthur had rather too many beers to be scuba diving. off they went to see how steve the carp was. "well here go's" said arthur throwing himself in. so under the ledge they swam for about 200 yards (yes i work in imperial got a problem with that?) so out of the waterfall the other end they came. "well to the gates my anal friend" said jules grabbing art by the beard! "oy watch me rats bitch" said arthur. "evening fellow, may we come in?" asked jules. "why of course. give my regards to mondu if you see him" said fellow winding the gold ring.
"hey theres someone new" said arthur walking towards a very colourfull fish. "hello i'm arthur and this is my best friend jules" said arthur courteously. "best friend, i thought we were going out?" asked jules. "oh yeah ok" replied arthur. "anyway who are you good fish?" "hi my name is quindo. i'm a dash and dot goatfish" "very nice to meet you" said jules. "well shall i show you to steve he's not very well" said quindo. "oh right we beta then" said jules looking worried.
1515 hours, 08,05,2004. steves palace.
"greeting steve i hear you are not well?" asked arthur stepping forward. "ar great bearded one i pretail you are well?" asked steve coughing loudly. "i fear i may not live much longer" said steve, looking not very well atal. "what can we do to help?" asked arthur very concerned. "well i need something new and state of the art, or i'm a gonna" he replied. "i have an idea, said jules thinking hard. "we have a magical nozzle plant, that we know very little about but it may just be able to heal you, you never no" "well i'm willing to try anything" said steve. "when can you bring it?" he asked. "oh we can't bring it here, it wouldn't survive the trip through the water" said jules ernestly. "well i guess i will have to come to your land after all" sighed steve. "i'm rather scared but hey" he added. so arthur and jules bade their farewell. and went off through the gates of the garden and back into the waterfall.
but as they came up the other side with just enough air to get back, jules found something was blocking the way.
"don't worry" signalled arthur. i've got an idea"
"well i don't think i've ever seen anything like it in my life" said alion baffled. "no me too ali, i think we should disect one and see what comes up there" said robyn pondering herself. "yes i agree"said louise taking a skalpel. "right here go's" she said slicing at a nozzle stem. "now why won't that cut?" wandered louise. "are you sure you have a sharp knife?" asked alion. "yes its brand new" replied louise. "i'll try another one" decided robyn. but to no avail could any of them cut open any nozzles nor any stems.
"i think we should get joe in here" suggested alion lighting up with all the stress. so robyn went off to get joe and brought him straight back. "well i never" he said as he heard all their stories. "and this is the most amazing thing" said louise holding a huge nozzle about 5"s long and glowing bright. "well these must be some sort of magical seeds." he said wandering.
"i wander what all this is about" said debbie walking in, and putting her computer bag down on the side by the nozzles.
"hows the computing going debs?" asked robyn. "not bad i reackon i can get a pc that can practically do anything, within a few months anyway" she said. "i'm waiting for my next instalment of my course now anyway" "well we're going to carry on with some tests" said louise. "righteo" said joe. "yup we'll leave you to it" agreed debs trotting off down the path.
1330 hours, 06,05,2004. eating hall.
in the eating hall everyone was having lunch, when the doorbell rang loudly. "i'll get it" said jess strolling up to the door.
"hello and who may you be?" jess asked a strange man. "hi, is babe there? i miss ya babe. your big and your good and your a woman and i love you, its wednesday babe come home." "ok, bidge i think your husband wants a word" said jess quite disturbed by it all. "oh not again" said bidge sighing and coming to the door rather reluctantly. "hello barry what do you want now?" she asked impatiently. "i miss ya babe, i keep ringing but you never answer. why not babe your good and your a woman and your big and your good" "barry you went off with a camel when we'd been married 3 months. what do you expect?" bidge asked.
"but babe your good and your big and your a woman! and i miss ya babe" answered barry. "well seeya" said bidge closing the door. "what is it with that guy?" asked louise. "well some people are just anally challenged" replied bidge. "tea anyone?"
1430 hours, 08,05,2004. the mug and nonce.
"well i think its time me and arthur went to see those lovely fish people again" said jules pulling on a wetsuit. "good idea jules, i will be interested to hear your findings, and remember to ask after fondu" said joe playing with a clown and guzzling a beer all at once!
"joe! stop chatting up that clown" said debbie in disgust. "well sorry!! i'll just go and hug and kiss a poisoness snake an evil piosoness snake!!" "ok joe, breath in deep" said tom comfortingly. so when jules and arthur had rather too many beers to be scuba diving. off they went to see how steve the carp was. "well here go's" said arthur throwing himself in. so under the ledge they swam for about 200 yards (yes i work in imperial got a problem with that?) so out of the waterfall the other end they came. "well to the gates my anal friend" said jules grabbing art by the beard! "oy watch me rats bitch" said arthur. "evening fellow, may we come in?" asked jules. "why of course. give my regards to mondu if you see him" said fellow winding the gold ring.
"hey theres someone new" said arthur walking towards a very colourfull fish. "hello i'm arthur and this is my best friend jules" said arthur courteously. "best friend, i thought we were going out?" asked jules. "oh yeah ok" replied arthur. "anyway who are you good fish?" "hi my name is quindo. i'm a dash and dot goatfish" "very nice to meet you" said jules. "well shall i show you to steve he's not very well" said quindo. "oh right we beta then" said jules looking worried.
1515 hours, 08,05,2004. steves palace.
"greeting steve i hear you are not well?" asked arthur stepping forward. "ar great bearded one i pretail you are well?" asked steve coughing loudly. "i fear i may not live much longer" said steve, looking not very well atal. "what can we do to help?" asked arthur very concerned. "well i need something new and state of the art, or i'm a gonna" he replied. "i have an idea, said jules thinking hard. "we have a magical nozzle plant, that we know very little about but it may just be able to heal you, you never no" "well i'm willing to try anything" said steve. "when can you bring it?" he asked. "oh we can't bring it here, it wouldn't survive the trip through the water" said jules ernestly. "well i guess i will have to come to your land after all" sighed steve. "i'm rather scared but hey" he added. so arthur and jules bade their farewell. and went off through the gates of the garden and back into the waterfall.
but as they came up the other side with just enough air to get back, jules found something was blocking the way.
"don't worry" signalled arthur. i've got an idea"
Saturday, 12 January 2002
CHAPTER 12 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. THE DEPARTURE OF THE NICKS
0880 hours, 02,05,2004. breakfast room.
"well i'm afraid todays the day we leave" said mini nick while everyone was having breakfast. "oh what, no fair" said catharine.
"yes well those monkey brains won't get better on their own" said nick sniggering. "oh yes i forgot about that, its awful i do hope you get better" said catherine totally taken in."anyway" interupted joe in an important voice. today we will take another visit the fish people" "yes good idea" said jess practising darts in the corner. so everyone helped nick and mini nick to pack. on their sloths they climbed. "i don't remember you having those when you arrived" said sophie pondering. "well we first met you in the pub, we'd already put our sloths in the stable by then" replied nick, loading his rifle onto his sloth. "well adios" said mini nick charging off.
"yes its been a pleasure" said nick, maybe our paths will cross again" and that was that. "hope you have success with your brains" shouted catherine very concerned. and into the distance they went, over the brow of a hill and they were gone.
"well" said fatbob. "i don't know about you lot, but i'm having a kebab"
1400 hours, 02,05,2004. main interaction chamber (living room).
"yipee" yelped debbie. "whats that debs?" asked james slyly reading his "master the oboe" book. "my next computer course book has come through, its time i got really sorted with all this pc crap" "sounds cool" said anna, riding a unicycle, playing the piano and swallowing swords!!! "yeah and i've nearly finished my nozzle oils book, i hope we make enough profit to have it published" said bidge. "well at least we can spell check it all and publish on my pc if i can do this course" replied debbie, reading prefusly.
meanwhile pasty, fatbob, onion and alion were practising for their band. "well at least we can use the mug and nonce for our first performance" said pasty strumming away. "yes well i'll only charge a small fee" said fatbob. "you really should let us play for free bob, its your band aswell" said alion. "yes but its complicated, its the guvner what he says go's catch my drift?" said fatbob.
just then matt2 walked in, ar your in a band are you" he asked. "yeah you play then?" asked alion. "yes i play the guitar, rethym
or lead" he replied. "cool you wanna join us?" asked onion. "yeah why not" shrugged matt2. "i guess i won't ever see my other band members so why not" "but we need a band name" said onion worriedly. "well why not the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" suggested fatbob. "sounds good to me" said pasty."right matt you'll play second lead"
so byork helped them all to promote their new album and single, the album named "indigestable biscuits and the way we are"
"excuse me" said byork one day. "what byork?" asked luke, "if that is your real name" "when can i go home?"
"naughty byork, in your bed on your rug" said energy drawing her whip. "hey thats my whip" said debbie engulfed in computer manuals.
1730 hours, 05,05,2004. main crop field.
so finally the big day came when the crop could be harvested. "well people this is it" said joe. "viki you and matt get the highland cattle to pull the carts. hope their in good order?" he asked looking at louise. "oh trust me their in peak condition" she replied.
so everyone sorted themselves into two groups. pickers and packers. while bidge picked the cream of the crop for her oils.
and ellie gathered some for her latest inervation, nozzle gin! "remember people look out for the special seeds i planted, they were somewhere in the northeast corner" said joe in an important voice. so after a few hours when nearly half the nozles had been picked. a cry came out from the northeast corner. "hey joe, i think i found your seeds!" shouted sophie and catherine both at once.
"right lets have a look" said joe running over, "oh dear" said fatbob huffing anf puffing behind him. "i could of played for QPR suz" he said coughing flem left right and center. "right what have we here?" asked joe in an important voice.
"right there in the corner near the oak trees, was a marvelous nozzle plant glowing like the moon silver drops of lightmost magical.
"wow" said ellie running up, "imagaine the gin i could make with that" "hang people" said tom, "this needs to be thought about, right joe?" "quite right tom my good man." said joe itching his beard. (which after 3 months was now nearly an inch long!)
"well lets get some of these nozzles picked and to the lab"
"well i'm afraid todays the day we leave" said mini nick while everyone was having breakfast. "oh what, no fair" said catharine.
"yes well those monkey brains won't get better on their own" said nick sniggering. "oh yes i forgot about that, its awful i do hope you get better" said catherine totally taken in."anyway" interupted joe in an important voice. today we will take another visit the fish people" "yes good idea" said jess practising darts in the corner. so everyone helped nick and mini nick to pack. on their sloths they climbed. "i don't remember you having those when you arrived" said sophie pondering. "well we first met you in the pub, we'd already put our sloths in the stable by then" replied nick, loading his rifle onto his sloth. "well adios" said mini nick charging off.
"yes its been a pleasure" said nick, maybe our paths will cross again" and that was that. "hope you have success with your brains" shouted catherine very concerned. and into the distance they went, over the brow of a hill and they were gone.
"well" said fatbob. "i don't know about you lot, but i'm having a kebab"
1400 hours, 02,05,2004. main interaction chamber (living room).
"yipee" yelped debbie. "whats that debs?" asked james slyly reading his "master the oboe" book. "my next computer course book has come through, its time i got really sorted with all this pc crap" "sounds cool" said anna, riding a unicycle, playing the piano and swallowing swords!!! "yeah and i've nearly finished my nozzle oils book, i hope we make enough profit to have it published" said bidge. "well at least we can spell check it all and publish on my pc if i can do this course" replied debbie, reading prefusly.
meanwhile pasty, fatbob, onion and alion were practising for their band. "well at least we can use the mug and nonce for our first performance" said pasty strumming away. "yes well i'll only charge a small fee" said fatbob. "you really should let us play for free bob, its your band aswell" said alion. "yes but its complicated, its the guvner what he says go's catch my drift?" said fatbob.
just then matt2 walked in, ar your in a band are you" he asked. "yeah you play then?" asked alion. "yes i play the guitar, rethym
or lead" he replied. "cool you wanna join us?" asked onion. "yeah why not" shrugged matt2. "i guess i won't ever see my other band members so why not" "but we need a band name" said onion worriedly. "well why not the last stand of fuckwit and the pilchard pokers" suggested fatbob. "sounds good to me" said pasty."right matt you'll play second lead"
so byork helped them all to promote their new album and single, the album named "indigestable biscuits and the way we are"
"excuse me" said byork one day. "what byork?" asked luke, "if that is your real name" "when can i go home?"
"naughty byork, in your bed on your rug" said energy drawing her whip. "hey thats my whip" said debbie engulfed in computer manuals.
1730 hours, 05,05,2004. main crop field.
so finally the big day came when the crop could be harvested. "well people this is it" said joe. "viki you and matt get the highland cattle to pull the carts. hope their in good order?" he asked looking at louise. "oh trust me their in peak condition" she replied.
so everyone sorted themselves into two groups. pickers and packers. while bidge picked the cream of the crop for her oils.
and ellie gathered some for her latest inervation, nozzle gin! "remember people look out for the special seeds i planted, they were somewhere in the northeast corner" said joe in an important voice. so after a few hours when nearly half the nozles had been picked. a cry came out from the northeast corner. "hey joe, i think i found your seeds!" shouted sophie and catherine both at once.
"right lets have a look" said joe running over, "oh dear" said fatbob huffing anf puffing behind him. "i could of played for QPR suz" he said coughing flem left right and center. "right what have we here?" asked joe in an important voice.
"right there in the corner near the oak trees, was a marvelous nozzle plant glowing like the moon silver drops of lightmost magical.
"wow" said ellie running up, "imagaine the gin i could make with that" "hang people" said tom, "this needs to be thought about, right joe?" "quite right tom my good man." said joe itching his beard. (which after 3 months was now nearly an inch long!)
"well lets get some of these nozzles picked and to the lab"
Friday, 11 January 2002
CHAPTER 11 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. A STRANGE FINDING
1400 hours, 25,04,2004. alions room.
"i was riding home from my band practice, i've got a band with a few mates called eastern walking boots. when all of a sudden there was a huge rush of air all around me, i couldn't see anything, but then a bright light, brighter than anything i've ever seen,
shone out of, well i don't know where really, it was just everywhere. and then i felt a huge thud on my back". matt paused, seemingly thinking hard. "well that was last month, some time on a tuesday evening i think, in hoddesdon. anyway then i woke up at some point and then all i remember was being wrapped up in clingfilm and having those nasty nipple clamps put on me, and being handed this" matt preduced a small glowing ball about tthe size of a golf ball from his pocket. "what is is?" asked suz.
"i don't no some voice somewhere said it was for a leader" replied matt, as puzzled as everyone else.
"well i think he must be talking about me" said nick stepping forward. "i think he was talking about joe, nick" said debbie.
"yes i think so" said joe scratching his arse. "what to do what to do" he said pondering. "well i think we should, cain!!!! it!" said dan wisely. "i agree totally" said bigmore. "well i think we should all go down the pub" said louise eager to get some sponsership for her own convent!
0100 hours, 26,04,2004. joes and debbies room.
so when everyone had been to the pub and played the quiz and fatbob had charged £8.50 per game of pool. everyone had decided to go home and get some sleep. except fatbob, who stayed up watching latvian premiership football till 3 in the morning.
"well i better have a look at this" said joe to himself while getting ready for bed. he got the little glowing ball out of the drawer by his bed. it had little tiny symbols all round what appeared to be a seam of some kind. "lets have a look" said debs jumping out of bed.
"ar its malagasey i think" she said taking a closer look. "yes it says, "the seeds of wrath, and many growths"
just then, the ball split right open revealing a small amount of what appeared to be nozzle seeds.
"well i'll be" said susie climbing out form under the bed. "what are you doing under there?" asked joe dumbfounded.
"i was looking for erm, beetles!" "susie! don't spy on us, especially joe when hes doing leadership type stuff" said debbie,
quite cross. "but the cute little beetles!! aarr their sooo sweet" she added squinting hard. "yes debbie dear".
said joe, patting her hard. "anyway lets get to sleep"
1000 hours , 01,05,2004. the river zambia.
emily was taking a walk with carlos one morning. joe had decided in the end to plant the seeds and wait to see what would happen. so as emily strolled by the river hand in hand with carlos. emily suddenly stopped, to look at something.
"what is it em?" asked carlos. "look, down there a another ledge just like the one we saw back in tollyhot".
"well i never" said carlos taking a closer look. "i think we should go tell joe" he said heading back. joe was sitting by the fire, working out when exactly he reckoned the harvest would be ready. when emily came bounding through the door!
"joe i think we found some more of those fish people!" she said all flustered. "really, you sure?" he asked.
"well its a ledge just like the other one, back in tollyhot" emily replied. "well lets go have a look shall we" said joe pulling his boots on. so everyone headed over to the river. when they got there, there was a big whirlpool brewing just by the ledge.
"wow just like the one we fell down arthur" said jules. "yeah come on" said arthur throwing himself in.
1100 hours, 01,05,2004. the field of marrows.
"well i never" said jeni quite excited about it all. and so there it was, just like before miles and miles of marrows! and swimming towards them a fish. "oh i do hope its fondu" said debbie. "he was soo cute" as the fish came up to them he stopped and said,
"hello, i am mondu son of fondu, friend and servant of steve the king carp" "you speak english?" said arthur stepping forward.
"arrr the bearded one has returned" said mondu bowing before arthur. "oh well thanks, come on take us to steve then, this is all veey interesting" said arthur. so to the gates of fishland they went, the gates of slounot. "oh look their's fellow"
said pasty. "so it is" said bidge in amazement. "greetings bearded monkey man, you may enter" said fellow, nodding after each of the gang walked through. in side there was th elovely gardens again in all their beauty. so they all met steve again and had much maroow juice then it was time for some serious questions. "so how come your here?" asked joe baffled. "well after your farm was destroyed and the police and FBI turned up, everythoing started to go wrong, the water got poluted by some sort of chemicals from the spaceship then the whole thing dryed up when no-one was allowed on the site. so we figured we'd migrate, but we never thought we'd see you lot again" finished steve at last. "so how did you get here?" asked alion, clinging to matt in a sort of annoying way! "well we got the 712 bus from chorley wood" replied mondu. "fair enough" said anna, riding a unicycle and playing the piano at the same time. so after much reminising, everyone decided to come again soon and they would talk properly about forming an alliance of some.
1700 hours, 01,05,2004. mug and nonce.
"well i think everything has gone well today" said wendy. "yes i look forward to more meetings with those lovely fish people again"
agreed emma. "yes but for now we must concentrate on the crop" said joe not letting anyone get carried away. "our harvest will be ready in 3 days!!!"
"i was riding home from my band practice, i've got a band with a few mates called eastern walking boots. when all of a sudden there was a huge rush of air all around me, i couldn't see anything, but then a bright light, brighter than anything i've ever seen,
shone out of, well i don't know where really, it was just everywhere. and then i felt a huge thud on my back". matt paused, seemingly thinking hard. "well that was last month, some time on a tuesday evening i think, in hoddesdon. anyway then i woke up at some point and then all i remember was being wrapped up in clingfilm and having those nasty nipple clamps put on me, and being handed this" matt preduced a small glowing ball about tthe size of a golf ball from his pocket. "what is is?" asked suz.
"i don't no some voice somewhere said it was for a leader" replied matt, as puzzled as everyone else.
"well i think he must be talking about me" said nick stepping forward. "i think he was talking about joe, nick" said debbie.
"yes i think so" said joe scratching his arse. "what to do what to do" he said pondering. "well i think we should, cain!!!! it!" said dan wisely. "i agree totally" said bigmore. "well i think we should all go down the pub" said louise eager to get some sponsership for her own convent!
0100 hours, 26,04,2004. joes and debbies room.
so when everyone had been to the pub and played the quiz and fatbob had charged £8.50 per game of pool. everyone had decided to go home and get some sleep. except fatbob, who stayed up watching latvian premiership football till 3 in the morning.
"well i better have a look at this" said joe to himself while getting ready for bed. he got the little glowing ball out of the drawer by his bed. it had little tiny symbols all round what appeared to be a seam of some kind. "lets have a look" said debs jumping out of bed.
"ar its malagasey i think" she said taking a closer look. "yes it says, "the seeds of wrath, and many growths"
just then, the ball split right open revealing a small amount of what appeared to be nozzle seeds.
"well i'll be" said susie climbing out form under the bed. "what are you doing under there?" asked joe dumbfounded.
"i was looking for erm, beetles!" "susie! don't spy on us, especially joe when hes doing leadership type stuff" said debbie,
quite cross. "but the cute little beetles!! aarr their sooo sweet" she added squinting hard. "yes debbie dear".
said joe, patting her hard. "anyway lets get to sleep"
1000 hours , 01,05,2004. the river zambia.
emily was taking a walk with carlos one morning. joe had decided in the end to plant the seeds and wait to see what would happen. so as emily strolled by the river hand in hand with carlos. emily suddenly stopped, to look at something.
"what is it em?" asked carlos. "look, down there a another ledge just like the one we saw back in tollyhot".
"well i never" said carlos taking a closer look. "i think we should go tell joe" he said heading back. joe was sitting by the fire, working out when exactly he reckoned the harvest would be ready. when emily came bounding through the door!
"joe i think we found some more of those fish people!" she said all flustered. "really, you sure?" he asked.
"well its a ledge just like the other one, back in tollyhot" emily replied. "well lets go have a look shall we" said joe pulling his boots on. so everyone headed over to the river. when they got there, there was a big whirlpool brewing just by the ledge.
"wow just like the one we fell down arthur" said jules. "yeah come on" said arthur throwing himself in.
1100 hours, 01,05,2004. the field of marrows.
"well i never" said jeni quite excited about it all. and so there it was, just like before miles and miles of marrows! and swimming towards them a fish. "oh i do hope its fondu" said debbie. "he was soo cute" as the fish came up to them he stopped and said,
"hello, i am mondu son of fondu, friend and servant of steve the king carp" "you speak english?" said arthur stepping forward.
"arrr the bearded one has returned" said mondu bowing before arthur. "oh well thanks, come on take us to steve then, this is all veey interesting" said arthur. so to the gates of fishland they went, the gates of slounot. "oh look their's fellow"
said pasty. "so it is" said bidge in amazement. "greetings bearded monkey man, you may enter" said fellow, nodding after each of the gang walked through. in side there was th elovely gardens again in all their beauty. so they all met steve again and had much maroow juice then it was time for some serious questions. "so how come your here?" asked joe baffled. "well after your farm was destroyed and the police and FBI turned up, everythoing started to go wrong, the water got poluted by some sort of chemicals from the spaceship then the whole thing dryed up when no-one was allowed on the site. so we figured we'd migrate, but we never thought we'd see you lot again" finished steve at last. "so how did you get here?" asked alion, clinging to matt in a sort of annoying way! "well we got the 712 bus from chorley wood" replied mondu. "fair enough" said anna, riding a unicycle and playing the piano at the same time. so after much reminising, everyone decided to come again soon and they would talk properly about forming an alliance of some.
1700 hours, 01,05,2004. mug and nonce.
"well i think everything has gone well today" said wendy. "yes i look forward to more meetings with those lovely fish people again"
agreed emma. "yes but for now we must concentrate on the crop" said joe not letting anyone get carried away. "our harvest will be ready in 3 days!!!"
Thursday, 10 January 2002
CHAPTER 10 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. FONDU'S REQUEST
0800 hours, 25,04, 2004 faro airport, portugal.
"well its been a marvelous holiday" said emily smiling, "it was very nice to see all of carlos relatives" "yes it was very hospitable of your father carlos, we thank him greatly" said joe analy. "yes i think we should all thank jess for all her work in organinsing this holiday!" said emma. "yes to jess! my wonderful girl" said tom proudly. "right people come on or we'll be late for the flight"
said joe. "yes its been a great outing for us all" said fatbob, and bringing byork back as a mascot was a bit of luck"
"yes" agreed pasty. "that will be great for our careers" so as everyone was piling into the departure lounge, suddenly out of the crowds
appeared a strange and mysterious man. eyes hooded, a farrowed brow, his nose defiant. cloaked in black. strode up to alion.
he looked into her eyes and said. "i think you'll find something you desire in this case" handing her a large black trunk.
"but what is this?" exclaimed alion. "i think you know what i mean" he replied. and as he disapeared into the crowds,
he turned and whispered. "beware! for all is not obvious, within which you farm!"
1000 hours, 25,04,2004. on board flight 207
so when everyone had boarded and alan had been arrested for joking about hiding bombs in his cap. thusly being locked up in
a portugeuse prison. alion decided to tell everyone about her strange experience in the departure lounge.
"so i don't no whats in it at all" said alion worriedly. "yes interesting, this could be good or bad" said robyn, thrusting her
eyebrows back and forth! yes but on more important matters" said nick, "we are leaving when we get home" he said laughing wildly!! "yes i'm afraid we must leave right away when we arrive home" said mini nick sadly.
"oh well these things happen" said a very gay steward. "dan!! what are you doing working for zambian airway?" asked joe.
"oh well goby sacked me, for snogging a customer" replied dan bitterly. "was she worth it?" asked tom interested now.
"no him" answered dan, offering pink towels. "anyway we don't want to know" said joe trying to change the subject.
"so you gonna come visit our farm then?" asked fatbob. "yeah go on then, as long as theirs huge amounts of beer, and fast cars for me to cain!!" he replied.
1400 hours, 25, 04, 2004. nozzle farm, eastern zambia.
"i do hope everything is ok" said jess worriedly. "i'm sure all will be well dear" replied tom reassureingly. "they better of been keeping my dinosar sprayed" said jeni stroking her chin, "that has to be done, or it'll become brittle and useless".
"like you fatbob" said ellie, opening her duty free ouzo. "did you really have to buy a litre and half bottle ellie?" asked bidge very concerned. "well if your gonna buy stuff cheap, you might as well go the whole hog". replied ellie supping hard!.
so everything was well at the farm, beccas ditch was in good order. all the animals had been fed. even jeni's dinosaur was suitably moist! so when dan had been shown round the whole complex, it was time for some unpacking.
"well time to find out what this is then i guess" said alion looking hard at the padlock on her trunk. "give it here" said debbie, using her pc skills to crack the code. alion carefully opened the trunk. and out rolled a young man, wrapped in clingfilm, and wearing stainless steel nipple clamps. "oh my goodness" screamed rii. "quick get im out of there" said joe grabbing some bolt croppers.
so when the young man was all unwrapped and his very painful looking nipple clamps had been removed. everyone wanted to ask the first question. "who the f**k are you?" asked arthur impatiantly. "hi i'm matt" answered the man, breathing hard.
"where the hell did you come from, and how did you get in that trunk?" asked emily amazed by the whole thing.
"well it all began a long time ago!!"
"well its been a marvelous holiday" said emily smiling, "it was very nice to see all of carlos relatives" "yes it was very hospitable of your father carlos, we thank him greatly" said joe analy. "yes i think we should all thank jess for all her work in organinsing this holiday!" said emma. "yes to jess! my wonderful girl" said tom proudly. "right people come on or we'll be late for the flight"
said joe. "yes its been a great outing for us all" said fatbob, and bringing byork back as a mascot was a bit of luck"
"yes" agreed pasty. "that will be great for our careers" so as everyone was piling into the departure lounge, suddenly out of the crowds
appeared a strange and mysterious man. eyes hooded, a farrowed brow, his nose defiant. cloaked in black. strode up to alion.
he looked into her eyes and said. "i think you'll find something you desire in this case" handing her a large black trunk.
"but what is this?" exclaimed alion. "i think you know what i mean" he replied. and as he disapeared into the crowds,
he turned and whispered. "beware! for all is not obvious, within which you farm!"
1000 hours, 25,04,2004. on board flight 207
so when everyone had boarded and alan had been arrested for joking about hiding bombs in his cap. thusly being locked up in
a portugeuse prison. alion decided to tell everyone about her strange experience in the departure lounge.
"so i don't no whats in it at all" said alion worriedly. "yes interesting, this could be good or bad" said robyn, thrusting her
eyebrows back and forth! yes but on more important matters" said nick, "we are leaving when we get home" he said laughing wildly!! "yes i'm afraid we must leave right away when we arrive home" said mini nick sadly.
"oh well these things happen" said a very gay steward. "dan!! what are you doing working for zambian airway?" asked joe.
"oh well goby sacked me, for snogging a customer" replied dan bitterly. "was she worth it?" asked tom interested now.
"no him" answered dan, offering pink towels. "anyway we don't want to know" said joe trying to change the subject.
"so you gonna come visit our farm then?" asked fatbob. "yeah go on then, as long as theirs huge amounts of beer, and fast cars for me to cain!!" he replied.
1400 hours, 25, 04, 2004. nozzle farm, eastern zambia.
"i do hope everything is ok" said jess worriedly. "i'm sure all will be well dear" replied tom reassureingly. "they better of been keeping my dinosar sprayed" said jeni stroking her chin, "that has to be done, or it'll become brittle and useless".
"like you fatbob" said ellie, opening her duty free ouzo. "did you really have to buy a litre and half bottle ellie?" asked bidge very concerned. "well if your gonna buy stuff cheap, you might as well go the whole hog". replied ellie supping hard!.
so everything was well at the farm, beccas ditch was in good order. all the animals had been fed. even jeni's dinosaur was suitably moist! so when dan had been shown round the whole complex, it was time for some unpacking.
"well time to find out what this is then i guess" said alion looking hard at the padlock on her trunk. "give it here" said debbie, using her pc skills to crack the code. alion carefully opened the trunk. and out rolled a young man, wrapped in clingfilm, and wearing stainless steel nipple clamps. "oh my goodness" screamed rii. "quick get im out of there" said joe grabbing some bolt croppers.
so when the young man was all unwrapped and his very painful looking nipple clamps had been removed. everyone wanted to ask the first question. "who the f**k are you?" asked arthur impatiantly. "hi i'm matt" answered the man, breathing hard.
"where the hell did you come from, and how did you get in that trunk?" asked emily amazed by the whole thing.
"well it all began a long time ago!!"
Wednesday, 9 January 2002
CHAPTER 9 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. A LONG AWAITED DEPARTURE
2000 hours, 12,04,2004 hotel grounds.
"oh my goodness" screamed catherine running out of the fire exit! "don't worry he's out now" said joe, dripping with sweat, and holdong a teatowel. robyn looked down at the very chared and icky mass that was once tim, and slowly began to weep.
"i know its hard for us all robyn, he will be missed" said jules comfortingly. "its not that" said robyn sobbing.
"its just he borrowed my trainers, my only trainers damn him!!" "thats awful robyn, here have mine" said joc very sympathetic.
"come on lets get this over with, someone call the kebab shop" said fatbob drinking an old speckled hen. so joe rang up H&H
to see what he could sort out. "no good i'm afraid chaps, the old lady across the road died last tuesday, so their ok for meat for about a week" "damn" said luke punching the wall. "look lets look at this sensibly, wilko what do you do on farms these days?"
asked jeni. "well i don't like to giveaway trade secrets but i think i can do something for a small fee" said wilko puffing on a cuban.
"ar good" said joe relaxing, now i need a bath. "er neil can you come lend us a hand with tim please" asked fatbob.
2200 hours, 12,04,2004 some hole in iceland.
"right neil, you gid the hole we'll talk some buisness, everybodys happy!" said wilko, smoothing back his hair. "ook" said neil looking worried. so neil dug away while fatbob counted the contents of tims wallet. meanwhile back at the hotel.
"i'm afraid i'm gonna have to go home early to tell tims parents." said joc crying hard. "poor tim, he really was the wild man of the woods" said alion. "but in the end he went a fire too far" she said, pulling hard on her fag. " "come on" said jeni, "lets get you a biscuit" "ooh me too" said debs running after them. "right come on joc" said viki, "lets get a flight booked"
back at the hole. "er guys i can't seem to get outn of here, are you sure it has to be 10 foot deep?" "oh yeah at least"
said fatbob. "and the gasses down here are making me dizzy" "yeah they'll do that" said wilko cassually.
"guys!" "right fatbob, you ready?" asked wilko clenching his buttocks. "lets do it, look at my eyes neil!!!" "arr shit nooo"
2430 hours, 13,04,2004 hotle bar (again)
"well thats tim buried" said wilko strolling in, rather spattered with blood. "yes" agreed fatbob holding a bag of golf clubs under his arm. "so wheres neil?" asked anna, with a manic grin on her face. "oh we had to dispence with him" said wilko dusting himself off.
"oh good" said debs under her breath. "what you say debs?" asked ellie, drinking yet another bottle ouzo!
"oh nothing really, just thinking i should really get some damn pie on the go for joe" "so neils gone?" said alion, always slow to catch on. "yup" said fatbob. "yeeees" said alion leaping in the air, and spilling her pint. "is that my tshirt your wearing alion?" asked joe anally. "er no" replied alion sweetly. enough of this, who wants a game of golf?" asked tom. "at nearly 1am tom" said jess. "er strawberry picking then?" "lets just go to bed shall we" suggested bidge yawning, "yes i quite agree" said suz, trying her hardest to snog the right simon. "well anyones welcome to join me for monopoly in my room if they like" said joe taking the situation by the horns. "yey! strip i hope" requested julia p. "of course" said joe proudly. "you coming louise?" asked emma.
"er no i better not, got a church to build tomorrow, and i've got to make the bricks first. need an early night"
"suit yourself mate" said emma slipping on a couple of jumpers.
0300 hours, 13,04,2004 joe&debbies room (wink wink nudge nudge)
"yes! i win again" shouted luke, wearing nothing but a straw boater. "damn that straw boater" said energy shivering. "not all that warm for strip monopoly is it" she said."well come on everyone lets get to bed!" said joe. so everyone went to bed, bar becca, who went to a late night ditch convention! so everyone was up bright and early, joc was off to the airport. but there was more incidents yet! "whats up onion?" asked anna, as onion came running down to breakfast in tears! "simon slept walked, to a car cruise. and got run over by an escort RS turbo!" she said, not able to control herself. "oh no thats awful" said suz pearing over a newspaper.
"well these things happen" said bigmore flicking through an alloys catalogue. "well you would say that" said suz angrily. "you and your subaru" "now now lets not squabble children" said joe, taking command. "come on" he said. "lets sort rthis out"
"oh my goodness" screamed catherine running out of the fire exit! "don't worry he's out now" said joe, dripping with sweat, and holdong a teatowel. robyn looked down at the very chared and icky mass that was once tim, and slowly began to weep.
"i know its hard for us all robyn, he will be missed" said jules comfortingly. "its not that" said robyn sobbing.
"its just he borrowed my trainers, my only trainers damn him!!" "thats awful robyn, here have mine" said joc very sympathetic.
"come on lets get this over with, someone call the kebab shop" said fatbob drinking an old speckled hen. so joe rang up H&H
to see what he could sort out. "no good i'm afraid chaps, the old lady across the road died last tuesday, so their ok for meat for about a week" "damn" said luke punching the wall. "look lets look at this sensibly, wilko what do you do on farms these days?"
asked jeni. "well i don't like to giveaway trade secrets but i think i can do something for a small fee" said wilko puffing on a cuban.
"ar good" said joe relaxing, now i need a bath. "er neil can you come lend us a hand with tim please" asked fatbob.
2200 hours, 12,04,2004 some hole in iceland.
"right neil, you gid the hole we'll talk some buisness, everybodys happy!" said wilko, smoothing back his hair. "ook" said neil looking worried. so neil dug away while fatbob counted the contents of tims wallet. meanwhile back at the hotel.
"i'm afraid i'm gonna have to go home early to tell tims parents." said joc crying hard. "poor tim, he really was the wild man of the woods" said alion. "but in the end he went a fire too far" she said, pulling hard on her fag. " "come on" said jeni, "lets get you a biscuit" "ooh me too" said debs running after them. "right come on joc" said viki, "lets get a flight booked"
back at the hole. "er guys i can't seem to get outn of here, are you sure it has to be 10 foot deep?" "oh yeah at least"
said fatbob. "and the gasses down here are making me dizzy" "yeah they'll do that" said wilko cassually.
"guys!" "right fatbob, you ready?" asked wilko clenching his buttocks. "lets do it, look at my eyes neil!!!" "arr shit nooo"
2430 hours, 13,04,2004 hotle bar (again)
"well thats tim buried" said wilko strolling in, rather spattered with blood. "yes" agreed fatbob holding a bag of golf clubs under his arm. "so wheres neil?" asked anna, with a manic grin on her face. "oh we had to dispence with him" said wilko dusting himself off.
"oh good" said debs under her breath. "what you say debs?" asked ellie, drinking yet another bottle ouzo!
"oh nothing really, just thinking i should really get some damn pie on the go for joe" "so neils gone?" said alion, always slow to catch on. "yup" said fatbob. "yeeees" said alion leaping in the air, and spilling her pint. "is that my tshirt your wearing alion?" asked joe anally. "er no" replied alion sweetly. enough of this, who wants a game of golf?" asked tom. "at nearly 1am tom" said jess. "er strawberry picking then?" "lets just go to bed shall we" suggested bidge yawning, "yes i quite agree" said suz, trying her hardest to snog the right simon. "well anyones welcome to join me for monopoly in my room if they like" said joe taking the situation by the horns. "yey! strip i hope" requested julia p. "of course" said joe proudly. "you coming louise?" asked emma.
"er no i better not, got a church to build tomorrow, and i've got to make the bricks first. need an early night"
"suit yourself mate" said emma slipping on a couple of jumpers.
0300 hours, 13,04,2004 joe&debbies room (wink wink nudge nudge)
"yes! i win again" shouted luke, wearing nothing but a straw boater. "damn that straw boater" said energy shivering. "not all that warm for strip monopoly is it" she said."well come on everyone lets get to bed!" said joe. so everyone went to bed, bar becca, who went to a late night ditch convention! so everyone was up bright and early, joc was off to the airport. but there was more incidents yet! "whats up onion?" asked anna, as onion came running down to breakfast in tears! "simon slept walked, to a car cruise. and got run over by an escort RS turbo!" she said, not able to control herself. "oh no thats awful" said suz pearing over a newspaper.
"well these things happen" said bigmore flicking through an alloys catalogue. "well you would say that" said suz angrily. "you and your subaru" "now now lets not squabble children" said joe, taking command. "come on" he said. "lets sort rthis out"
Tuesday, 8 January 2002
CHAPTER 8 FIELDS OF NOZZLES VOLUME 2. A FISTFULL OF WOOL!
0700 hours, 12,04,2004 hotel dining hall
"morning joe, how be you?" asked ellie strolling in to the restaurant. "i be good thanks" replied joe. "sleep well?"
"yes except i heard clarke and onion throwing armchairs at eachother at 3 in the morning!" replied joe."arr shame" said jeni carrying a tray of toast. "oh yeah tea toast fag" said fatbob helping himself! "its not all yours bob" said debs cradling a ring tailed lemur. "sorry debs, but i do love my toast" "i quite agree, toast is essential" added arthur. "where has pasty gone this morning? he wasn't in his room when i called him for breakfast" said reena eating lots of icelandic curry. "as good as at home reena?" asked wendy, "i can't believe they took my drugs" "no not as good as my mum cooks" replied reena.
"thats it eat your fill people, because todays gonna all be on the hoof!" said joe rapidly digesting muffins. "fatbob,you seem very happy this morning, any reason?" asked louise, while flipping through a convent holiday brochure.
"no reason really, just got some eyebrow action last night!!" "fatbob!!" shouted robyn in a hushed voice! kicking him under the chair
so when everyone had finished eating it was time for some serious sight seeing.
0900 hours, 12,04,2004 outside the hotel.
"right lets get some transport sorted" said energy rubbing her hands together. "yes i think we should rent a bus" suggested pasty appearing from behind a dustbin. "yes i quite agree young paste, to the rental garage!" said joe anally.
"so where did you go this morning pasty?" asked jeni, "reena called you and you weren't there" "oh well i was... erm buying a new guitar string, for the band. "oh i see, how convenient!! said ellie, not believing him atal. "yeah and where'd you get those fancy clothes ey?" asked jess, "he was wearing them yesterday jess" pointed out viki. "well then everythings wrapped up in a neat little package isn't it!!" replied jess. "come on now people, lets get to this garage" said joe taking command.
1100 hours, 12,04, 2004 in the bus.
"well that was nice and easy!" said louise, still looking through her convent brochure. "what are you doing lou?" asked bidge making a cup of tea. "oh i'm just thinking of becoming a nun, thats all" replied louise. "fair enough, didn't think that was really you"
said bidge pondering. "boy i'm hungry" said arthur, his stomach rumbling as ususl. "oh your always hungry monkey boy" said jules in dispair!. "erm neil" said fastbob, peering over his chair. "yes mate, is there a problem?" answered neil.
"just thinking, you do know that theres a 100% interest on that money you lended don't you?"
"oh is there, i mean i thought there would be a small fee.. but i dont think i could get that sort of money" said neil looking worried.
"well we've got a little problem then aven't we?" said wilko. "yes" said fatbob, "see this, this is my favourite axe!!"
"how much further bigmore?" asked suz, "i really need a novelty item right about now" "yes dear we'll soon be there, have some more flowers while your waiting" replied bigmore. "do you really have to drive so fast simon" said sophie, sliding from one seat to another!! "yes.. yes i do" said simon, handbrake turning round a corner!
so after many hours of fun swimming, walking, buying novelty items and playing icelandic strip monopoly. (which julia p won)
it was nice to be back in the warm, at the hotel.
2000 hours, 12,04,2004 pastys room.
look robyn, you've got your eyebrows, me my guitar and my secret oboe lessons, we're from two differant worlds" said pasty smoking on the bed, "yes well i've been renting out my eyebrows to fatbob for weeks now" said robyn outwardly.
"well i've been using your parents money to buy guitar strings" replied pasty. "you've got to admit you have a problem pasty, no more guitar strings" "i don't have a problem i just keep f*"*"ing breaking them, damn those festivals!" "well i guess thats it, lets never fight again!" said robyn practising brow movements in the mirror! "yes i agree. now if you don't mind i have an oboe lesson i'm late for" just then jo c burst in. "come quick tim just fell into a fire he was trying to light in the hotel grounds!!"
"morning joe, how be you?" asked ellie strolling in to the restaurant. "i be good thanks" replied joe. "sleep well?"
"yes except i heard clarke and onion throwing armchairs at eachother at 3 in the morning!" replied joe."arr shame" said jeni carrying a tray of toast. "oh yeah tea toast fag" said fatbob helping himself! "its not all yours bob" said debs cradling a ring tailed lemur. "sorry debs, but i do love my toast" "i quite agree, toast is essential" added arthur. "where has pasty gone this morning? he wasn't in his room when i called him for breakfast" said reena eating lots of icelandic curry. "as good as at home reena?" asked wendy, "i can't believe they took my drugs" "no not as good as my mum cooks" replied reena.
"thats it eat your fill people, because todays gonna all be on the hoof!" said joe rapidly digesting muffins. "fatbob,you seem very happy this morning, any reason?" asked louise, while flipping through a convent holiday brochure.
"no reason really, just got some eyebrow action last night!!" "fatbob!!" shouted robyn in a hushed voice! kicking him under the chair
so when everyone had finished eating it was time for some serious sight seeing.
0900 hours, 12,04,2004 outside the hotel.
"right lets get some transport sorted" said energy rubbing her hands together. "yes i think we should rent a bus" suggested pasty appearing from behind a dustbin. "yes i quite agree young paste, to the rental garage!" said joe anally.
"so where did you go this morning pasty?" asked jeni, "reena called you and you weren't there" "oh well i was... erm buying a new guitar string, for the band. "oh i see, how convenient!! said ellie, not believing him atal. "yeah and where'd you get those fancy clothes ey?" asked jess, "he was wearing them yesterday jess" pointed out viki. "well then everythings wrapped up in a neat little package isn't it!!" replied jess. "come on now people, lets get to this garage" said joe taking command.
1100 hours, 12,04, 2004 in the bus.
"well that was nice and easy!" said louise, still looking through her convent brochure. "what are you doing lou?" asked bidge making a cup of tea. "oh i'm just thinking of becoming a nun, thats all" replied louise. "fair enough, didn't think that was really you"
said bidge pondering. "boy i'm hungry" said arthur, his stomach rumbling as ususl. "oh your always hungry monkey boy" said jules in dispair!. "erm neil" said fastbob, peering over his chair. "yes mate, is there a problem?" answered neil.
"just thinking, you do know that theres a 100% interest on that money you lended don't you?"
"oh is there, i mean i thought there would be a small fee.. but i dont think i could get that sort of money" said neil looking worried.
"well we've got a little problem then aven't we?" said wilko. "yes" said fatbob, "see this, this is my favourite axe!!"
"how much further bigmore?" asked suz, "i really need a novelty item right about now" "yes dear we'll soon be there, have some more flowers while your waiting" replied bigmore. "do you really have to drive so fast simon" said sophie, sliding from one seat to another!! "yes.. yes i do" said simon, handbrake turning round a corner!
so after many hours of fun swimming, walking, buying novelty items and playing icelandic strip monopoly. (which julia p won)
it was nice to be back in the warm, at the hotel.
2000 hours, 12,04,2004 pastys room.
look robyn, you've got your eyebrows, me my guitar and my secret oboe lessons, we're from two differant worlds" said pasty smoking on the bed, "yes well i've been renting out my eyebrows to fatbob for weeks now" said robyn outwardly.
"well i've been using your parents money to buy guitar strings" replied pasty. "you've got to admit you have a problem pasty, no more guitar strings" "i don't have a problem i just keep f*"*"ing breaking them, damn those festivals!" "well i guess thats it, lets never fight again!" said robyn practising brow movements in the mirror! "yes i agree. now if you don't mind i have an oboe lesson i'm late for" just then jo c burst in. "come quick tim just fell into a fire he was trying to light in the hotel grounds!!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)